I failed...

I failed not once but 2 times... I just couldnt deal with the fact that my now ex girlfriend dont wanna be together with me... I dont know what to do anymore... It feels as if I have nothing... She promised to come over on my birthday (today) and now she cant cause something came up... But thats not a big deal the last 4 i spent alone whats one more? Now i cant sleep cause all I do is think about how I failed in the relationship and what I should of done to make it work... Sometimes I just wish I wasnt here to feel the pain...

Slipups happen. I'm sorry you're having such a crummy bday, though.

What part of KC are you from? I grew up around there.

(((((((((JC_0417)))))))))))))))

You didn't fail, that must really suck. I know it sucks to be alone on your birthday and to feel unloved and feel like everything is your fault and that life sucks. NOT FUN.

Is there anyone you can talk to about this? A friend, parent, mentor, therapist, doctor?

I wish it was just a slipup.. but its been every night... for the last 4 nights... and im from the gladstone area

The one friend i could trust was my ex and my birthday was the say she was going to come over... and she never did... so i have no one to really talk to... but tonight was another night to cut... so now i guess its 5 nights in a row i cut...

Hi JC,

Hormones in the teen years have a way of intensifying emotions so situations which are important wind up feeling like life and death.

Hey, relationships are complex, and it takes time to learn about interacting with people.

I'm sorry your girlfriend didn't make time to be with you on such an important day.

My husband and I used to live in Overland Park, and now live in the East Central part of the state.

EJ

the numbers keep going up... i have cut every day for the past week and some days more than once... i dont know what to do anymore... i cry my self to sleep and the only way to stop is cutting... i dont know how to live without cutting anymore... i just hate my life right now... and nothings going right...

i cant stop cutting... i just cut so many times i couldnt stand and fell on the floor still cryig and cutting... i dont know what to do anymore... my life just seem to go down... every day is like im falling and i cant catch anything to stop me... i just wanna get rid of the pain

it's hard. i know it's hard to deal with the pain and the need to cut. i've been going through the same thing. just know you're not alone and that even though it may not seem like it, there are people who really care about you and are concerned for you. take care.

It okay hun, you know what? You need to remind yourself that the pain WILL go away and in time youll feel better and be thinking about this in a completely different way... look forward to it

babyg - x

Its really bad now... im cutting alot more and now even tried to cut my wrist i never done it on my wrist for the fear of people knowing... and not only that i was doing it over the vain and i keep recutting deep inside making it deeper I dont know anymore... im really thinking that i just wanna die... and other times i know i dont wanna but its hard to even think whats right anymore...

it sounds like it's time to talk to someone you trust... do you have a t, someone at school, work? when i get into a bad episode of cutting... having someone hold me accountable helps me get out of it... my t does that for me... please find someone safe to talk too...lyn

what do you mean hold you accountable? how does that work? do they blame you for the cutting? or blame you for having the problem?

update i only cut once today

I think that talking to someone is a step that would be helpful.....Feelings are big sometimes and haviing someone to talk to is helpful.

I am sorry you are hurting so much right now. You may want to consider getting support to help you sort through all you are feeling. Sometimes it is hard to do it by yourself. You don't deserve to be hurt. I encourage you to find someone to help.

BB

((((((jc)))))) no, he doesn't blame me... but my t definitely holds me accountable... he has me keep a chart... and give it to him each week... if i cut he makes me show him what i did... and he takes out his glasses and inspects it... to make sure (in his mind) that it isn't getting infected and that it doesn't need medical attention... we have a verbal safety contract... that he would like me to call before i Si... but if it's more then Si then i have to call him... he also had me set up a safety plan and it includes calling him before i follow through... and then their are several things to help me get grounded on the list and the last thing is to call him and let him know if i cut or not... the only reason this works is because i trust him... and know that he is safe... there have been a couple times he wouldn't let me leave until he was sure i was safe...and as much as i hate it... it does keep me safe most of the time... please take gentle care of yourself... and i am glad you only cut one time tonight...lyn

Ok my ex girlfriend whos just a "friend" said she will do this for me.. so thats whats going to happen i guess.. shes going to have me text her each time i do and also note it down on paper.

i am glad you are going to have someone hold you accountable... do you have a t? i ask because i know how overwhelming things get when i am in a bad cycle of self injury... i really need someone who can stay focused...and isn't going to freak out... or respond in a way that won't push me deeper into the cycle... i am hoping that your ex can do that for you...please stay safe...lyn