Internalizer vs Externalizer

I don't know which forum this belongs in, so I'll try here. I'm reposting this question from another forum I belong to. I thought it was a VERY good question:

I could not choose I do not think others are bad nor do I think I am bad and or to blame..its too general for me..I do know some people that I see as trash but that is rare..and trash would be the word for them...so I did choose that word

I think a lot of depressed people feel both, though they're much more aware of the first choice.

This is interesting - not many people have answered this poll, but all who have chose "internalizer".

This reminds me of something that I have suspected about my other support group for partners of depressed people. Most of them blame depression for their partner's bad behavior (infidelity, emotional abuse, breakups, etc) and it rarely sounds consistent with my husband's experience and what I've learned from talking to my friends here at PC. Most of them say that their depressed partners blame them or the world for their problems, and that doesn't sound too much like the depression I know.

I'm not drawing any conclusions now or probably ever about this, and it wasn't the reason I posted this poll, but I do find the contrast to be very interesting.

Had to choose both cuz some days I'm one other days I'm the other, also I don't think ppl are bad just expessing there emotions of how there seeing the world, hopefully I'm making sense
Angie

I picked internalizer because that's always the way I have seen it, and it's still what I relate to. However, T has informed me that I actually externalize more. When talking to her at least I tend to complain about other people a lot. Since she pointed that out, I have been trying (mostly unsuccessfully) to shift it the other direction. I'd rather think that I direct my destructiveness toward myself, because self-destruction seems acceptable to me. I can't deal with the idea that I might be hurting other people, and it seems really irresponsible to be blaming others for my problems, but I apparently do.

Maybe I could not choose because I do not have a clinical depression..I just do not see it as either they both seem so extream and black and white to me

One theory of depression says that depressed people tend to be very negative about themselves, the world, and the future. So it's basically: I suck, you suck, and the future sucks. I can relate to this idea on certain days.

Oh Ben yes I totally understand the theory and question it's just I do not fit any of the above...I do think on moments..I suck...life sucks...they suck but its moments within a day of the month...

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JustBen said:
One theory of depression says that depressed people tend to be very negative about themselves, the world, and the future. So it's basically: I suck, you suck, and the future sucks. I can relate to this idea on certain days.

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To b perfectly honest, I fall into both categories. I tend to blame myself and others at the same time, although there are other times when I just beat up on myself or lash out at other people. Usually, though, I do both at once.

I picked internalizer because I used to think that I was unworthy of continued existence. Now, I just think that I am a bad employee--I make mistakes. Imagine that. But, after reading the other postings. I found myself thinking of a particular day where I had the most odd running insult the costumers thing going. I was just insulting everyone of them in my mind and at the same time wondering why the blazes was I doing that. It was weird if you ask me. Is that part of depression? I didn't know what the blazes it was. I just thought it was annoying. I mean I am usually pretty accepting of people. I don't think I have ever done such an odd running insult everyone that I meet like that before. I suppose it could be connected to my current Dx. I don't think I have done it sense. So, I think I should probably pick both. I just had never had that pointed out to me. Good posting!

Definitely an internalizer. My life sucks because I'm a horrible person, have treated others badly when at my lowest, and karma's out to get me now.

Or does karma know when your actions are based on illness and doesn't take that into consideration? I don't know.

Anyway, I think I'm uninteresting, unintelligent, and don't know how to say the right things at the right times. My house is chronically a mess and the chaos meter is always above a 5. My sympathy chip has been fried. When something bad happens to someone else or they're having a hard time, I want to be able to help, but I can't seem to be able to show it in words or actions. So why would anyone want to be around me? blah blah blah I'll never have any RL friends, I'm doomed to loneliness, yada yada yada

omg - Wi_fighter - you have so much negative self-talk going on, and ALL of it could not be further from the truth! You are a terrific friend

Hi folks,

The internal/external thing is an example of black and white thinking in my view.

If we think that problems are always other people's fault, or always our own fault, then we can't get any kind of image of ourselves.

Also these extremes are usually 'stuck' places, with the person not able to accept some responsibility or let some responsibility go. They are definite candidates for therapy in my view, although few externalisers would seek therapy I suspect.

One of the most grotesque things to see is an externaliser and an internaliser in a relationship. Shudder!

Yes, definitely something to avoid.

Cheers, M

good points, myzen imo... but wouldn't any combo be a shudder? since either one is not the best way to be... if ppl are either one or the other... what kind of relationship can exist?

TC y'all.

I guess the best way, in the ideal world, is to stop trying to pin blame altogether. Easier said than done, though.

I saw a really good Tao quote about this. I don't recall exactly how it goes, but it's something like:

"If you blame others, then there is no end to the blame."

It would make sense to extend that to ourselves, as well. Blame is, in my opinion, getting stuck in dwelling on the past. If we stick to the present (what can we do NOW to fix the problem) and future (working toward how we want things to be), then blame shouldn't enter into the equation much, except as a lesson learned.

Onward and upward!

I choose Internalizer...although perhaps at times it comes out externally it is rare.
Usually I feel in the way and like a burden.
I just wish I could stop the depression and the dark thoughts and be NORMAL.
I was out to dinner tonight and this one table of about 8 people...well they were so happy and bubbling and just enjoying life. I felt jealous!

sj,

You have my sympathy on that one. Dr Wayne Dyer talks about not being jealous of others and being satisfied with what we have, but who would be satisfied with dark thoughts? Nobody wants them.

I get loads of dark thoughts, and I have to put them to one side throughout the day. However, in intimate conversations with people I seem to easily attract, I find that lots of folks struggle with this kind of stuff, even if they don't have a diagnosis for it.

We are not alone, and at least we know what we are dealing with.

Good (not dark) thoughts,

M