id rather hurt YOU but instead i will cut my self....

[LMo]

not a good idea. very self-sabotaging.

[StargazerLily]

I heard a quote like that once. Something like I hurt myself so I won't hurt you. I find it to be true most times.

[ktp]

I think that statement rings true for alot of people who self harm. I will say that it does for me personally.

I agree -- it's very self-sabotaging but for some who SI, that is the whole point. It's just not a very good idea.

stay safe,
Kimberly.

[BamaSurvivor]

That hit me hard... Everytime I take all I feel I can take from people, instead of lashing out at them, I take it out on myself. It's not good to do, though. Hurting yourself from pain others have caused you isn't healthy at all, but sometimes we say enough is enough and fall to the blade. I hope next time you can find something else to take that anger out on, like a punching bag or pillow or something that won't be physically harming you. Best of luck

[SpazKatt]

hm... I feel like when I hurt others I should hurt myself.

[BamaSurvivor]

I do that too... It doesn't matter the situation, whether they are hurting me or I feel like I am hurting them, I always take it out on myself. I still have so many issues with myself and one of them is how people see me. I don't want people seeing me as an angry person or someone to hurts others, so I always hide it and take it out on myself.

[Rapunzel]

I also hurt myself when I am afraid that I might hurt someone else. I don't want to hurt other people, but sometimes I do want to, and that's not acceptable. You know what I mean.

i cant do this... work, cleaning...
everything!
i just cant.today i went back to work after 2 weeks and it was such an uphill battle....
i just cant do it.
i try and try and try.....
but now i have to cut myself.
deep
deeper
i hate it
i hate being me
my plan is to make necessarry arrangements, and cut myself bad enough to get to the ER, so maybe just maybe, someone will fix me.
cuz im all broken inside.
the torture....
the suffering.....
i know i HAVE to go on, i HAVE to work, but i just cant , it hurts i cant take this pain. i cant cope anymore. i dont know what to do.

[Nerak]

Do you have a Therapist or someone you can talk to about how bad you want to hurt yourself. Please pick up the phone and call someone you may find it very helpful.
((((((sera)))))))))

[sqrlb8]

sweetie, you are ER eligible without the cutting. I've got more than a clue how smart you are, but this is dangerous stuff. Still I'm less worried than sad. I would take away your pain if there was any way.

called everyone...
called my dad, 2 days in a row, he didnt return call...
called grandma... no answer
called old friend from work.... no answer
called psych...no openings til feb 28
called primary doc, on vacation til feb 23
called psychiatrist...no appointments open
called sons' dad... doesnt care says i whine
called mom.... thinks im joking
called a client from work.... she was too manic to help
called a friend from here.... and i couldnt put him through same old story again.....
asked mom to watch kids so i could go "somewhere", she said no shes too tired
asked sons' dad to switch his weekend so i could do "something"
he said no cuz he thinks im self centered.
i bought beer to cope and now my kids think im an alcoholic....
i asked someone at work to go to lunch with me, they were too busy....
i went to my old job to try to talk to people, be around people.. theyre all too busy.
my pride is too big to say "hey guys... im depressed,and i am giving serious thought to suicide, can you please stay with me till this passes?!"
and nobody to watch my kids so i can go somewhere safe.
you dont know what its like...
to have to do it all on your own, to be a single mom with no help from anyone, to keep a home and keep the food coming in, and to work when the stress is overwhelming... to sit and hold the blade, and want to do it sooooo bad, but to know you cant... to know you have NO options.....
no options but to suffer through it all alone.
nothing eases the pain.
and time does not pass quick enough til this depressive episode ends.

[Rapunzel]

Time slows down when you are depressed. I'm sorry you weren't able to find someone to help you. Keep trying! If you need to, go to the ER. Did you tell these people how serious it is? I remember how bogged down and trapped I felt when my kids were all too young for me to be able to leave and get a break, and there wasn't money for a babysitter, and no real support. And I have a husband. He just always saw the kids as my responsibility. It must be even harder to be trying to do it alone.

I don't know if it's the same where you are, but here they have "family services" and will take the kids for a day or two so that a single mother can have a break and destress. DCFS would know about it. I know it's scary - it would be for me too - but they are there to help. There just has to be someone if you keep asking and let them know that it really is urgent. Keep posting here and let us know how you are doing, ok?

Take Care!

silly silly rapunzel....
i work for DCFS....
thats not the answer...
never

[Rapunzel]

(((((((((hugs)))))))))) if ok. There just has to be an answer somewhere. How old are your kids?

[sqrlb8]

Let's talk about the "friend from here" you couldn't bring yourself to burden. In that whole list, that one stands out as the one who didn't say no, and you didn't ask. ? Take another look please. I do that too, especially depressed, some sicko inside me wants to hear more "no's" wants to increase in desperation, wants the world to crumble.

Fact: no one who loves you will ever feel as burdened by your cry for help as they will by your departure from this world. Ever known that loss?

[SpazKatt]

*hugs* I know the pain sera!