[doggiedo]

How do you know if you are straight, gay or bisexual? I only ask because I'm in my thirties, female and have always been with guys. I was married right after graduate school and explored porn with my husband (who is now my ex), and I think female porn turns me on more than anything else.

I find women beautiful and am attracts to specific body parts. I am currently divorced and have been dating guys, and have never dated women. I don't picture myself with a woman as I get older, but I picture myself with a man, having a family, etc. I just think women's beautiful. I don't really get excited about the idea of dating women-it actually terrifies me! I just feel more comfortable with men.

So, am I gay since I masterbate to women? Or am I bi since I like men and women? But idk if I'd ever date a woman, so maybe it's just a physical attraction? I'm welcome to your suggestions as to what I am ? I'm just a little confused.

[MudCrab]

Interesting question, doggiedo. My suggestion is to do some exploring.

This study may help:

Sexual Orientation: Eyes Reveal Who's Straight & Who's Gay, Study Suggests
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2012/0...n_1740315.html

[doggiedo]

That's interesting but I can't do that test on myself.

Idk if I want to experiment. I think it would be hard to find a woman to date. It's hard enough to find a good guy to date! Lol

[hamster-bamster]

My first English teacher, a totally awesome, one of a kind guy, is bi turned gay. He is just the sweetest and coolest around. Unfortunately I lost track of him many years ago. At any rate, some fifteen years ago when I was inbetween marriages, he said: what? You have never tried lesbian lifestyle?? Come on, you have not begun to live your life! And sometimes I think that what if he is right and I am missing out on something grand, but at the same time I have no inclination...

If you are currently completely free and if you at least some inclination, why not experiment? Go to plenty of fish and put up a profile saying that you are unsure but do. Appreciate feminine beauty. And then see what happens. Let it unfold. Trust chance for a bit.

[doggiedo]

That's an interesting way to look at things, for sure! Actually it's a refreshing way to look at things! I actually did just that- and I was online listed as "woman looking for woman" but I didn't get any hits! I even messaged a few people and nothing really panned out. So I chalked it up to not enough fish in the sea, u know?

When people ask me at work how it's going I wanna say I'm dating women! But I don't. I work at a college so it's really liberal and a handful of my select friends (coworkers) would be like, oh cool! But I also don't think it's appropriate. Well, come to think of it why wouldn't it be appropriate. If we talk about my dating life then why not? Yea, I'll still keep it to myself. But my best friends know- I told them that I'm atleast bi. So that was a little liberating to admit it and be supported.

Maybe I'll try it again. I'm afraid of admitting I'm curious ( on a site) and having someone take advantage of my new-ness, if that makes any sense. I have a gay friend who is married and she said to just be careful that I'm not an experiment for someone else...like a "challenge" for them to try and use me. Idk what I think about that comment but still! Something to think about!

Thanks for the suggestion though. I think I need to just get some courage and do it!

[hamster-bamster]

Definitely be safe for reasons you outline. Many years years ago I spent a week or two on Fire Island, a vacation plaace for New Yorkers. I was with my toddler son and Stan, a single older guy, an exceedingly wonderful man. I was completely completely clueless about the things you are describing. Fire Island as a name meant nothing to me. I was not a New Yorker, I was just visiting Stan who was. I myslef was moving from Texas to California that summer. So I was not in the know.

Fire Island does have a nude beach but the vacation house Stan was renting was next to the regular beach. On that regular beach, a woman started talking to me in a way that ifound, well, a little flattering and I was also just plain curious. It was unusual. I was not bicurious but just plain curious.

I was in my twenties and she, probably forties.

I was still clueless though. I did not understand what she was doing. But when she started framing it in terms of pitying me as I according to her was this poor girl stuck with a guy who must be treating me wrong and not appreciating my great qualities enough, I got suspicious and told Stan.

It infuriated him. Just infuriated and he definitely was not someone to lose his temper easily.

