Just as those who abuse substances have their 'drug of choice,' I have my 'instrument of choice'-- which is a single edge razorblade. Awhile back, I threw out my razor blades. It did not help me to stop cutting. I started to use other things that I could find... and was burning, as well. I missed my 'instrument of choice.' Nothing does it the way that does. So yesterday I absolutely couldn't take it anymore and I bought razor blades. What a crazy %#@&#! addiction I have.

I can relate. It's hard. I burn. I cut. I hit. I run into things. Sigh.

(((pinksoil)))

[x_BabyG_x]

(((pinksoil)))

It is %#@&#! crazy isn't it??

I feel the same about my instrument of choice, I cant see me ever throwing it out, my excuse is because it was expensive and I might need it for something else in the future, but thats just an excuse I think.

babyg xXx

[(JD)]

</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
Hi folks,

I'm often a little wary or concerned when asked to create this forum, because I'm afraid that it will feed the self injury behavior rather than be a support or help to its members.

Having said that, I did create the room and hope that all of you make supportive, helpful, and as positive as possible use of it. I hope you find it helpful to talk to one another to find a way to reduce the self injury behavior, rather than just sharing it with one another.

Please take care of yourself and each other.

Best,
John

PS - Please use the trigger icon for your post if it has triggering material in it. This is new as of August, 2003. Thank you and take care.


</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">

Emphasis mine. I can't see how a thread about your favorite tool to self harm is supportive.

[Kiya]

IMHO being able to talk about it with ppl who can relate DOES ...what was it again... provide helpful, supportive... whatever. we can't talk about IRL to anyone, we can't talk about it in any other forum.
Don't take it away from here.
She's not advocating it, or telling anyone else to try razors.

man i'm in a pissy mood today. Look out world.

</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
_Sky said:
</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
Hi folks,

I'm often a little wary or concerned when asked to create this forum, because I'm afraid that it will feed the self injury behavior rather than be a support or help to its members.

Having said that, I did create the room and hope that all of you make supportive, helpful, and as positive as possible use of it. I hope you find it helpful to talk to one another to find a way to reduce the self injury behavior, rather than just sharing it with one another.

Please take care of yourself and each other.

Best,
John

PS - Please use the trigger icon for your post if it has triggering material in it. This is new as of August, 2003. Thank you and take care.


</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">

Emphasis mine. I can't see how a thread about your favorite tool to self harm is supportive.

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">

Have you read the other posts on this forum? Many of them are not started to BE supportive; rather, they are started because the member is looking to RECEIVE support.

I did not start this post in order to announce my "favorite" instrument, and suggest that everyone try it. I made this post because the purchasing of razor blades was a significant moment in my struggle with self-injury.

Like DocJohn asked, I used the trigger icon. I also trust the members to choose what they think they can handle reading. Most of us are not as fragile as we think. We can make decisions and take care of ourselves for them.

I am tired of having to tiptoe around the issue of SI-- both with individuals who engage in it, and those who do not. I will always respect boundaries and triggers, in that I will add the trigger icon, warn someone of triggering material in other forums, etc. However, SI will continue to be an extremely shameful and taboo act if we continue to be forced to censor ourselves.

I recently withdrew from a support group for women w/ BPD. I was told that talking about SI might trigger some of the other women who do not SI. I was asked to curb my talk of SI because one of the other women in the group decided to cut, and she was not previously a cutter. Everyone is responsible for their own behavior. We have to both respect people, and trust them to take care of themselves. There is no way in hell that I am going to be censored like that in a group, especially when it is a group for a disorder in which one of the main features is impulsive behaviors... such as SI.

[Slippers]

Pink sweetie - So sorry about your relapse. Remember, those new tools can be throw out too. Tonight, they can be thrown out. You don't need them any more than an alcoholic needs gin.

The urges can be noted, mindfully, let yourself feel it rather than try to avoid it, and it will pass. Give it 30 min. or so, and it will pass. It's called "urge surfing". The urges come like waves...surf it...it will crash and fade. Another will follow, and you can do it again.

