Do you think that I'm straight...?

If you've answered my last posts then you don't have to waste yoyur time on this one.

I have been worrying about being a homosexual ever since the beginning of July 2011 when I was called a lesbian in an argument. The first few days I was offended and paranoid. I kept thinking "Is this really what people think of me? Are my clothes unfeminine?" [The girl told me that she could tell I was a lesbian by the way I dressed. I'm not innocent either, though. I had previously called her a lesbian [first] for liking Justin Bieber. I never liked that girl and I don't think she ever liked me either. I don't know why I let that comment bother me so much! I grew up with a brother that called me lots of stupid things- that included "dyke" and "******". But for some reason it didn't bother. I did lose a lot of the security I had last year, though. I had next to no friends and was alone 70% of the time. I now can't stand being alone and having no friends when out in public because of that.

I don't think that I would be thinking that I was a lesbian right now if that girl never called me one. Whenever someone mentions gay or anything that could remind me of the topic, I get this brief feeling that reminds me of shock. I have no idea what it's really about

During the summer this thing got so severe that I couldn't stand watching a show (regardless if whether it was cartoon or reality) with anyone in it or I'd feel like crying and I'd get nauseous. Sometimes I got so stressed I actually did throw up.

Now it feels like I am just a lesbian in denial and there's nothing I can do about it anymore. That maybe the reason I got all rattled over that stupid comment is because I was blocking out something important in my mind. I'm scared that maybe there was a time when I was in love with a girl when I was little and that I just forgot about it. When Twilight came out, I had a official crush on Robert Pattinson. But now I don't reallt find him attractive anymore. Just before summer began last year, too, I had a crush on a guy but gave up after I found out he was a flirt. Eventually I began to feel nothing for him. I also had a lot of mini crushes last year. But the thing is I don't think I felt anything for a lot of the guys I claimed to find attractive last year. There was one I didn't even find attractive. I just thought that he was funny.

I've had 3-4 legitimate crushes on men (or at least I think they were real). I think that in kindergarten there was this boy that got in trouble a lot and he reminded me of the guy in my brothers GTA game. He even wore the Hawaiian shirts. I'm pretty sure I liked him but I never talked to him and one day he went away and I *think that I was sad. But I always shy away from the guys that do like me. I'm hoping it's just because I don't find them attractive though. But what if it's really that I don't want to be with one...

Before all this, I kept myself going by dreaming of my future as a mother with the best husband in the world. I kept this "it will get better" though whenever I was sad or stressed out and it made me happy.

But I feel so much like a lesbian. I don't think that I have a specific crush on a girl yet and I don't WANT to. But I still feel homosexual. Do you think I'm straight or just covering up the fact that I'm homosexual?

I don't see any evidence that you're actually homosexual. Then again you might not be straight either.

Having a "crush" on someone doesn't mean you're attracted to them.

A crush that feels like "OMG, YOURE SO HOT, I WANT TO HAVE SEX WITH YOU" is a real, legitimate crush. It means your'e attracted to them.

But a crush that feels like "OMG, YOURE SO COOL/CUTE/INTERESTING, I WANT TO BE YOUR BEST FRIEND!" is just admiration.

So, what kind of crushes do you have on guys? Is it the first type or the second? If its attraction, your'e straight or at least bi. If its admiration, you probably aren't straight (or even bi.)

You are the only one who can truly answer this question. If you really want to know, remain yourself and remain open and love will find you.

Did you ever question your sexuality before this incident? People have the very powerful ability to place ideas about ourselves in our minds that are usually false...if you're truly not gay, why should this be any different? I too questioned my sexuality as a young teen because I mistakenly thought that admiration of other women = sexual attraction to them. It doesn't. I love both my current and former female therapists, and I admire some of the female teachers I've had in the past. I even find them attractive. But I realize that this really is pure respect and admiration rather than sexual attraction. Does any of this sound familiar? Like Lola said, only you can be certain of your sexuality. Don't let this girl get to you - bullying about one's sexuality (gay or straight) is far too common.

