Would this be considered as being unfair?

Over a year ago, I went to this local BDSM dungeon. I can't say I'm into all aspects of BDSM, but I do enjoy erotica, and so I wanted to explore my tastes in BDSM, since I have sexual feelings like many men do. I'm tired of watching porn and using escorts now, to be honest.

Last year, I found out a Spanish "sub girl" was visiting there, so I went to see her. Anyway, I was angry at my life in general, so I went on an adult forum and started rambling a lot of crap, venting like I always do. So this mistress (or dominatrix) in Glasgow who frequents these forums, ended up contacting the owner of this place in Edinburgh, giving her a warning about me, because I mentioned my legal issues and other stuff that bugs me, merely because I feel backed into a corner. She knew I had gone to that dungeon due to the fact I said so in one of my posts, before I asked for that account to be erased. At the time, I think I was commenting about maybe being overcharged. These women are sadists, by the way, so they hardly have room to talk. Just use your imagination.

I only seen this Spanish woman twice, but I thought she liked me. We had spoke about going for coffee together. Then because this tart informed the owner, I was blacklisted, I guess. The woman never seen me again and made up excuses. We never had coffee. She went back to Spain as well, but I know she still visits Scotland now and again, because she has a profile on Twitter. I've never done anything to deserve being treated this way. She told me in a message she cannot go against her boss.

Something similar occurred on a website called Meetup, which as the name suggests, is for people to meet others in social groups. But when I told the organizer of this horror related group that I had many issues, hoping she would understand, she blacklisted me. Honestly, I get treated like I'm some sex beast. This abuse that people have subjected me to has been going on in my life now for the better part of two decades, especially with trolls harassing me online. Since 2002 at least, I've been put through a heck of an ordeal. I've never even really had a real relationship with anybody, because my ex-girlfriend was never even interested in me as a person, and I don't look particularly attractive either, so I guess that rules out me finding true love. It just looks as if my charges are coming back to haunt me - everywhere. I'm never even that discreet about what I reveal, so it leads to me being identified so easily.

Well, I guess I better get used to solitude once I finally get my own flat, because I can see my mental health declining even further. I'm not even able to get any decent support any longer, because social services are just acting awkward about things, and I said I would fund my own support, but it would be too expensive to pay for it all the time.

It sounds like in both cases you revealed information about yourself that made others feel uncomfortable, and (I think) it is their right to refuse to see you as a client. I don't know much about your background or charges, but perhaps while you feel you have done nothing wrong, others feel as if boundaries have been crossed. If multiple people have reacted to you this way, it's time to start looking at yourself and what can be changed. Therapy might be very helpful to navigate appropriate self-disclosure.

Yes, I think it is fair for the manager to block you from the club. You must have said things that felt threatening. Who goes on an angry rant on an adult website, anyway? I assume everyone on there is flirting.

From the few posts I've read of yours, it sounds like you go on angry rants, open your mouth, and insert your foot a lot. Then you get blocked, banned and you are mad and don't understand why. It's because you have diarrhea of the mouth that goes into angry rants, that's why.

If you can stop doing that, you'll be better off.

I can see your point; I have been very frustrated for a long time. Many people I liked ended up ruining my life, so I've struggled to put it behind me and replace them with new people. There is not anybody who I feel listens to me when I talk, and that is why I choose to regularly spew on forums.

To tell you the truth, I have this truly awful anxiety, and so I really cannot sit still for very long when I am around a lot of people, even family. I've not been keen on using public transport for a long time. I'm particularly afraid of being in wide open spaces and busy environments like supermarkets, but I don't mind using buses if the streets are narrow, not high up, and not too crowded.

I've heard that people who experience panic attacks or repeated bouts of depression are more likely to develop agoraphobia and social anxiety, even without prior phobias being an issue. So while I've never been formally diagnosed with having agoraphobia, I think all the negativity in my life just got to be too severe, and I do think I have a collection of interconnected mental health disorders, like PTSD, besides PDD-NOS, which is supposed to be similar to autism. However, I'm only 31 years old, and so it's not healthy to go on about retirement plans, or distancing myself from the world. Although many people out there have purposefully hurt me, so it means I'm concerned it could happen again.

Also, the other day there, I was on other forums that are not moderated anymore. I'd never intentionally grass on someone to get them into trouble, but one guy from Latvia likes picking on me in my threads for admitting I pay to have sex with escorts, because apparently in his opinion, if a guy uses his benefits for sexual gratification, but he is unemployed, that is laziness. It's the loveforum.net forums and this guy seen a film I was in where there is a female photographer in an alley, and he asked me if I banged the woman afterwards. Jokes or not, that was actually pretty ignorant.