"What we resist, persists"

BIG hugs, Slippers

Thanks, Slippers. It wasn't actually a relapse. I was still self-injuring without the razor blades in the house-- just using other stuff. I like what you said about the urges coming in waves. Sometimes it seems so constant for me, but I believe you are right. It was the same thing with quitting smoking. I thought I would crave a cigarette every second-- the cravings came in waves, and I got over them. I don't know that I am ready to throw them out tonight. But I am willing to give the passing of urges a try.

[(JD)]

Pink, I'm all for supporting you in trying to overcome this symptom of your disorder.

</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
I did not start this post in order to announce my "favorite" instrument, and suggest that everyone try it. I made this post because the purchasing of razor blades was a significant moment in my struggle with self-injury.

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">

Your title of the thread is "Instrument of choice" and that denotes favorite.

</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
Just as those who abuse substances have their 'drug of choice,' I have my 'instrument of choice'-- which is a single edge razorblade. Awhile back, I threw out my razor blades. It did not help me to stop cutting. I started to use other things that I could find... and was burning, as well. I missed my 'instrument of choice.' Nothing does it the way that does. So yesterday I absolutely couldn't take it anymore and I bought razor blades. What a crazy %#@&#! addiction I have.

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">

[Christina86]

It's not a crazy addiction (((((((((((pinksoil))))))))))))) We all have our fall-back positions, even when the behaviour might not be the most positive. I really haven't ever had an "instrument of choice" but I know that many do.

I'm sorry that you've been struggling lately.

If I can ever do anything, let me know okay?

[Slippers]

Here sweets - something on urge surfing to read

http://www.mindfulness.org.au/URGE%20SURFING.htm

Fuzzy slippers

[x_BabyG_x]

@ sky - I dont think pinksoil meant anything by it, just had a bit of a rant - which is great... its nice to know were not alone when people respond to our posts.

Hope your feeling a bit better pinksoil

babyg xXx

</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
Slippers said:
Here sweets - something on urge surfing to read

http://www.mindfulness.org.au/URGE%20SURFING.htm

Fuzzy slippers

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">

Thanks for posting this, slippers - it was really helpful to read.

[bchlyn]

pink... i am listening and i understand... the other day i was walking through a little shop in town... it has peruvian and native american items... the owner is from peru and the shop is located near the chumash reservation... i found something that i had used as a kid... and i was in a real bad place emotionally... so i bought two... and put them in my purse... the reason i am telling you is that even though i purchased them... with every intention of using them... i haven't ... and i have faith that you can do the same... i think tomorrow i will give them to my t... maybe not... but at least i am thinking about it... i am thinking that maybe that will be a step forward... a little different then when i throw them away... knowing that i can always buy another... does that make sense?... take gentle care...Lyn

[blue_roses]

pink...i understand too about having certain objects i like to use.

last summer i was using something that i just could not throw out. i still have and hope i never ever ever use it again! but i can't quite throw it away.

i also use razor blades for cutting. only wouldn't you know it...not only am i a self injurer, i'm scatter brained as well. i'm always losing the dang things! (thankfully i do not have kids who could find them!)

I haven't cut for a few days now... not sure how many... I am not a counter... doesn't matter how many.... what matters is that I have been tolerating the emotions.

[splitimage]

Pinksoil - that's great, that you've gone a few days without cutting. I agree with you that it's a totally irrational obsession / addiction. I haven't cut in a little over a year, yet I still have to have my blades around. I like holding them, playing with them, remembering the relief I used to get from cutting - talk about not normal behaviour

[Slippers]

So good to hear. Hang in there.

:-)

Hugs, S

[x_BabyG_x]

@ pinksoil - thats great, keep it up! I also believe in the none counting thing either, by counting each day makes it drag on and seem like your getting nowherem its like watching paint dry!

@ splitimage - what's not normal about that? If your still fighting the addiction, you still have it inside you, and I must agree, it is a missable thing when you dont do it, ive only gone a few week without it and I reminisce about it! lol, it seems quite a strange and unexplainable thing to admit but so

babyg xXx

[Kiya]

(((((((((pink))))))))
good that you are able to tolerate the emotions some. Good work and progress.
kiya