[evildouble102]

I'm a 23 year old female and I live by myself. I have recently been kind of permiscuous...

I made plans with "Adam" to go on a date last night... I've been talking to him online and on the phone here and there.... but anyway we went to a movie last night and when we got back we were just talking and some music was playing and then things went from kissing and touching to that responsible talk of where things were going about protection and what not and led to the bedroom where we had sex. It was really my first time since being raped at 13 so it was a little scarry or well nervous but things went well and I guess what I'm wondering is there something wrong with me for doing this? Also my dad called and left a message because I wasn't home to answer the phone and he didn't know where I was and what not. When I told him he gave me the third degree which I think I handled pretty well; I answered some of his questions but I did lie to him when he asked if I was alone here at night. Is it bad that I lied to him? I did it because I didn't feel it was his business and just didn't want him to know every little thing about me or involving me. I do have somewhat of a dilemna, we have an agreement that he pays 100 dollars of my rent and in turn I help him with the family biz once in a while. Does this agreement imply that I need to tell him things even though I don't want to or something?

[seeker1950]

Hi, double...It concerns me that you say you had not engaged in sexual relations before this episode with the fella last evening, since you were raped at an early age! And you characterize this a "casual sex"...
First of all, at 23, you are an adult, and can do whatever you choose, without revealing every little thing to your father. At the same time, I'm concerned for your emotional welfare regarding this sexual encounter. Are you okay with how things transpired. I know in my own long experience, I tend to have anxiety over casual sexual encounters and can't do it..."been there, done that," only to reap hurtful rewards afterward.
Please take care of yourself.
Patty

[evildouble102]

Thankyou for your kind words. I think I'm ok with everything. The only thing that concerned me was when he took of the condom and tried to do without it which hey that's fine but told him he had to put one on becasue 1 I don't want kids, although I'm honestly not real worried with about that since I'm irregular in that department, Like it's been months since I've menstrated which is contributed to the meds or whatever; doc said it wasn't something to worry about...and 2 I don't want any std's or anything eventhough we had this discussion of using condoms anyway before hand and I know I have nothing; just there's no way of me knowing if he's telling the truth that he doesn't have anything, you know?

[seeker1950]

Well, yeah, sure, you're fine without STD's, but you have no idea about the fella...even if he says he's clean!
Also, I want to warn you, just because you haven't had a period does not mean you can't get pregnant! The fact that he wanted to take off the condom is not a good thing.....very irresponsible! I hope you didn't engage in contact without it!
You definitely don't want to contract any STD...and you definitely don't want to get pregnant. I suggest you refrain from contact with this fella...he doesn't sound responsible or respectful to you!
Patty

Hi.....

I think that it must have been a whole mixture of feelings if this is the first time that you have had sex after the rape... I can really identify with some of the feelings as my first time after rape was at 19... it had a pretty profound impact on me over all... so my advice is to go very slow in this "causual sex" thing.. allow yourself time to process some feelings that you may not even realize you are having...really, it can sneak up on you..

I am deeply, deeply concerned about a man that would attempt to have sex without a condom in a non-committed relationship. And you were sooooo right to not allow this to happen. Such fellows in my opinion are "jerks", or they would not do this...Men like this, well they do not deserve a second chance.... that was a very irresponsible thing that he did...

I say this out of caring for you...

please, for your health, mentally and physically......don't do Adam again......xoxox pat and get tested asap.

[Raynaadi]

I have never shared this before on PC or anywhere, and only a few people in my life know about this, including my boyfriend.

I was also a little promisuous in my early 20's. I lost my virginity at 21 and then when that relationship ended, I started having sex with a lot of my guy friends. I never did take a perfect stranger home, but I did sleep with guys I didn't know all that well.

I do have an STD now. Its not curable. It was the hardest thing I had to tell my boyfriend when we first started dating. I take medication for it, but we will always have to use a condom. We'd like to have a child down the road, and I often wonder how we're going to safely make that happen.

You can even get an STD just from oral sex.....thats how my doctor thinks I got mine. I have herpes type 1 which is the oral type, but its down below. Who knows how I contracted it. I always practiced safe sex when it came to intercourse, always used a condom. And I still got it.

HPV is also another STD that I haven't had, but had a close friend who did. Men carry it and usually don't show symptoms. HPV causes cervical cancer and can kill.

I wish now that I had been more careful back in the day, but I was young and crazy and living on my own and thought it was the thing to do. I'm grateful I didn't get HIV or Hepatitis.....but I did get a disease that will be with me until I die.

I can't believe I have finally shared this here. All these years at PC and I've never shared this. But if it can help one woman or man be extra careful with their sexual tendencies, so be it.