I used to run off at the mouth a LOT a lot a lot. To where people would see me and say, "i dont have time to talk right now" before i even said hi, so i finally got the hint. Now when people ask me whats new, i say, "nothing, how about you?" If they ask if i travel, i say, "no, how about you?"

I DO have SOME good friends i talk more normally with, but this is how it is for people i am not that close to. I just dont tell them all my business like u used to do.

Its hard when you have the show business bug, i could be "on" and making jokes and telling tales constantly, i feel.

It's like people have their own etiquette and rules.

So I have some questions if that's ok?
Was this a public dungeon? Were you with anyone?
You talked about this sub & talking to her. Is she an owned/unowned sub? Collared? Does she have a Mistress to answer to?

There's protocol rules in bdsm & many follow them differently. I guess it depends on your answers.

Well, I think BDSM often functions that way, where one serves their mistress and is loyal to her, but nobody should "own" another person. However, since this woman isn't my friend and we only met due to me going there, I guess anything outwith that could be a breach or maybe seen as a breach. Although you would think it would be up to an individual whether they wanted to see that person outside, but again, it's probably because I got a red mark from that other person being a blabbermouth, but who knows?

Ownership takes many forms within the community & I hate to say it but most don't understand the protocol. Just like you saying nobody should "own" another person. It sounds very self righteous.
Views like this usually give bdsm a bad name which is why we function below radar.

And I assume here, forgive me, but if you don't believe in "ownership" or the theory of it I'm wondering if you don't believe in words like "fiancé, wife, husband, life partner etc."

What I mean is, this place offers facilities, but it's not supposed to be like a prison where the person is owned and only gets to see people based on the discretion of who is in charge. That is just ridiculous. To cap it off, she's not even British, so it almost feels like it's equal to those pimps who rule over sex workers.

I think your painting this world you obviously are not well versed in, with very broad strokes.
If I go into a Catholic Church, bless myself, go to mass, take communion & bless myself on the way out....that doesn't make me a catholic.
But you seem to have all the answers & everyone is treating YOU badly. Are they really? Sounds about right from the vanilla world.

Sorry, I didn't understand a word of a what you said. I'm not religious and I don't go to church. My mate isn't a believer either; I get jokes from him about Jesus, not that they are funny, but the dude finds anything funny for some reason.

It sounds like you casually walked into a dungeon (by yourself?) using porn as your knowledge base.
I can't just walk into a church & call myself a catholic. That's the example I was making. You could substitute anything really.
You also use Mistress & Dominatrix in the same sentence.
They're NOT the same!

You call "these women" sadists. Wow, there's that broad brush I was talking about.
Then you call the woman a tart!

WTF!
Sorry I would've blacklisted you too.

Yeah. Whatever.

That's kind of the mentality I was expecting lol.
If you're interested in bdsm I suggest doing some serious research, reading & maybe a local munch to start.
Going to a dungeon is like diving into a pool & not knowing how to swim.

Cheers, mate.

I afraid Patagonia is correct here.
It sounds like you have walked into something you think you understand. But have only experienced through porn.
I have a really good link explaining they D/s relationship without going into it too
technically.
The Mistress of an establishment, online or otherwise is there to protect her clients, that's why you have found yourself blacklisted.
As you seem to have shown a profound mis understanding of the basic etiquette of the social circle you have entered.

As a 'collared' sub, I can assure you we see enough of your type of if you mis understanding to last lifetimes, but I am always willing to provide educational source material for those who seek to educate themselves.
For example just because I am a sub doesn't mean I am open to all and any sexual advances, nor does it mean I am there to take abuse from anyone who fancies a turn.
Every sub is as different as each Dom, and requires very specific and individual care.
And that by the way is the role of a Dom, to be responsible for the physical and emotional well being of his sub. Not to use as a lashing post for his own frustrations.
Perhaps you should assess your needs, what your looking for and what you expect.
If require short and concise intro into the relationship between a Dom and their sub I would be more than happy to provide a link.
Otherwise do take the time to investigate further if you feel so inclined.
All the best, take care.

"a Dom, to be responsible for the physical and emotional well being of his sub. Not to use as a lashing post for his own frustrations."

A Dom sounds great, better than a husband!

Lol, when you get it right, they often are.

To be honest, there's a woman I see for bum sex a lot who isn't anything like the monsters I've been meeting. I'm just going to stick to her. She's nice and texts me when she's available, isn't nasty, or a lying idiot, and those mistresses were slagging me off on Twitter, with the owner of the place calling me stuff like 'ham actor' and that was not cool. I'm not really keen on these type of women anyway. I'd rather meet one more there in the head.