Well there goes 2 months

2 months to the day..jeez. and i cut open my ankle. good job me. funny thing is, i don't even care. as hard as i tried these past 2 months to not give in, i finally do and i don't care. just want more. and i could care less. i've felt so numb. that's a new feeling for me. apparently i'm liking it. i dunno.

it was just different last nite. weird. didn't feel like it was me doing it. i know that i did it, i just don't remember it completely. i'll figure it out again later on tonite. i tried to quit once and it was hell, why bother try again?

((((((((((((starbright))))))))))))))

(((((((((((starbright)))))))))))))

It always seems hopeless at first, I do so wish things to get better for you.

*hugs* I know how it feels almost 2 months for me too. Have faith!

I don't care. Really. I just don't care anymore. I'm not trying or anything. If this is the end of me, let it be. I'm just gonna keep on the way I know how. And this is it. This is all I have left. Why is SI such a bad thing anyway? Why is it something I should quit?

grrrrrr!! now i feel horrible about it. the one person that was helping me quit. he just decides that 2 months after he last talks to me he's gonna talk to me again? i didn't tell him about anything i've done, but he'll find out soon enough i guess. and i feel like crap. damn..time to quit again..just hope he doesn't leave me again. *sigh*

Something you said in your first post struck me, star. You said it was different this time because it didn't feel like it was you doing the cutting, and you didn't completely remember it. That's how it is for me almost everytime... I can't remember the professional term for it, but it's basically when you pent it up for so long and finally release it, you basically black out and don't realize what you've really done until it's already over with. It's kinda scary, not knowing what you're doing or how bad you're doing it.

I never understood why SI is such a bad thing either, I even made a topic about it. I guess the worst part of it (besides the scars it leaves) is the fact that it hurts family and friends to see us in so much pain. Please try being strong. I know it's hard, I fell to the blade lastnight. All you can do is try, star. *huggz*

thanks guys for me being such a little complaining brat. blades are gone now, but not with out some damage. but i'm done. i have some hope. this isn't what any of us deserve, we're better than to have other people hurt us then in turn hurt ourselves.

nothing else to say, thanks.

*hugs*

Bama, that's a form of dissociation.

Star how great is this that you went 2 whole months without SI'ing??? I think it's a good thing, and, ok, so it happened again... and you at first tried to blow off the disappointment of "failing" again, saying you don't care...

but you do care, and you should. AND you should also know that this was very good that it was a 2 month stretch! So now you try again, because it is really a good thing for you overall.