Relationship problems due to "inexperience"

Okay, so, I'm 27 and have never had sex. When I was younger it wasn't an issue. I could tell guys that I was waiting for the right person and they accepted that. Now they ask me whats wrong with me. There must be "something wrong with me" if I'm still a virgin. They dump me the moment they find out, or occasionally, they look at me only as a conquest... luckily I can see that a mile away. Truth is, I've only been in one serious relationship and even though I loved him and was physically attracted to him, I didn't like it when he touched me in a sexual way, it brought back bad thoughts of something bad that happened to me as a child. I can't seem to get past that. Plus, I had just started college and I didn't want to risk pregnancy. We were talking about getting married after college so we both were comfortable with waiting until then. We went in different directions in life though and broke up.
I do also want to be with only the right guy but now I'm afraid no guy will give me a chance in the first place. Does anyone else here have this issue? Any other "overage virgins"? Especially ones who aren't this way because of religion. Seems every time I find someone who's still a virgin it is because they are super religious and although I am Jewish, I am far from Orthodox and am not sure I could be with someone so strict to any religion.

Wow, lots of people read this and not one response. I guess I really am alone in this...

I'm sorry you didn't get any responses....I've had that happen too and it always makes me feel like a freak. I was a virgin until I was 21 and I had some guys break up with me because I wasn't ready to have sex yet. When I did have sex, I went wild with it and it eventually became a way for me to get affection. It caused a lot of problems for me intimately later on.

When I got with the guy I'm with now, I told him we had to wait. I needed to be with him for a little while to know the relationship wasn't based on sex. He was totally willing to wait as long as I needed, and that was very important to me. It proved to me that he loved me for more than just sex. I'm glad I took that time.

Anyone who doesn't stay interested in your because you're not ready to sleep with them, isn't worth it anyway. Thats probably hard to say to yourself in the moemnt, but its true.....if they can't respect your boundries now, then how could the relationship work?

Its too bad that the one who was willing to wait went a different direction. I have no doubt that someone is out there who's right for you though, who will be willing to wait as long as you need, and who fulfills you in other areas. I didn't find "the one" until 6 months ago, and I'm 28....so sometimes it just comes later in life for some of us. I wish I hadn't had to go through all the sexual insecurity before I met him, but the past is the past.

It sounds like you're sticking to your guns, and thats really admirable, especially in this day and age.


Rayna

not sure this will help but i had sex at a young age and then it got carried away and had way to many partners that was teh bp in me but then I got into some relationships that were not good ones alot of abuse and crap that turned me off sex for a long long time I am now 40 been in the noway sex mood for about 10 yeras until recently met a man who I really love and he lovces me he waited till I was sure of myself before we did anything and its been a rollercoaster since there are still times I just can't handle the thought of sex due to thepast creeping up. But you are not alone out there i am sure of that. and saving yourself is something I wish I would have done way back then I have to give you a thumbs up for sticking with your decision. and remeber you will find mr right one day and when you do it will be ok..

Thanks, guys... and to Rayna - I just noticed your countdown. Good for you!!! Though I've never had a substance addiction I have known too many people who have and I've seen how hard it is. Thumbs up to you!!!

Thank you!!!!

Lizard,

What is the difference between waiting for Mr. Right at 20 and waiting at 27? I cannot believe (although why this should surprise me I do not know) that men would be so idiot as to ask you "what's wrong with you?". I think its wonderful that you respect yourself enough to wait until you feel comfortable. Sex just to get it over with would be horrible.

The question you have to ask yourself is do you think there's something wrong with you? If there's a reason that intimacy frightens you or repulses you, then by all means find a professional to help you through those issues. If the anwer to the question is no, there is nothing wrong with me I just have not found the right person, relax. Prince Charming's horse might be in the shop. He'll come around, just make sure you keep tossing the frogs over. Do not settle.

You asked for input from "overaged virgins", I'll bet you'd get a string of responses if you asked how many of you women out there had sex before it was right and wished they had not and could reset the clock.