There's something very wrong with my younger brother and I don't know how to help.

Hello everyone. I was advised to ask this on here so I thought I will give it a try.
My brother's behavior has drastically changed over the past few weeks.
Some people on the other discussion board even suggested that I should actually use force to make my brother see a psychiatrist (because he refuses to do so, even though I tried to talk him into at least seeing a counselor). I really don’t know if this is the right decision, because I’m afraid of losing my brother’s trust. Therefore, I need someone else opinion before I make any choices. Do you think it's serious enough that he needs to be forced to see a psychiatrist? I will try to describe everything in details.

His change in behavior was sudden but I don’t know what’s precisely wrong with him or how to help him because he will not talk to me, or to anyone else. He’s 17. He was always liked by everyone, he was kind, caring, he had perfect grades, he was very devoted to practicing piano (he’s extremely talented). Then something has changed. He lost interest in everything. As if he’s completely a different person. He seems very depressed, skips college all the time, spends all day in bed, snaps at everyone. What worries me most though, is that he started taking strong sedatives, I don’t even know how he got them in the first place, but when he takes them, he just seems totally unresponsive. I know that he suffers from nightmares. Sometimes I can hear him crying after he wakes up. Still, he refuses to talk to me. He won’t even let me try to help. Another think that I find really strange, is that shortly after his behavior change, he suddenly announced that he’s gay. He just looked at me and said “Your brother is a damn ****** I thought you should know that”. At first, I thought he was joking, but he keeps claiming that he is gay. I don’t really feel comfortable saying this but I guess it’s ok since I’m anonymous here but sometimes, when he wakes up in the middle of the night, he will crawl into my bed and say stuff like “Does it turn you on when we sleep together like this? Do you wanna do it with me?” He doesn’t touch me in a sexual manner though, but after saying that stuff he will just curl up and go to sleep (he won’t back into his own bed though). Of course, I tried to tell him to stop hundreds of times but he won’t listen. After his behavior change he generally became very vulgar, especially when it comes to talking about sex, sometimes I just don’t recognize him. There’s the last thing which really concerned me… His internet history. For the past few weeks he’d been reading horrible sadistic stories. I really mean it, they are just so disgusting, they make me sick. They are all about abuse, torture and rape (only male on male though), and he reads them every day.

Some more information:my brother lives with me. I’m already 19 so I moved out half a year ago. My brother begged me to let him live with me because he said that he doesn’t get along with our father. So I let him, I though it was just going to be a short term thing but he didn’t change his mind. I don’t mind him around, so I’ve never tried to make him live with our parents again. Our parents don’t really care much. so I’m not sure if talking to them won’t make things even worse.

Even today, I tried to talk to him but he completely ignored me, he didn’t even look at me. He just said that he’s skipping tomorrow again so he asked me not to wake him up. I came back really late last nigh and he was already asleep, unfortunately, once again, in my own bed. I decided to sleep in his bed because to me, it just doesn’t feel right to share a bed with him, but he woke up after a few hours and actually sneaked into the bed with me, again. I was too tired to argue with him so I just let it go. As much as I dislike saying this, he was talking about sex again, I know it sounds strange but it’s just as if he’s trying to provoke me to see my reaction. I ignored that behavior and he finally calmed down and fell asleep. I probably wouldn’t see anything wrong with sharing a bed with him, for example if he was just scared because of the nightmares he suffers from, that would be understandable, but it’s the fact that he says all those things to me, idk it’s really illogical to me.

2 people form different discussion boards actually suggested that he might have been abused in a sexual way, and that's the reason for his behavior. Still, I don't know what to think of this, wouldn't he avoid sexual stuff if that would be the case? He, however, actually seems obsessed with sex now (not in a healthy way though, I mean the way he talks to me, and all the rape stories he reads). He was always rather shy when it comes to that stuff, blushing all the time even when he was watching non explicit film scenes, that’s why it shocked me even more.