Hope this helps

Like Lola and Indie say only you can make that decision. An attraction to someone does not necessacarily equate to a desire to be with them in a sexual way. This is something I had to deal with in my late 20's because I was abused by so many men. I found some very tender comfort in a few women and thought for sure I was turning toward a lesbian lifestyle. Fortunately, my T helped me through it all. I have learned that I can deeply learn to love another woman without it having an sexual conotations. May you find the strength you need. This type of therapy cannot be rushed.

I never myself or thought that I might be a lesbian until that girl said anything. But a few months before she said anything, I noticed that I had a lot of thoughts about what it would be like to be with the boys in my class. Since I realized that, I got a quick idea in my head and I started envisioning one of the girls in my class. It was one of those "Don't think of a pink elephant" things I thought, though. I had to force myself to stop thinking about it because it was a bit intrusive. I and forgot completely about it by the time that girl and me started fighting.
Another time I think I had a dream that I was with a girl but I woke up feeling crappy about it. I eventually forgot that, too. It only happened once anyways. I think I tried to kiss my mom for as long as I could when I was little because I saw her and my dad kiss for a long time (just one long kiss). Before all this I sort of shared a lot of dirty jokes with my closest friend. My friends are ones that have forced themselves into my life because I'm to shy to openly meet them and because of that they're all girls. That's all I can think of at the moment.
Oh, and I was talking to my bisexual friend and now since she's bisexual I think that maybe we're a lot alike and that means I am, too. :/ What if next time I see her I think she's cute?

The first thing I notice about guys is their face. Even more specifically their hair. I also like stubble on guys. When I had my celebrity crush,

Right at this moment I feel asexual. :/ Like I don't care about men or women. But that still has me worried. It makes me think that I will realize that I like girls. I just think it's so weird to like girls and I don't want it. If I knew from the beginning that I was a lesbian then why would I be worried? My two friends are bisexual. They wouldn't care if I was. I may be a bit afraid to ever tell my parents this, though. They told me stuff before like how they wouldn't mind if any of their kids were gay and stuff but I still don't think I could do it. I don't know why. My English teacher was talking about Romeo and Juliet the other day and she brought up that "Romeo seemed more in love with the idea of being in love." Now I'm worried that that was the case with me? When I watched Twilight I got a crush on Robert Pattinson because... I'm not sure. I found him romantic and referred to him as sexy and had a million posters of him on my wall. I'm not really sure I ever got turned on by a guys chest, though. That makes me feel like a lesbian. I like their face more than the chest I guess? But that's not normal. What if all straight girls get turned on by chests and it's just me?

If I could make the decision I'd want to be straight. But right now I have no idea how I feel physically/emotionally anymore.

There have been times where I focused on the thought of kissing a girl and didn't get any feeling but did when I thought about kissing a man. But I always have to doubt myself and say "maybe it's because you're trying to deny it" or "you're not thinking about it enough".

Yes I think you're most likely straight and these thoughts are related to the OCD you have and obsessive thinking/intrusive thoughts. If they were coming only from you and having them from a young age, then my answer would be different. You started having them after being called this. Try not worry or feel stressed by the thoughts. If you were gay it would be okay.

The thing is, you can't really decide how you would feel by examining fantasies or thinking in theory about sex. The reality of it is usually very different A typical example of this is the idea of a three-some in that for most people (or so I have heard) it usually ends up just being awkward instead of amazing. What I am suggesting is that you should wait and see. The more stressed out you are now about it, the harder it will be to decide how you feel. Anything you conclude will feel forced. And you do have plenty of time, right?

（*Ｔ▽Ｔ）You must be so fed up with seeing my threads! But you've mentioned that you have known gay people so that makes your responses have a lot of meaning to me. The way you sum things up makes me feel stupid for doubting myself. Even though I don't feel convinced when I think to myself that "I'm straight," all the evidence is there so I can still believe in that. Thank you.

I'm looking at coming out stories and am feeling a bit better (I get highs and lows like that) because these girls feel the same way that I feel/felt about men.

