Guilt about masturbation

Bare with me if this is the wrong forum, and if so, please move it.

I'll say right now, this problem has dated back to probably since I was in High School, which would be six years ago. Obviously I've coped with it, but I'm just wondering why and how I can get this feeling to stop.

Pretty much I feel guilty after the fact of masturbating. When in the process, I don't mind at all, but afterwards like I said, I do, and in most cases makes me just not want to go out and do anything or enjoy fun things. It's like I punish myself for doing the act. I'll try and go weeks without doing it for a while, but then I have the urge and then...it happens.

How can I shake this sort of thing off? I do see a therapist, and I'm sure I could bring this up to him too...eventually, but I figured I'd talk about it here first.

I can't make you not feel guilty or ashamed but I can tell you that touching yourself in a way that brings big pleasure is about as natural and normal as it gets. It doesn't make god kill baby kittens, it doesn't make your face break out, and it doesn't make you gain weight. It doesn't cause any harm to anyone. What is there to feel bad about? I don't know how to tell you to intellectualize this information but that's pretty much what you need to do... it's about the only way to stop the guilt feelings.

Yeah, I understand all of that. I really do. But there has always been a part of me that always just wants to distance myself from others when I do the action. It's kind of irritating. I really wish I could change my mindset and view it the way others do because it really bothers me. It really sucks...

That's what I meant about intellectualizing it and how hard that is to do... I understand.
Were you taught that masturbation is wicked/sinful or is this something that you picked up on your own? Can you break it down into smaller pieces... like what is it about the act that causes the guilt?

Not at all. I was born a Catholic but never took religion serious for it to effect me there, nor was I raised for it to be really bad for me. I just picked it up on my own, I suppose. I guess what makes me feel guilt is...come to think about it; nothing is springing to my mind. Honestly. I guess I could say I'm not doing the actual act of sex and stuff, but it goes with what we were saying before about how it's a normal activity and that's something I do know...but my mind tells me something different - if that makes sense?

It's just weird because like I said, sometimes I'll want to distance myself. Like, sometimes when I do it I'll wait until the month is over with and "start fresh" and not do it anymore for a odd number of days until I have the urge. Sometimes I'll just not want to live my normal everyday life when I do it until like I said, the month is over with.

Hopefully I'm making sense, lol. It's just weird. I hate how my mind works like this. I just want to think normal. -_-

You're making sense. I don't understand where the guilt is coming from but I understand what you're saying. If you were spending hours out of each day and it was interfering with everyday life I could see a problem but...
I hope that therapist can help you sort it out. And you may be right... just having a conversation here may help. That part about the time of abstinence/penitence is kind of interesting. You have any thoughts about that?

About the abstinence/penitence part I guess I could about that is, I'd obviously prefer the real thing. And I can be patient, I'm not your typical guy who needs to go bang chicks. I've been in two serious relationships (one for three years; who I actually talked to about this problem before) and another one for 6 months. And I slept with another girl before as a fling. So it's not like I haven't done it before, you know?

I'm already talking to a therapist about a certain problem right now (you could view my past threads) and maybe part of that has interfered with my head in a small way - who knows? But I guess talking to him will help. It's just really difficult being in the situation I'm in and just not thinking things will get better at this point in time. I hate it, lol.

A few months ago, I attended a program at my Catholic church. One of the cooler priests said that when people ask for penance for masturbating, he now tells them that it's not a sin unless things like pornography or sexual deviation are involved. He said that masturbation for single people is not a sin and is much, much preferable to having sex outside of marriage.

Well I most certainly use pornography, but religion has no effect on that aspect for me.

Having an orgasm is a big release of energy, especially if you've waited days or weeks or months for release. Hence, the feeling of let down afterwards.

Your need is for companionship and it would help a lot if you could share your orgasms with someone who means a lot to you and vice versa. That takes some planning. Sounds like you need to do more socially and get experience sexuality and sensuality with someone else. Perhaps that's what your feeling of disappointment is - your innate need for love speaking to you saying that masturbation is not enough to meet your sexual needs.

I suggest your look into radical acceptance.

Since you cannot break it down intellectually as George was trying to suggest, just do "radical acceptance".

Both Buddhism and DBT which is partially based on Buddhism have a lot of literature on the topic. I am not well versed so I cannot offer links, but you will undoubtedly find a lot of information by simply searching the web. This site also has a chat room on DBT (I am not a member but I know it exists), so that would be another source of assistance in learning about Radical Acceptance.

This is probably outside the box but I have had guilt too for a long time about masturbation. Recently I found out I was sexually abused as a child and teenager and had been carrying the guilt that belongs to the abusers. Once I connected the dots I'm letting go of shame and guilt associated with sex/masturbation and enjoying it more. Food for thought.

It's not actually a core teaching in Buddhism, but a term coined by Tara Brach when she incorporated Buddhist teachings into her psychotherapy practice.

Tara Brach - The Power of Radical Acceptance: Healing Trauma

By practicing mindfulness, we can create a little breathing room between ourselves and the negative feelings affecting us and then properly deal with them.

Good advice there Hamster-Bamster!

Maybe you feel more guilty that you've once again "given in" to something you try not to do, rather than feeling guilty over the actual act? I know I am this way when I binge on food.

can be so, but if that is the case, it is an easily solvable problem - give yourself permission to masturbate, eat, etc.

I think too much masturbation is bad for you. Not for moral reasons but because you're draining yourself of energy which you could use in more productive ways.

I have experience sexuality. I dated a girl for 3 years and had sex all the time, same with my most recent ex. I have plenty. I think you might be onto something, unhappyguy, when you say I want to share it with someone. You could be right. I would most certainly love to share it with someone, but I can't right now, obviously. I think, transientsoul, you might be onto something too that I gave in. It's hard to stop because it obviously feels good, haha, but I just hate beating myself up over these things and not engaging in activities because of it sometimes.

Radical acceptance? I googled a little bit, but can someone give me a brief analysis what it does if I tried? I am intrigued...

I can relate a lot to what you're going through. When I first started masturbating I felt guilty about it afterwards, which was a result of my religious upbringing and thinking it was a sin. I would pray forgiveness after I did it then go a bit without doing it only to fall back into it. I thought I had an addiction. It wasn't until I got up the courage to tell my mom about it that I learned it was okay and I had nothing to be ashamed of and then I didn't feel guilty anymore.

I also through the years discovered that even though I don't believe those same beliefs as strongly as I once did, my spirituality still influence a lot of my line of thinking subconsciously and even my creative juices. Have you ruled out the possibility of your religious upbringing giving you subconscious guilt? It's probably not the case if you haven't felt guilt for premarital sex but I thought I'd ask anyway. I don't know a whole lot about Catholicism but from what little I do know they do seem to harp on masturbation a lot.

They do harp on it, but like I said, I'm not gong hoe about my religion in the first place, nor is my family or anything like that. We all pretty much went our separate ways when it came to that.

I think ATJC's suggestion was to look / dig deeper. Your OP talks about self-punishment. Catholicism has a lot of rhetoric about punishment and self-punishment which you could have absorbed when you were little, without any specific reference to masturbation, and then - not consciously though - applied to the act of masturbating when you became older. ATJC suggested that you look at "subconscious guilt" - simply not being Gung ho about religion now is not sufficient if there was some subconscious guilt planted in you many years ago.

Okay, well I appreciate all the help and the talks here folks. Like I said, it's become a never ending guilt thing for me so hopefully one day I'll get over it. I think I'll talk to my therapist about this eventually. Hope I've helped some of you!