How am I supposed to help him, when I don’t even know what’s wrong with him and he doesn’t want any help? Do you think that he might have some sort of mental illness? I’m very worried about him. He looks ill, too, he looks like he hadn’t slept in weeks and I think he lost weight because he looks even skinnier than usual..
Please, offer me some advice, I feel completely lost. Should I use force to make him see a psychiatrist? Or do you think he needs more time? How should I act when he sneaks into my bed and says all that stuff?
I'm sorry, I know it's a long read.

Hey Nathaniel,

Wow... this is really hard and I am sorry this is quite a hard topic for you.

When I was reading your post I immediately thought of abuse. I am sorry if this is not what you wanted to hear. The whole fact he has changed his behaviour recently, he has stopped going to college, has possible depression, is talking sexually to you and is jumping into bed with you is all ringing alarm bells in my head.

I have a Twin sister and ye we share a bed at times however the fact he is talking quite sexual to you is rather worrying.

Do you think he is gay? Do you think he has been abused?

Has he always had an up and down relationship with your Dad?

Also is there no way of talking to your folks?

If I were you I would confront your Brother about everything and tell him how uncomfortable he is making you feel in your own house. Also if he contonues this behaviour and is not willing to seek help then he will need to leave as it is making you be fearful in your own house.

I hope other's check your post and comment it might be good to get a few different opinions.

Hope this kinda helped!

PS.... Has his college not reported that he isn't turning up?

If he is depressed, it doesn't mean that something happen to him. People tend to link depression to an event, but it's mostly provoked by internal events. So, do not keep asking what is wrong with him, he probably cannot give you and answer.

If he trusts you somehow and if you can increase this trust just by being accessible to him, you'll taking the first step in helping him. But beware, many people with mental illness do not like to speak openly about it, and others do not really know what's wrong with them, as said. Also do not try to cheer him up, things don't work this way.

What really is happening to him will take time to come out. It could be something as serious as schizophrenia, some a little bit more manageable like depression, it could be that he's being mobbed at school and it could be some harmless as that he has fallen in love.

People who have been sexually abused don't necessarily avoid sex. That wasn't the case with my sister. She's a sex addict now. I don't really know what to tell you. If he doesn't want to see a therapist, then forcing him to see one probably won't be very productive. I guess I would just try to talk to him about it and confront him, like Miss Laura said. Sorry, wish I could be of more help.

Hi there. I hope I can help.

Firstly, do let me apologize for everything going on...I know this can't be easy for you. I do agree that it sounds very much like abuse, though I couldn't tell you any more than you could about the specifics. I do confess, and please don't take offense...do you think there's any chance your father and what he's going through could be related? As I said, no offense there, but I don't think I'd be helping if I precluded that possibility, horrible as it is.

At any rate, sexual abuse victims vary in their responses to the abuse in regards to the libido. Some report losing their sex drive, as avoidance to sex removes the possibility of that ever happening again, or link the trauma too much to sex in general to have a sex life after the event. That is one side of the spectrum. Others can actually increase or alter their sexual behavior, which I think is what your brother is doing. Based on everything you've said, it sounds to me as though he was abused by a male, and is thus trying to "normalize" his experience by throwing himself headlong into this. That is of course purely my speculation, and I hope I am as wrong as I can be.

As far as therapy goes, you can't force him to go. Even if you did, he has to want to be there to get help. Otherwise, he will simply go through the motions, or worse, remain unreceptive to the treatment. You can't force him, though you can convince him. Explain that you love him, and that you're concerned for him, and you think that therapy might be able to help him. Explain that you only want him to feel better, and you think right now that he is suffering. That, I think, is your best shot.

Please know that you and him are both in my prayers. I hope for all the best for you both.

My best,
Harley

Thank you for replying, everyone. It really means a lot to me because I just really feel like I need to talk to someone about this issue.

