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#1
Nov 10, 2008, 11:57 AM
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Anyone here into BDSM? I don't have much experience but the experience I do have is very nice. I'd like to explore it more. It's been on my mind for a while now. Im just curious is there some type of psychological meaning behind ppl who engage in BDSM? I'm just wondering what ur thoughts were on this?
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"Kids in the dark cause accidents, accidents in the dark cause kids." |
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#2
Nov 10, 2008, 02:07 PM
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 trashking
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#3
Nov 11, 2008, 09:38 PM
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A lot of fetishes seem to be about control in one way or another. It could have roots in something unpleasant that happened to you, or it might be linked to something totally benign. If it were causing you psychological distress, a sympathetic therapist or psychiatrist could help you sort it out.
My personal opinion is that exploring BDSM could be a healthy and enlightening journey for you. Just play safe...there's quite a fetish community out there, and folks can tell you how to explore your desires without hurting yourself or someone else. |
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#4
Nov 12, 2008, 01:30 PM
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#5
Nov 17, 2008, 05:50 PM
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OP, I am. I've been submissive since I first discovered my sexuality (age 8), so it's perfectly natural for me. I hadn't experienced anything traumatizing or uncomfortable at that age - I feel as if I was born this way.
And I don't agree with the psychological stigmas around it. I'm a pretty dominant person by nature, and thats why I enjoy being dominated in bed - and the same goes for a lot of BDSM / D/S people. And yeah, there are healthy ways to explore it and there are unhealthy ways. We have two mottos: SSC = Safe, sane and consensual RACK = Risk-Aware Consensual Kink We use safewords, for example "red" means full stop and "pink" means "it's a bit too painful/I don't like it/Please don't do that" - or whatever safewords you want. It's roleplay, though some people live in 24/7 D/S relationships - that's a bit too much for me. A lot people who are coming out of the BDSM-closet late in life feel guilty, abnormal, ashamed etc - similar to homosexuals who discover their preference late in life. And BDSM is still on the list of mental disorders and parafilias - which homosexuality was removed from years ago. There are different reasons for why someone enjoys BDSM, and I can say - if it's because of traumas, or a way to vent anger, or a way to punish yourself - you need psychiatric help, cos that's not healthy. Feel free to PM me about this. There are lots of forums out there for people who are intrigued by it. |
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#6
Nov 17, 2008, 07:51 PM
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I'm the same way, I'm dominant in the real world but submissive in the bed room. This weekend was amazing. BDSM was definately in play this weekend. I love it! YEAH it still is in the DSM under mental illness... why? what's it called sexual masochism or something... ?? Id like to know about these forums you use?
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"Kids in the dark cause accidents, accidents in the dark cause kids." |
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#7
Nov 20, 2008, 07:08 PM
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I do not enjoy being piled up with pedophiliacs.. AT ALL.
Yeah, sexual masochism and sadism, that's what it's called. Lordie. Y'gotta love how religious morals decide if the consensual activities we engage in behind closed doors make us insane or not. I also know people who have lost their jobs because they're into BDSM. -.- Gtfo my bedroom, thank you. The forums I use are Norwegian, I usually stay away from the international ones cos they're flooded with creeps. =/ "hi slut" this "you need a spanking" that. I could use some bondage by now. 
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#8
Nov 22, 2008, 03:01 PM
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I used to practice BDSM (in a past relationship). I was always fascinated by issues of control (though I preferred to be the one controlled). I've never experienced abuse or trauma and have no ill will toward the opposite (or toward my own) gender. I just became fascinated by power and control in interpersonal relationships. We're surrounded by it -- even in the little things in life, the way someone's afraid to "talk back" to their boss, the way someone's charisma is so compelling that you find you've done what they asked before you realized you consented, etc. For me, there was always a sexual aspect to that. My exploration of that was a fascinating experience -- only ended because the relationship ended. My only advice would be to be safe (as others have suggested) and to avoid having BDSM become the only form of sexuality within a relationship -- you need to be able to have a sexual relationship with your partner that doesn't always involve roleplaying. I think roleplaying can sometimes hinder intimacy, and that was a problem I occasionally had.