MsBunny - honestly I'm not fed up at all. I've had experience in the Q&A section with this type of question. Usually I can spot the difference in the question as to whether the person might really be gay or if this is caused by OCD or obsessive thinking. You're the one who knows for sure but the problem is, a person who has OCD can't always trust the obsessive thoughts. If you've always been straight with no doubts, then you're probably safe with that.

I don't want anyone to take me wrong and think I'm against a poster realizing his/her sexual orientation. I'm all for people being who they are and I had a brother who was gay. If you reassure yourself you're not going to let the thoughts bother you, this should help. You can also think it would be perfectly fine if you were, so you don't have to stress about it. If someone said you were, doesn't have any justification for thinking you are.

MsBunny, you've gotten some terrific advice here. Forget what other people say about you--people can say anything. You're the only one who can know your sexual orientation, and you don't know it yet. It's a biological thing, not a logical thing. When your body's ready, you'll know for sure when someone really turns you on. No doubts about it.

You mentioned in one of your posts a literary character who was in love with the idea of being in love. You are certainly excited at the prospect. But you're worried, too, & love (especially young love) shouldn't be full of so much worry. As LolaCabanna said, remain yourself, remain open, and love will find you.

Wait for it, MsBunny. It's worth it.

The thing is is that all of this stuff you describe is so normal for someone your age. It's called curiosity. All of us have these thoughts but they don't usually indicate actual homosexuality. Most of my friends are gay. They said they could tell they were at a very young age. Nobody just wakes up one day thinking "I think I might be gay". I wouldn't worry about it

MsBunny - here's a link on intrusive thoughts from OCD. In the end you'll be who you're meant to be and whatever it turns out to be is perfectly fine.

http://www.brainphysics.com/hocd.php

I agree that with miss lynn. You will be and love who you are supposed to and it will be perfectly ok. :-)
Also, just to introduce a new idea. My sister told me once she learned in a college class that one study showed sexual orientation to be a spectrum( With 100% straight on one end and 100%gay /lesbian on the other end )and people usually fall somewhere on the spectrum, but arent always 100% one way or the other. For example a straight man can be attracted to another man because he is somewhere toward middle of spectrum. A straight woman might fall in love with another woman because she isn't 100% straight. In fact, homophobic people may just be those that fall somewhere like that on the spectrum and are scared/ disgusted by own feelings even though it's just normal.

I agree with all the good advice given here, and I also had another thought: When you called this girl a lesbian, is that because you knew, absolutely knew, that she was a lesbian, even if she didn't know it yet? I'm guessing the answer to that is probably no. There is no way that she could know if someone is a lesbian if they don't think it themselves, and she can't make you a lesbian by calling you one either.

I've got to say though, everything you've said here, it sounds to me that you're straight. There's no reason you have to have it all figured out now though. There's no deadline for working out what your sexuality is. If you're attracted to someone and want to date them, go for it, and if it feels right, then you'll know.

First things first. Sit down. Relax. Take in a deep breath and let it out slowly. I really think Ms Bunny you may be trying to "wear" a "label" someone unthinkingly and cruelly slapped on your back and your OCD is
making things worse for you. Your constant worrying over this matter could "trap" you into many directions very innocently. I think you are a very wonderful, talented ordinary girl trying to find her place in the world. Don't let the world take your innocence from you. It would be an honor for me to meet you someday even if it is behind a McDonald's resturant. Good luck to you.

I tend to subscribe to the spectrum theory now, after spending many years in confusion. I realized most of the fear was due to fear of my family's reaction, as they seem close minded folk for the most part.

I think what's more important than your actual orientation is the fear that underlies being gay. Why are you so worried? What does it mean to y

Stuff gets messed up when I try to post on my phone...

Anyway, good luck with your journey of self discovery, there's really nothing to fear in who you are, but trust the wisdom of your intuition regarding how safe you fe

Grr. I give up. Is there a mobile versiin of this site that I can post to? It seems to be read only...

What does this mean? It looks like maths!

Excellent! You are brave, but sensible too. I feel that you are on the way to being a fine young woman.

Thank you! I'm sure I'll come around at some point. I'm impatient, though.