Miss Laura, I honestly do not know to if he's gay. Like I said, he claims that he is, but it was very sudden, and the way he phrase it, were just really awkward. I only know that he used to watch heterosexual porn sometimes but according to his inter history now, he stopped doing that. In fact, he stopped watching porn altogether, now he only reads rape/abuse stories.
His relationship with father was never really perfect. Our father was always very strict with him because he had quite high expectations of him, especially when it comes to my brother's piano lessons. They rarely argued, however, my brother often tried to avoid spending time with father. I can't remember him ever being affectionate with father like he was with mother, they were quite distanced I guess.

I'm not sure if threatening to kick him out is a good idea, I'm worried that it may make him even worse, I guess my house seems like a comfort zone to him? Because he likes to spend time here. I'm not sure if college notified our parents. If it did, they didn't say anything. Still, on the other hand, he's 17 so maybe college isn't really that bothered with attendance anymore.

also_depr, him being depressed isn't really my biggest concern, I understand that everyone has their ups and downs, I'm more concerned about the other issues, like his sexual behavior and unsupervised medication use. But I will try to make him trust me more, just like you said.

Hatter08, I see, I guess I'm a bit uneducated in that aspect, I will try to do some more research.

Harley47, I honestly don't think that father could do anything of that sort to him. He might've been strict when it comes to my brother but I can't see him as an abuser. Anyway, he never even tried to harm me in such a way.

I understand.. So it won't help if I try to force him into therapy... You know, when I try to talk to him, he insists that he's fine, even though he obviously isn't. I don't really know what to say to him anymore.

Some of you suggested that i should directly confront him about the possibility of abuse but I have no idea how to do this. I don't want to be insensitive about this, is it alright if I ask something like "Did someone hurt you in anyway? Is that what makes you so depressed?" Or do you think that's going to just make him even more secretive about everything? Or maybe I should try something less direct? For example watch some sort of film with abuse, just to test his reaction? Or is it a bad idea? I'm really not good at this... I feel guilty because he's under my care now and I just totally don't know how to act around him.

Again, thanks for all your advice everyone, I really appreciate it.

nathaniel1993
Being gay is not a choice, and your brother may have been fighting this battle inside for a long time. Once he knew what was going on, and could no longer deny it to himself, it must have devestated him. Even though there shouldn't be any shame in being gay, society tends to make gay people outcasts, often the object of hate crimes.

Your brother may be angry with himself, even discusted with himself, and that may manifest as anger. Finding magazines depicting sexual sadism in his room may a reflection of that anger. I agree that magazines like that are disturbing, and he needs help both with accepting himself and dealing with his anger.

Coming on to you may be part of his confusion. I had a friend who, at the onset of realizing her sexual prefence, told me that occassionally she felt aroused by her younger sister who slept in the same room. I don't know where that comes from, but your brother is not the only one to go through that. Imagine how you would feel if you had, or thought you had intimate feelings towards him. In essence, trade places with your brother.

If your brother has been molested, he probably wouldn't want to talk about it. Girls that have been molested at a young age, sometimes become promiscuous. It sounds backwards, but some do. When women are raped or molested, they are often overcome with guilt and shame. It can be hard for them to talk about the experience. In men, not only do they have to deal with the shame they feel, but they also feel that it is a relection of their own weakness. After all, a "real man" would have beat the crap out of the person attempting to molest or rape them.

Regardless of the cause, your brother needs help before he hurts himself or someone else. There are hotlines, where your brother would not have to show his face, psychologists and psychiatrists, or, depending on your religious background, a minister. Getting him to go might be hard. He needs to know that it is not his fault if he was molested, or his choice if he is gay.

Don't give up on your brother. He needs you more now than ever.

Sam2

Sam2, thank you for replying to my post.
I would be relieved if I knew that his behavior was caused by the lack of acceptance for his sexual orientation. I'm sure it would be much easier for him to deal with this, than, for example abuse.

I'm grateful to you for mentioning your friend and the feelings she had towards her sister. I was quite disturbed by his behavior but now I'm glad to know that he's not the only one doing something like that.