He explained to me that Fire Island had long been THE vacation spot for the city's lesbian and gay community and that the lady was preying on me and that to be the first lesbian experience of a formerly straight girl is regarded as a special prize. By the way it happened before my childhood's English teacher told me that I did not know life, so I was really hundred percent clueless.

The lady who was hitting on me probably badmouthed the guy I was with because she hoped that perhaps she would be on target as oftentimes men do mistreat their women and it is known that in some cases women explore same sex connections not out. Of strong endogenous attraction but to escape maltreatment by males. In my particular case she was wrong, the guy treated both me and my son superbly, but I am sure that in some other cases her tactics worked.

[hamster-bamster]

I am sure that if converting an unsuspecting girl is regarded as winning a special prize, then there would be ladies who would prey on someone who has announced herself curious, unsure, and at the crossroads. But I still do not see how you would avoid announcing that. If you post as a seasoned lesbian, you would run in more troubles. So just interview the. Women carefully so to speak, to try to dtermine who is genuine and who is hoping to add you to her collection of trophies.

[doggiedo]

Update! I've been on one online daring websites and the women just aren't pretty or attractive to me. Is it bc I'm nervous? Or trying to convince myself I'm not attracted to them? Or, do I only like them when I masterbate? Idk. Someone told me that f I think of one gender while Masterbating then that's probably who I'm attracted to...

Still confused. And if I'm bi, then how do I know which gender I want to eventually settle down with? Won't something always feel like it's missing if I like both genders but settle down with one?

doggie, why do you have to choose? Can't you just leave yourself open to either and let the chips fall where they may? You said you work at a college, so surely there are lesbian geared functions, clubs, bars, gatherings where you may meet someone and just see how it feels? As for predatory older lesbians looking for straight girls to flip, I am sure there are a few. The world is filled with all sorts of people. In my experience most lesbian's do not like to get involved with first timers or straight women, as they run the risk of being an experiment and getting hurt by these women. So I guess it depends on if your in it for a relationship or for fun. Good Luck!

[AngelWolf3]

I have been asking myself this question for quite some time, too. And yesterday, actually a friend of mine asked like, how do people know they're gay? etc etc, and I was like, How do you know you're straight? Don't you just know? But I don't know! LOL so that reasoning doesn't work at least in my case, and from what I have read, your case too.

You are def not alone in your 'viewing preferences' too, i am also early 30s and enjoy what you do, as opposed to "straight" stuff...

So maybe I live vicariously through you, keep us posted!

(don't know if this helped at all, but wanted to comment on your thread...so, yeah)

[doggiedo]

I wonder if we will go through life not knowing. I feel like we at least deserve it to ourselves to find out how to. discover who we really are?

[hamster-bamster]

Originally Posted by doggiedo

I wonder if we will go through life not knowing. I feel like we at least deserve it to ourselves to find out how to. discover who we really are?

I think people who are reallly bi should not settle down with one gender. At least if I were with a bi man, not that it has ever happened but who knows what the future holds for me, I would encourage him to have relationships with men in parallel with hours. I would certainly feel very uneasy being with someone suppressing half of his orientation.

[hamster-bamster]

Typo: in parallel with ours.

[doggiedo]

Yea but with that train of thought, does that mean I never settle down? I want to eventually get married and have kids..

[hamster-bamster]

Originally Posted by doggiedo

Yea but with that train of thought, does that mean I never settle down? I want to eventually get married and have kids..

I am sure there are flexible men who would have children with a bi woman without restricting her lesbian part.

[AngelWolf3]

I just re-found this thread...I think it would be ideal if there was a guy like that out there, hamster!

[hamster-bamster]

Originally Posted by AngelWolf3

I just re-found this thread...I think it would be ideal if there was a guy like that out there, hamster!

I sure hope you will find one!

