[anthony81]

After thinking about some of the posts I've made lately, and doing some research online.. it dawned on me what is happening.

I am a very straight male in that I crave only girls. I cringe at a guy even touching me.

I once though I was a tranny and was intimate with them but it felt uncomfortable so I realize it was just a temporary fetish and I really just want to be with a girl and always did.

HOWEVER....

1) whenever I talk to a girl I sound girly and just like one of them. I even talk
about girly stuff like how I went to yoga class or about my feelings, etc.

2) I am extremely thin and have a body of an 18-year-old girl, even though I'm a 31 year old guy!!

3) In a few sexual episodes with an actual girl, I simply could not keep it up and I think this turned them off. It was embarrasing I must admit.

4) I NEVER hang with the boys, did not play sports in school, and never 'throw down a beer' on a friday night. weird, right?

So how can I regain some testosterone naturally and start to be a man again. I know that deep down this is what a girl wants is to be with a man not someone like me. This gender awareness problem has affected me on the job too... I never felt like I fit in with the guys.

[JLarissaDragon]

I really think that I would contact a physician and get tested for testosterone levels. They do vary from person to person and many men may in fact confuse a low testosterone issue with gender identity. There are medical supplements that can address the problem if that is the case. I would be suspicious of any so called natural or over the counter remedies. The scams and quackery run rampant and the only thing that they relieve is you of your excess cash

[Big Mama]

Were you raised mostly by a female? Do you have any brothers? The reason I ask is often it is not hormone it is upbringing. I know several men who were raised by a female (mom) and dad was simply not around much. It does affect how you develop interests and how you behave with others. My own 2 boys are not so masculine. No doubts about there sexuality though. Straight as arrows. I personally am drawn to a man who lacks masculinity. I want to feel understood and most men are not capable of that. Those reared by there mother or another influential female do seem to have more understanding type qualities. I hope this has helped some. Good luck with this.

Sorry you're having problems Anthony. I don't think testosterone deficiency makes anyone gay or "act gay." I have a friend who takes a pharmaceutical testosterone supplement prescribed by a doctor. We didn't discuss it in depth but basically it just raised his energy level, which was the intent. You may still want to talk to a doctor about it though. I don't recall the exact price but a month's prescription was very expensive. I'm thinking between $200 and $300. If you feel like taking the risk there are several "herbs" and supplements available at health food stores. You want to be very careful with those. The problem is...you don't know how much you need, how much you're getting, or if it's even safe and/or effective. Most times you won't even know what you are taking. And it will probably be expensive as well.
The only way to get real testosterone therapy is through a doctor/pharmacy.

[anthony81]

Thanks, big mama.

To answer your question...
I first lived with mom then went to dad at age 8 after their divorce... so mom not around much after that really. The paternal aunts and grandmother were the boss at home and dad worked double shifts so he certainly was not one to sit and talk about birds & bees. haha. I had male cousins around but they were much older than me. I remember being into sports and baseball alot as a kid. The real femininity I started to feel in my mid-20s. I worked in the Village (a very hipster part of NYC) and was exposed to alot of counterculture. I had gay co-workers for the first time. I started doing mostly girl activities like yoga and having female roommates. So I sort of just fell into a more feminine side of myself. At the same time I felt that I craved girls attention and became obsessed with them that is another reason I gravitated that way. Some guys want to feel that deep emotional connection with girls, due to a yearning of some sort. Unfortunately it doesnt translate into getting more sex with them but the opposite!

Originally Posted by Big Mama

Were you raised mostly by a female? Do you have any brothers? The reason I ask is often it is not hormone it is upbringing. I know several men who were raised by a female (mom) and dad was simply not around much. It does affect how you develop interests and how you behave with others. My own 2 boys are not so masculine. No doubts about there sexuality though. Straight as arrows. I personally am drawn to a man who lacks masculinity. I want to feel understood and most men are not capable of that. Those reared by there mother or another influential female do seem to have more understanding type qualities. I hope this has helped some. Good luck with this.

[Big Mama]

I know I'm different. I have been abused and overpowered by more then my fair share of men. I look for a calmer & gentler man. I envy some of my friends whose men like to shop, like to look good, don't mind taking the car to the oil shop for an oil change. I live in a part of VA that is very excepting of everything. It's like Woodstock 1960's around here. Open sex, communal living, gay/lesbian relations well accepted. Drag, & trans is part of every day life. I don't choose that, but have been exposed to it forever. So guys who don't like shop classes in school and choose cooking instead is widely accepted. Your identity is not defined by the amount of sex you do and don't have and with who. You are great because of who you are.

Again I prefer this kind of man. Women always complain about a man not showing his feminine side. I personally like calm gentle men. I am sure in alot of cases you find yourself in a friendship role. I hate that for you. It is not fair because you do not fit the average mold. You should not be judged for femininity. I can recall so many of my male acquaintances who have very feminine attributes that I would have liked to pursue a different other than friendship type of relationship. (Not now that I married) Hopefully the right girl will come along who love you for your qualities.