You've also mentioned that people molested at a young age may become promiscuous in later life. Does it mean that he might have been abused in a sexual way as a child, and that caused his sudden change in behavior now, after all the years? Is that possible? I thought that something must have happened to him recently.. But maybe I'm wrong, I'm really no good at psychology.

Like you suggested, I will keep trying to make him get some sort of help but I won't try to force him to. Still, I wish he'd tell me what really is going on because if someone had hurt him, I will make sure that this person gets punished.

I know I should be supportive but sometimes I just can't take his attitude anymore and yell at him. I even hit him once. I still feel horrible about that, I know it was the wrong thing to do but I just completely lost my temper. I was exhausted because I've just returned from work, he made such a mess in the house.. He was a bit drunk and began to talk about sex again, he was just.. trying to hit on me I guess, and no matter what, he wouldn't shut up. I apologized to him on the next day but he didn't seem to care about what happened at all.

Do you all think that I should just leave him alone now? I mean, let him skip, take the sedatives and just ignore him when he comes to my bed? Sorry for all the questions but I'm just trying to find the best way to help him.

I also wanted to apologize for my last post, I just noticed it was full of typos and errors, really sorry, I was very tired when typing.

Welcome to PC nathaniel1993 and so sorry this is happening to your brother. This must be so confusing and scary for you. Do you mind me asking if you're male of female - maybe I missed this is your post? Is there any history of mental illness in your family? Sometimes a mental illness can set in late teens and early 20's - for example my own deceased brother developed Bipolar and revealed his sexual orientation in his mid 20's - he went through a big personalty change. Has your brother done any drugs like synthetic marijuana or bath salts? - these legal substances have been known to produce psychotic episodes.

I think you need to have a talk with your brother and ask him what's happening/to explain this behavior. Ask him where he's getting this sedative and why he's lost interest in school. Since he's been inappropriate in your bed, I feel you need to put a lock on your door - mainly because of what you found on his computer. This is your place so you have the right to boundaries. Explain you're worried and need some answers. I sure hope he sees a doctor and you should go with him.

I agree with Harley and Lynn. In my opinion abuse does sound like the most likely scenario to me, but like others said, this could all be caused by him realizing certain things about himself, like having feelings towards other men. I would definitely confront him. Do it when both of you are relatively calm. Tell him you are concerned and worried about his behavior. Talk to him about how you really want to trust him but the way he is acting is hard for you to understand. It's okay to ask if he's been hurt by someone, or if someone has said something that upset him. I think you do really need to talk to him to further investigate if he is likely to harm you. You could suggest interest in talking to a therapist about some of the issues you are having and was wondering if he would go with you.

Lynn. P, thank you for replying to my post. I am male. I only know that our parents and grandparents never had any mental illnesses. But I don't know about the rest of the family.
I am sorry to hear about your brother. Do you mind if I ask, if there were any similarities in his behavior when he was developing bipolar, and whether it happened suddenly?
As far as I know, he never did that kind of drugs, he only takes the sedatives. I've asked him where he gets them from but he just rudely told me to mind my own business. When he leaves the house sometime, I'm going to find them all and threw them out, I've had enough of his attitude.

It's impossible to put a lock, since we actually share a bedroom. It's pretty spacious therefore 2 beds fit there with no problem. I live in a 1 bedroom flat and can't really afford anything else now. I'm not afraid of him, or anything of that sort, especially since I'm a lot stronger, but still, as you pointed out, it would probably stop him sneaking into my bed at night.

ickydog2006, thanks a lot for your input. As some of you suggested, once again, I've tried to confront him about all the issues. Unfortunately, as expected, it was impossible to have a civil discussion with him. When I asked, if someone did something to him, he got really angry and yelled that, I will quote his exact words 'You're the one that makes me go mad'. This is completely ridiculous.. He wanted to move in, I agreed, and now he complains, even though all I'm doing is trying to help him.
I lost my patience with him, again, and told him to go pack his stuff, because he's moving back to our parents house. Of course, I didn't mean it, but he probably thought I did. He locked himself in the bathroom for hours, crying. Really, I didn't expect that, I didn't think he would react this way. Before that 'personality change' he rarely ever cried, only when he was idk, like 7 or 8. Now he does it a lot. Since our argument (it was like 6 hours ago), he refuses to speak to me and just went to bed now (this time, fortunately, his own).

