Swinging around

I was okay. I was cleaning. I cleaned the whole upstairs to my house. I had positive thoughts about how I was going to get my life in order in regards to money, bills, organizations, etc. I read a bit. I was looking forward to starting the creation of a new poem.

Then my mood plummeted.

Restless, empty, depressed.

And I envision going usptairs, sitting there, and just SI'ing. So that's what I am going to do.

(((((((pinksoil)))))))

sorry your feeling down. i have swings like that too. its a real @itch but just because you saw it does not mean you have to do it. maybe you could find something else to do instead.

((((((( pink )))))))

I have mood swings like that too, often with similar results

((((((((pink))))))) didja call t??

pink... are you ok?... thinking about you and caring... do you know what triggered you?.... can you get grounded?...lyn

(((((((((((((((((pink)))))))))))))))))))))))

BB

I SI'ed and then called the facilitator of my BPD group (she is in recovery from the disorder). It was the first time I ever called her, but I did so because I saw no end in sight to my SI and I needed the help. I did not call T because it was a Sunday evening and the calls automatically go straight to voicemail so he probably wouldn't have gotten the message until today. Plus, I needed to speak with someone who has been through it and could take me through my step by step skills in order to stop the behavior. However, I ended up %#@&#! up later on that night. She asked me if I could put my last razor blade somewhere that would not be very accessible to me-- so I put it in my night table drawer under a bunch of junk, knowing that if I went in to get it, I'd wake up my husband and I didn't want to do that. Well around 2 AM the impulse was too strong so I tried whatever I could find in the kitchen until I had suceeded. It was actually the first time I felt like an idiot for screwing up because I really thought I could do it this time-- just make it through the night, like she suggested. I had said I could make it through the night because I had already cut. It was the first time I felt like a failure. It makes me think that behavioral type methods for stopping cutting are not good ideas because they simply set you up for feeling worse about yourself if you fail.

"set you up for feeling worse about yourself if you fail"

I agree thanks for sharing your process and insights here

(((((pinksoil)))))

Just keep trying hun, you'll get there eventually

babyg xXx

mad as it sounds ,throw away the blade or blades if you have them dotted around the house ,you can't be tempted to SI if you don't have them.I used a double edged blade totally ripped my arms to pieces and i still carry the big white scars.my husband knows about them and lucky for me he supported me to help myself get better . the only thing i have is me to control myself even now the house work gets done when i feel like it .some times i take time out and just do things that i want to do ,listen to music , as an example !!!!

hope you get better soon. o and buy the way its been nearly 2 years since my last SI .

take control of your mind don't let it control you

hope it helps

hugs blue

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pinksoil said:
It makes me think that behavioral type methods for stopping cutting are not good ideas because they simply set you up for feeling worse about yourself if you fail.

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agreed. I don't know what it is that allows the mind to circumnavigate the help, the training, the methods... I too have done that. and thrown out all the blades and then ended up using a knife from the kitchen or the key of my house. when the mind wills out (or the urges) nothing can stop it... anything will be used. I, too, wonder what will curb those things when the urges take total control. those feel like they are outside myself. and when i have already called t the first time, i don't call the second time.... or third.

((((((((pink)))))))))))