Sidony |
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#9
Nov 22, 2008, 04:12 PM
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I love ice cream,,especially the high fat kind...My GrandMother made it on the farm and used the upper layer of cream on the cream after homonogizing..Mine as well been butter..
 I go to a high faluting ice cream shop nearby for a treat now and then... I stand in line and cock my head at what folks will do to great ice cream...a little of this,,a little of that,,some of that..more of this...When they leave it takes twenty minutes to get to the ice cream.. But different strokes for different folks,,I'm sure they sell a lot of extras...  Me,,I like a wonderfully cream vanella,,real vanella beans and just beginning to soften...and on days when I feel I deserve a real treat...Black Rasberry....  But then,,maybe I'm a boring guy..I like real..genuine,, in whatever it may be. Honesty is the key and maturity... in and from all parties.. IMHO. Lenny
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I have only one conclusion,,and that is things change too quickly for me to draw them.... Sobriety date...Halloween 1989. I was plucked from hell...and treat this gift as if it is the only one... |
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#10
Nov 22, 2008, 09:46 PM
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Lenny, that's great! Kuddos!
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#11
Dec 07, 2008, 10:56 PM
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having said so many wonderful things about the lifestyle, it's also EXTREMELY important to stay safe. there are TONS and TONS of people in the lifestyle who don't have a clue what they are doing. this can cause SEVERE physical and emotional pain!!!! be careful. join a local group. go to a local munch. search BDSM resources online...not just porn!! educate yourself. best of luck to you! |
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#12
Dec 10, 2008, 06:59 PM
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If it helps - sadism and masochism are only diagnosed as disorders by the DSM-IV TR (2000) if, "The fantasies, sexual urges, or behaviors cause clinically significant distress or impairment in social, occupational, or other important areas of functioning." So, if everyone is consenting, and enjoying themselves - there is no disorder.
My caution is always to trauma survivors - don't engage in this unless you've talked to a therapist first to figure out if it's emotionally safe for you. Take care, Slippers |
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#13
Dec 10, 2008, 10:59 PM
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but, black rasberry... i dunno sounds like you have a wild streak in there hiding.... IMHO...no vanilla relationship can hold a candle to a bdsm relationship in terms of honesty & maturity. and you will find no more genuine people than those committed to the lifestyle. (lost of perverts hid out in the BDSM barrel too...but that can be said in the vanilla carton as well!) and wait for it....this comment comes from a devout Christian! *shocks and gasps!* 
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#14
Dec 10, 2008, 11:32 PM
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i have been in the lifestyle for little more than a year. i am an adult little girl. i've seen the evil in the lifestyle and the pure love.
my advice to you - especially if you are looking at yourself as a submissive - is to do research. lots and lots and lots and lots and lots and lots of research. do NOT go straight into the BDSM dating sites... you can and will get hurt. be very leery of people. keep yourself safe! never ever ever meet someone without letting a good friend know who you are meeting, where, when, etc. and have a safe call. use safe words!!! as mentioned before "RED" is universal meaning stop! know what your limits are. i once - naively said during a chat that i didn't have limits (i mean what could possibly be done during a chat, right?!) i started writing what was said but i can't.... just suffice it to say - it hurt. you must know what your limits are. and before people jump up and down and say "see. see. how sick and twisted BDSM is!! In 2006, there were 272,350 victims of sexual assault. and someone is raped ever 2 minutes. they aren't all bdsm folks! there are sicko's in the vanilla world too. STAY SAFE! having said that...my very two BEST friends in the world i met through the lifestyle!! they taught me how to accept love and to trust. it is a wonderful lifestyle, in which communication is not just nice - it is expected and essential! check out fetlife it's kind of like a myspace for kinky people. it's very active and there are groups to join and ask lots and lots of questions. you can meet others who feel the same way you do. also check out leathernroses.com and bdsm-resources.com (just two i can think of) there was one called castle realm but i don't think it exists anymore. for info. stay safe
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#15
Dec 10, 2008, 11:35 PM
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 did i mention i'm a tad bit crazy too 
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#16
Dec 11, 2008, 01:27 AM
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Thanks sadly me for your posts. They were very helpful. I'll check those sites when I have a little more time, now I have to go to bed cuz I have a 8 am class tomorrow and need my beauty sleep. I did manage to get an e-mail from a lady about a BDSM in group in Des Moines (where I'm from). I still need to contact her about play parties and such... ahhhh too many things to do and finals are next week... *overwhelmed.*
Anyway, thanks again!