Hey Anthony here's something interesting I found: Clomifene. Normally used in female fertility therapy it's also used for men, off label, as an alternative to testosterone replacement therapy. It's generic so it's got to be much less expensive than testosterone replacement therapy. It's prohibited in organized sports and bodybuilding so there may be something to it
Good luck and listen to what Big Mama says

It's like Woodstock 1960's around here.

Map please

[Big Mama]

Check out Floyd Fest on line Guys (and Gals.) It's the greatest place on earth. Woodstock . People come from all over, other countries to get a modern day taste of Woodstock. Floyd VA is one unique place.

Best wishes to you.

[Nemo39122]

First check if you even have low testosterone. This could all just be your personality, which is fine.
If you do, it doesn't mean you "act gay." Gay and feminine are two very different things.

I would ask your doctor about it.

Originally Posted by Nemo39122

First check if you even have low testosterone. This could all just be your personality, which is fine.
If you do, it doesn't mean you "act gay." Gay and feminine are two very different things.

I would ask your doctor about it.

I agree. You claim to have low testosterone but do not mention if you have been checked for it. Please see your MD.

Just because you are effiminate does not mean you are gay. There are plenty of masculine gay men and I am sure the converse it true. In essense, you are normal as you currently are.

[emgreen]

I'm sorry you're experiencing such confusion right now Anthony. How do I tread lightly? Being transgendered, I think I might what you're going through; your description very much mirrors what I've been through in my own life. Like BP, gender dysphoria exists on a spectrum...each person experiencing it a bit differently. I'm far more the male side of this spectrum, BTW. I lived in denial & torment for 40 years before I finally accepted myself. This certainly wasn't easy for me, as society (especially in the States) shuns tampering with gender lines. It's a tough row to sow.

Testosterone? The last time I had blood work done, results showed that my testosterone level far is above that of your average bear. Roar!!! It's definitely worth a shot asking your doc about testosterone treatment. For me, however, testosterone levels have nothing to do with my gender dysphoria. "I yam what I yam & that's all what I yam." --Popeye. Please know I don't mean to scare the daylights out of you; I'm just sharing the view from where I sit...it doesn't necessarily apply to you.

Sexuality? Gender dysphoria has nothing to do with one's sexuality. Sexual orientation & gender identity are two different things altogether. As far as an explanation for transgenderism goes, studies are still inconclusive do to the low incidence of this "disorder." However, studies strongly point to the fact that it's purely physiological...that it's something in the brain. Me??? I was born male, live as a male & love women; but I still accept the fact that I'm transgendered...acceptance has been my saving grace.

While this might seem to be a digression, there was a piece last week in the NYT Magazine section that might help you understand more about gender identity. I hope it somehow helps...

http://www.nytimes.com/2012/08/12/ma...&_r=2&emc=eta1

Peace, brother.

[anthony81]

Thanks. I love to hear from an experienced trans person.

In recent years I wrestled with whether I am trans. I was really turned on by trans porn, experimented being intimated with trans girls also. The last one made me uncomfortable because it felt like being with a dude. Im not turned on by the smell of a guy so that was that. I guess just a temporary fetish purely to act out sexual tension.

It has made me more desiring of being with a "girl" now.

However at the same time I still very much feel like a girl rather than a guy.
I often fantasize about being a cute 18-year-old white teenage girl.. having slumber parties with them.. talking like them.. and so on. Lately I've caught myself using the phrase OMG and "totally" alot and I end up sounding like a Valley Girl from california whenever I talk.

I'm an only child so I'm thinking maybe I have a little sister complex.. in that I am desiring of a younger female version of myself to have fun with?

Originally Posted by emgreen

I'm sorry you're experiencing such confusion right now Anthony. How do I tread lightly? Being transgendered, I think I might what you're going through; your description very much mirrors what I've been through in my own life. Like BP, gender dysphoria exists on a spectrum...each person experiencing it a bit differently. I'm far more the male side of this spectrum, BTW. I lived in denial & torment for 40 years before I finally accepted myself. This certainly wasn't easy for me, as society (especially in the States) shuns tampering with gender lines. It's a tough row to sow.

Testosterone? The last time I had blood work done, results showed that my testosterone level far is above that of your average bear. Roar!!! While it's definitely worth a shot asking your doc about testosterone treatment. For me, testosterone levels have nothing to do with my gender dysphoria. "I yam what I yam & that's all what I yam." --Popeye. Please know I don't mean to scare the daylights out of you; I'm just sharing the view from where I sit...doesn't necessarily apply to you.

Sexuality? Gender dysphoria has nothing to do with one's sexuality. Sexual orientation & gender identity are two different things altogether. As far as an explanation for transgenderism goes, studies are still inconclusive do to the low incidence of this "disorder." However, studies strongly point to the fact that it's purely physiological...that it's something in the brain. Me??? I was born male, live as a male & love women; but I still accept the fact that I'm transgendered...acceptance has been my saving grace.

While this might seem to be a digression, there was a piece last week in the NYT Magazine section that might help you understand more about gender identity. I hope it somehow helps...

http://www.nytimes.com/2012/08/12/ma...&_r=2&emc=eta1

Peace, brother.