I'm sort of in the same boat but I can definitely see myself in a relationship with a woman. I've been with men all of my life and have only made out with women, but I find myself less and less attracted to men and almost repulsed by the idea of relationships with them, and more desiring of relationships with women. I'm sure I'm bisexual if not gay. The problem is I don't know how to meet a woman. I live in a fairly conservative area and most of what I've found both online and off caters to gay men. To those of you who have tried Plenty of Fish...did it work for you? OkCupid didn't work for me for lesbian dating. Hetero online dating didn't ever work for me so...idk.

[Broachellen]

A lot of woman who like men find women attractive only during sexual situations. Good for the woman cause most men don't mind that and even encourage it. Maybe you would be more comfortable trying a woman if a man was also in the picture. Just a thought

[Typo]

I identify as bisexual even though my preference leans more towards women. You just have to get out there and see how things work out. Being with women isn't a big difference from.being with a man emotionally, a relationship is a relationship regardless the sex or gender of the people involved.

Have you ever considered dating a woman or going on a date with a woman to see how you feel about it?

[doggiedo]

I have thought about it but I haven't found a girl I'm attracted to. I did onlirn dating but never contacted any girls via the website- it non contacted me so I gave up.

[hamster-bamster]

Originally Posted by doggiedo

I have thought about it but I haven't found a girl I'm attracted to. I did onlirn dating but never contacted any girls via the website- it non contacted me so I gave up.

If it is meant to be, it is meant to be. If you are a little bi, an attractive girl will come along.

Originally Posted by hamster-bamster

. . . that to be the first lesbian experience of a formerly straight girl is regarded as a special prize.

I've never heard of this.

Originally Posted by hamster-bamster

If you are currently completely free and if you at least some inclination, why not experiment?

Why not? Because gay women don't appreciate being used. No one does.

You'll find that the reputable dating sites don't allow women who identify as "bi-curious" for this very reason. We have feelings, too.

Originally Posted by doggiedo

How do you know if you are straight, gay or bisexual? I only ask because I'm in my thirties, female and have always been with guys. I was married right after graduate school and explored porn with my husband (who is now my ex), and I think female porn turns me on more than anything else.

I find women beautiful and am attracts to specific body parts. I am currently divorced and have been dating guys, and have never dated women. I don't picture myself with a woman as I get older, but I picture myself with a man, having a family, etc. I just think women's beautiful. I don't really get excited about the idea of dating women-it actually terrifies me! I just feel more comfortable with men.

So, am I gay since I masterbate to women? Or am I bi since I like men and women? But idk if I'd ever date a woman, so maybe it's just a physical attraction? I'm welcome to your suggestions as to what I am ? I'm just a little confused.

Hi doggiedo,

I can understand your feelings of confusion. It took me several years to come to the realisation that I was gay, after quite a few years of dating only males.

In order to try to work things out, I spoke to a variety of people - a gay male friend, a gay female friend of a friend who I emailed over quite a long time (she lived in a different part of the country), an LGBTI Helpline many times and my GP. I read as much about sexual orientation as I could, too. It was all so long ago, though - there would be much more information and more human resources available now that/who could help you.

After I finally acknowledged to myself that I was gay, I found a social group which I joined and the rest is history.

Try not to stress about it all too much. You'll work it out eventually.

With regard to people who identify as bisexual, from what I've read and friends of mine who identify as such, they don't express a need to have both male and female partners in their lives at the same time. Being bisexual just means that they are attracted to both males and females, but when in a relationship with someone they are monogamous and are very happy to remain so.

Bluey

[hamster-bamster]

Originally Posted by Bluey48

I've never heard of this.


Why not? Because gay women don't appreciate being used. No one does.

You'll find that the reputable dating sites don't allow women who identify as "bi-curious" for this very reason. We have feelings, too.

If you feel that having a relationship with a person who is bicurious amounts to being used and feeling used undermines you in some ways, you are certainly free to decline. Havinuch a relationship. You are an adult woman and can make your own decisions.