Sorry if my posts are too much of a bother but it makes me feel better to talk about this, and somehow, I can organize my thoughts better when I write it all. Once again, thanks for all the support.

You need to bring up his behavior during the day. Especially his behavior of getting into bed with you. During the night is not the time to address it. If he continues obviously you need to send him back to his own bed, but talking about it needs to be done during the day. I would suggest laying out for him that you are worried about him and think that a psychiatrist appointment would help him. The other thing is that since he is still a minor (I'm assuming he isn't emancipated) your parents will have to sign consent for his treatment. Tell him that you are worried about him and want to help. That you are open to talking about anything he wants to talk about. That is my suggestion.

I went back and re-read your original post. There are questions I didn't address, but before I do that, I'll try to answer you later posted questions.
For a person to be effected by sexual abuse, it does not have to be recent, nor does it have to have been an ongoing situation. Much of that depends on the individual and the age at which the abuse occured. IF your brother was abused at some point and never talked about it to anyone, over time, he may draw his own conclusions as to why it happened, why he didn't fight back (our minds can really find ways of punishing ourselves over time for things we had no control over). If he did say something and was punished or teased about the incident, that would certainly be upsetting.

It sounds like you need to set some boundries about your brother's behavior as far as wanting to get into bed with you. Without knowing him, its hard to say if he is just seeing how far he can push you before you no longer put up with it, or he actually has an attraction to you. Either way, the longer it goes on, the harder it will be to stop. He may not even know himself what he wants.

Harley, Lynn and the others all have valid concerns. The fact that your brother is not sleeping and losing weight is not a good sign. Your brother needs a professional to determine exactly what is going on. If the problem is mental illness, it needs to be treated like any other illness. If he is using drugs, throwing them out won't get you anywhere, and might be dangerous. Either way, you are not dealing with a problem that you can fix on your own. Having lost a friend to drug abuse, I can tell you that someone addicted to drugs is not rational and will do things that they ordinarily would never do. Some of which are dangeous. You also have to worry about the people who are supplying any drugs he may be taking. You don't want to be in the middle of it.

The bottom line is that you are in over your head, and it sounds like you know it. No one can tell you whether the best thing is to tell him to shape up or leave, or continue to support him. What ever has caused the initial problem, there are now layers of secondary problems on top. Perhaps he will get help if you go with him. He has to know at some level that you are between him living in a home and living on the street. Unfortunately, that also leaves you open to major manipulation. You don't want to lose your brother to drugs, suicide or some dealer's gun. Sometimes if you can open up a small crack by talking to someone, everything else starts to come out. Please do everything you can to get help for him and yourself. You can even call a counsellor or psychiatrist and make an appointment for you to find out how to handle the situation.

Stay safe and let us know how things go.

Sam2

googley, thank you for your input. Like suggested, I've tried speaking to him about the nighttime issue again, during the day when he was relatively calm. I asked him directly - why. He just said 'because I want to'. Honestly, I'm really trying hard to be patient with him, but that kind of attitude just drives me insane, he acts like such a brat sometimes. I've told him, managing not to shout at him this time, that this has to finally stop, and he can't ignore my words anymore. I've asked him, how can he not be disgusted or ashamed with himself when he says that sort of thing to his own brother, because I really wanted to have at least some answers. I thought that it may at least give some hints on what his intentions are, provoke him to talk. But after I said it, the talk was over, he refused to speak to me and didn't even reply. I'm fairly certain that he won't stop just like that. Is it, in your opinion, okay to use physical force in that case?
You've asked whether he's emancipated - no, he isn't. I'm also not his legal guardian, it's sort of a family agreement.