[Soidhonia]

Hello (((EVILDOUBLE))). I am going to try to be very understanding towards you in saying this(PLEASE do not get offended). I feel that since you are not menstruating(having a period) this is leading you into being irresponsibel towards your sexual relationships, since you feel that you are SAFE. In this day and age it is very unwise to feel safe from STDs and pregnancy. I feel that if you are not where you should be in thinking correctly you should get on birth control since you have the opportunuty to get pregnant or STDs. I would highly suggest seeing a gynecologist to see why you are not menstruating (having a period) at this time and concentrate on being a bit more responsible with your health and well being mentally in not having a child in an unexpectant or irresponsible manner with someone you hardly know. Getting on birth control may actually help to get your periods under control and stop you from having to worry about pregnancy. You are very young and you should enjoy your life and not have to be tied down to a child (by accident) when it can be prevented and you can have the life you want at this time. I feel that your father is only entitled to so much information in your life as well, it is up to you what to tell him about your relationships you are over 18 and you can choose directly what you feel is the best to tell him. Take care. I hope the best for you in your future. Soidhonia

[seeker1950]

Double...I've been thinkng about you, and I like what Raynaadi and Soidhonia had to say to you. Much like, Ray, I lost my virginity at 21 after being a "good girl" brought up in a strict Christian family. I went kind of wild after that, and looking back on it, often marvel that I'm still alive! I've had some very bad scrapes, with stalkers and users and players...Nothing is to be gained emotionally from "casual sex," and the risks of STD's and pregnancy aren't worth it!
Love yourself!
Patty

[evildouble102]

Thank you again, all for your support. I'm glad I'm not alone in this situation. I haven't heard from "Adam" since he left which after I listen to all of what you've all said I'm not sure I feel too bad about it. And honestly hope he just doesn't bother if that's the way he's going to be really. No one may approve of this; but, it feels good... I started talking to this guy last night in a chat and talked to him again today. He seems very intelligent and all. He was born in Syria and I told a friend about this and she said how they behead people like nothing and kill women like it's nothing. Is my friend just being ignorant? I think so but not sure. And I was kind of told it was bad news and how I should stay away and not get involved. I have different opinions than this guy but we talked for like 4 hours or something on everything. He said he wants to help me with dealing with my illnesses. He told me how he enjoys %#@&#! sex with women and wouldn't normally bother talking to someone who didn't let him do that but how there was something about me he liked and said he was happy talking to me; which I guess was nice to hear and I did enjoy talking to a guy who seemed genuine and who was intelligent and what not. I'd like to talk to him in person and he agrees with that; but, we both agree we really would like to be friends and if something eventually develops than so be it but not to push it and what not. Opinions and comments are welcome and appreciated. Thanks, Danielle

"He told me how he enjoys %#@&#! sex with women and wouldn't normally bother talking to someone who didn't let him do that but how there was something about me he liked and said he was happy talking to me; which I guess was nice to hear and I did enjoy talking to a guy who seemed genuine and who was intelligent"

Danielle, please re-read this..........if i typed this in here and asked for your opinion, what would it be? forget the beheading.........just what he said to you and he doesn't know you from "ADAM"...........

[(JD)]

I think you have shared what you really feel inside, with the rest of us here. You know you aren't comfortable doing this activity. You do seem to realize that your early trauma is connected to this. What you are doing isn't safe for you.

Please consult a therapist before you proceed any further. Your own health is at stake, imo, both physically and emotionally. Take care of you, first, ok?

Ohhhhhhhhh... from the pot into the fire... this is soooooooo much more "risky" than Adam... pleaseeeee "STOP" with this one... listen to the kind hearted people here... this one just from what you have said - not the way to go...

take your time with the casual sex thing... take some time to think, and keep yourself safe...

I care......
We had simliar experiences, rape at 13... it just brings all kinds of feelings .... slow down and deal with some of those feelings.. you will be so glad you did..

[evildouble102]

I agree with some of this.... I am very impulsive sometimes in different aspects of my life; not sure what category or diagnoses of mine it falls under; doesn't really matter I guess... Just need to think more but then sometimes thinking is bad too; cause it leads to worse things sometimes for me. I am soooo glad this forum is here; don't know where else besides with my T who I would really talk about these sort of issues with.

[nothemama8]

if you need gratification and don't want a STD think about a S Toy, please do not get offended, at least it won't infect or kill

[Maven]

That's a good idea notthemama has, although it can infect if you don't keep it clean (but you won't get an STD), so just keep it clean (many sex experts recommend using a condom on toys that are penis-shaped; makes the cleaning a lot easier), and you'll be fine!

[evildouble102]

I guess u have a point. Thanks for the suggestion; not sure how I feel about that; but, no STD's is def a plus. I've been very contemplative lately and was reflecting on my more recent habits and activities and was thinking maybe I could be manic or the sorts except for the issue of sleep seems normal getting 6-8 hours or close to that a night sometimes... anyone have an idea on the mania part? Thanks. Danielle

Danielle, we have a forum for mania. it's called Bi-Polar.........