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"Kids in the dark cause accidents, accidents in the dark cause kids." |
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#17
Dec 12, 2008, 01:23 AM
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I'm wondering why some choose to refer to this as a "lifestyle?"
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#18
Dec 12, 2008, 03:43 PM
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#19
Dec 12, 2008, 10:01 PM
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def only do it with ppl u feel safe with.
espec if ur been in abuse situations before.. (speakin from exp) |
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#20
Dec 12, 2008, 11:11 PM
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yer right bunnies!! only with people who play safely!!!!
always have to be careful
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#21
Dec 13, 2008, 09:31 AM
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all ill say is, be careful. it requires alot of trust (tom must trust me :P) but yeh, you need to trust that you can be safe with them.
also, like with tom, there are things i cant do. i would never humiliate tom as a part of BDSM because i dont think it would do him any good. some people have the RIGHT mindset to do things and some people have the wrong one. i believe some are masochists because they believe theyre bad or crap or not a good person. this is apposed to enjoying being disciplined, and this would be a worry. so yep. play around, but play safe. communication is vital. you need to make sure both of you are comfy with it, and safety words or gestures are vital. especially with people like me (even with 'normal' sexual behavior) seeing as some people find it hard to say no or stop. 
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i miss you...  'cuz the drugs dont work, they just make you worse, but i, know ill see your face again...' 'welcome friends. i am potato.' 
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#22
Dec 16, 2008, 04:39 AM
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I don't know how i feel about it. If I love some one how could I bet them, It really is a weird thought. It is like oh baby I love you let me black and bluue . Oh yeah hear is a matching black eye.
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Greg77733 |
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#23
Dec 19, 2008, 07:18 PM
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I've been wanting to get my husband to just tie me up or blindfold me, that's it. I have "hinted" at it but never really asked him. One of these days...maybe I will. I wish he would just take more control sexually anyway, I kinda get sick of being the one who is always in control.
And I wanted to re-iterate what someone said - the part about S&M in the DSM-IV is only if it is NOT consensual, basically. Like S&M style rape. |
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#24
Jan 25, 2009, 08:50 PM
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i know this thread is a bit old but i was wondering if anyone had any links to any psychological theories or studies on the topic of bdsm and why people are into it?
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#25
Feb 04, 2009, 09:45 PM
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I did try to find some links for you but nothing came up sorry biiv. But I just wanted to put my own 2cents into this thread.
BDSM when done with a loving partner can be extremely eye oppening. For me there are two main things I believe there must be between the two partakers, that is trust, and communication. It takes tremedous amount of trust to be willing to put your life and body in someone hands. Of course if you have taken all the safety precautions it will not be about life and death, and I sure hope no one puts them selves in that situation. But imagine the amount of discussing and openess you have to display about the act within a relationship, what you don't want to do, what you would like to try, what would be too much, what is too little. Trust is displayed, the trust to hand over your experience to that person. Some people find it hard to even display what they feel another is doing wrong in bed under any circumstance, this experience teaches you you HAVE to tell someone, you can't get what you want without telling someone that you want it when the experience is between you and them. BDSM if both parties are willing can be a great way to open up, become close share something, and talk! Make communication, have trust, what I'm sure any relationship needs to survive. That being said, I feel personally, and I'm sure some will agree, you can't get the same things out of using BDSM with multiple partners as you can within a secure loving relationship. I don't think also that using BDSM every time you engage in a sexual act is that healthy. It is probably a tad unhealthy if it is the only way you can experience sexual pleasure, plus I find it is more a mental exercise of trust, communication, and intimacy, where as I find sex in general to be more physically intimate as well as mentally, as you can let go a bit more without fear of hurting, or going to far with a person. But that is all in reference to BDSM being part of a sex life, not a lifestyle, I have no experience or knowledge on the lifestyle side of it so it isn't my place to comment. Lol an essay...sorry about that, but I felt I needed to say it |
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