Sam2, once again, thank you for your time and effort. I understand now, thanks for clearing that up. I wasn't sure if something like that was possible (with sexual abuse in the past), so I really appreciate that you gave me some insight on it.
If it actually happened to him, I doubt he's ever going to tell me, no matter how much I try to make him talk about it to me. So I'm not sure if I'm ever going to find out what really happened.
I understand that he should see someone, but he just doesn't want to. I think he's the most stubborn person I know. I will keep trying to make him see someone, even a counselor, though.

Why do you think that throwing the drugs out is a bad idea? I don't think he's addicted, not yet, it hasn't been going for that long. That's why I believe I need to make it stop right now.
But you know, it really makes me wonder, who actually sells it to him. Sedatives aren't really hard drugs, so I think it may be someone from his college, I don't think it can be anyone dangerous (or maybe I'm just naive).

You are right, in the end, I have to make the decision myself, but still, I find all the advice I got from you lot very valuable, I'm really grateful for all the support.
I think it's actually a good idea, I might see a counselor myself, for now, just to see what he thinks about the whole situation. I've been also trying to find some more info about mental health online but to be honest, it just irritated me. I went on the royal college of psychiatrists website, section expert advice, young people. And the first thing I see is this :News:
- childhood sexual abuse may be important cause of schizophrenia
- pupils with top grades four times more likely to develop bipolar disorder
It's like, everything we've discussed here but they state it all as if these are certain facts... I don't know, it just upset me a bit. I really want him to be ok, I keep hoping it's nothing serious but everything hints otherwise. I feel guilty, that something must have happened to him when he was under my care. After all, he's still underage, so I'm responsible for him. And look what happened...

Something really needs to be done, and soon. I've developed a little plan. I don't know if this is the right thing, but I thought I will share it with you lot anyway, maybe some of you can add something to my list.
1. I can take 2 weeks off work, so from tomorrow, I will be home 24h/7. I know that 2 weeks isn't super long and I can't expect miracles, but I want to see at least some little changes.
2. No more skipping college for him, I will make sure that he attends every day. I will drive him to college myself, and then pick him up. I will ask his tutors to call me if he's skipping, hope they will cooperate.
3. When he's away tomorrow, I will search for all the drugs and threw them all away. He can't keep taking them, they are strong medications, he can't take them without doctor's supervision. I will tell him, that if he's got anxiety/sleeping problems, he can see a doctor, and they will probably prescribe sedatives to him.
4. No pocket money... And I will take away all his savings from him. I know it may seem a bit drastic but that's the only way I can stop him from buying more drugs.
5. Absolutely no bed sharing... Not sure how I'm gonna do this yet. Maybe I will just use force, like I said earlier. He just can't keep doing this. Of course, I don't mean fighting him but I will drag him back to his own bed if I have to.
6. Keep persuading him to see a psychiatrist, without being too pushy, offering comfort and trying to make him realize that I do care, even though my actions may not be pleasant to him.

I don't want to be too strict to him but I need to take some control back, he can't just keep doing what he pleases. I know that he's going through tough times but I think this is for his own good. I will let you guys know how things are going sometime soon. Also, thanks again, for listening and for chatting to me, I really appreciate all your posts.

I think the easiest way to keep him from coming into your room in the middle of the night is to put a lock on your door. That physical barrier will let him know that you mean what you say. That this behavior can not continue. As it seems like your requests aren't being heeded. For your own safety it is important to protect yourself.

Its sounds like you have a good plan and I agree with the others he should be seeing a professional. Agree you have to put some boundaries and no more taking drugs that aren't prescribed. He needs to explain this behavior and respect the sleeping arrangements.

To answer your question - yes my brother went through a drastic personality change. TBH it was like he became a different person - he was funny and had a wonderful personality...then he changed completely. He didn't do any of the behavior you mentioned.

Ask your brother what's the problem and why does he want to sleep with you. Does he remember saying those comments to you? Good to speak with him during the day. I hope you get to the bottom of why he's like this and I hope it gets better.

googley, unfortunately, we share a bedroom, since I'm renting a flat, so I can't do that. Making him leave my bed using force (surprisingly, he didn't put up a fight at all) didn't really work.. As soon as I would fall back asleep, he would just sneak in again. However, I've noticed that he stopped talking about sex so much (he won't make those sexual comments as often anymore). So maybe we're getting somewhere, after all.

lynn P., thank you for clearing that up. Maybe I will look it up and read more on the symptoms. When I ask him that, he just says that he wants to. Sometimes he will say that's he's scared to be on his own. And yes, I'm sure that he does remember because when I try to make him talk about it during the day, he gets really withdrawn and uncomfortable. He tries to act as if nothing happened, but I can see that he knows he did something wrong.

I'm trying to go along with the plan, I think it's going ok so far, except the bed sharing part. But I think that making him go to college was even worse than taking away the drugs. At first, he was acting like he was possessed when he found out that he's got no choice but to start attending. But I didn't change my mind, which I'm quite glad about, because I was very close to that, he was acting totally hysterical and I didn't know what to do. Now he won't try to argue over that but he seems... I really don't know, weird somehow. When he comes back, he's very quiet, and seems even more apathetic for a while. He looks nervous in the mornings, though. Of course, I've asked him about that but he wouldn't tell me.

He was quite angry about the sedatives but I think he got over it now. Still, he often seems very restless during the evening and he said that he can't get more than max 4hrs of sleep (I'm pretty sure that he's not lying since he spends half of the night moving to different beds.....).

Still, what I found surprising, is that his whole attitude towards me changed now. He's never as rude anymore, like he used to be. What I've also noticed, is that he constantly wants to spend time with me, like he suggests we watch a movie together and stuff like that. It looks to me like he's glad that I've time off work and I'm able to pay a lot more attention to him. Still, one thing I found a bit weird, was that he tried to give me his pendant - which is actually his most treasured possession because he's basically been given it when he was born and had it ever since. I didn't take it and when I've asked him why would he do that, he just said that it was supposed to be a 'thank you' for taking care of him. I'm really not sure how to interpret that, maybe I'm just trying to read too much into his behavior. I think he feels guilty, because today he kept saying that he's a burden to me. Of course, I told him I like to have him around etc. but he didn't seem convinced.
But I think he's slowly trying to get a grip on himself again because he actually cleaned up the house a bit today. He even got rid of some of his old stuff.

I have an appointment with a counselor tomorrow. Unfortunately, he doesn't want to go with me, but I will go anyway, and talk to the counselor about the whole situation.
Once again, thanks for all the support!

You have quite a situation and I would like to respond further when I am able but I am short on time now.

The combination of sedatives and alcohol can be deadly. He may well need sedatives but he needs to get those prescribed for him and he should take them as prescribed. Alcohol is a depressant and though it might feel good for the moment no good can come of using alcohol.

The college/univ should have therapists available and may have psychiatrists. Even if he has to pay he needs to see a professional and soon. If he is doing poorly in classes related to depression or a mental problem he may be able to get special consideration from the office of exceptional students; the therapist/doctor can help with this.

I just wanted to offer my support and I think your plan was a very wise and well thought out one. I'm sorry you arn't getting very far in the bed sharing department but don't give up. It does sound like things have been improving. It'll take time but I really think you are getting somewhere.

Maybe you can ask him if he has been bullied lately at uni?

Yoda, thank you for replying. I absolutely agree, this is not a good combination, and I've been trying my best to put an end to this.
The college already knows of the situation.

ickydog2006, thank you very much for your support, I really appreciate it.

Confusedinomicon, he told me he hasn't been bullied but I don't really know. He lies all the time now.

I am very sorry for such a late response but there was a lot going on, things took a turn for the worse. I'm afraid that I ultimately failed as guardian...
But I really wanted to say thanks to you all, I didn't expect so many replies and kind words.