Intimidated by starting over, but I need to do it!

I am so sick of feeling like life is unfulfilling and that I've wasted my first (almost) twenty-three years on Earth. There are so many things I want to do, but, when I start thinking about all the changes I want to make, I get overwhelmed and panicky.

I have physical and mental health issues, as well as unresolved grief, that won't go away without treatment. I need to get over my phobia of driving and get a job that I love doing (currently unemployed due to those untreated physical health problems) and can't wait to go to every day.

I'd like to expand my musical tastes. I want to pursue my love of singing, writing, and reading more seriously, as well as start drawing again.

I'd love to do some volunteer work, and I'm looking to adopt another dog.

I also want to learn some new skills and possibly take up a new hobby or two. Maybe I'll take a few more college courses or get a degree in something--not sure what yet.

Most of all, though, I want to experience life instead of feeling like a failure who lets life pass her by. I've already incorporated a few changes, like starting to work on a novel I've had in mind for months and spending more time outside, but I still have a long way to go. It's so hard for me to take one little step at a time, because I'm not a patient person, but I know that I have to start somewhere because it will be worth it in the end.

I wish you much encouragement for taking positive steps to feel more fulfilled about your life. Don't try do to much at once though. Just take small steps even if you feel impatient.

I have taken many postive steps in trying to get over my distorted and destroyed self image over the last year but I also realized that trying to do too much at once was causing me more anxiety than what it was worth. That feeling of being overwhelmed and panicky is quite understandable. So I take it day by day now. And if that song I just learnt to sing in French isn't quite finished by the end of the day, I tell myself it is ok!
I do not drive either. It took me 15 years to understand my phobia and to allow myself to not feel guilty for it.

You have some wonderful goals set. Perhaps a good place to start would be to get the treatment you need for that unresolved grief.

I wish you much strength and peace of mind!

Thanks for the encouragement, Sabrina. Taking things day by day can be hard in some ways, but it's certainly a lot less overwhelming than shocking your system with a lot of change at once!

I'm in the process of looking for the right therapist. My only experience with counselors up to this point has been seeing the school counselor when I was a little girl, so I'm both nervous and hopeful.

I think you are doing good to be considering all this! Maybe use index cards ( or if you are totally computer, a listing) with all the goals you can think of right now, and add to them as you think of more. Also, when you accomplish a goal, write the date you did that, on the card.

Small goals, big ones... it's good to reevaluate your life and it's good to see what things you accomplish... sometimes we forget!

I think finding a T that works with you is a huge, wonderful, goal!

Thanks, _Sky! The idea of having a list and checking off the things I accomplish is a great one, because it will give me more incentive to keep going.

Don't forget the little things

It "shouldn't have been a big deal" but it is: I bought and changed (with help of a stranger) but I got it done.. one of my headlamps that was out on my car. (Not a big light like they used to be, needing adjustment and all that, just a twist and plug in...but still...!)

huh???????What ?????

I can totally relate to you on many of the things you have mentioned. I had a car accident at the age of 17 and developed a terrible phobia that lasted 15 years. When my husband left me, he threw many things in my face that he said I would never do (but I insisted I would some day). Those being: driving, getting a part-time job, going back to school and going to the gym. Well, I showed him (and myself) and proceeded to do every one of those things on his list. The driving one was the biggest hurdle. Even when I was making the phone call to the driving school, I was almost sick to my stomach and every lesson brought trips to the bathroom! BUT! I did it. I asked for an instructor who would understand my fear and phobia and they gave me the perfect person. He was laid back and very patient with me and I've now been driving for over 10 years.

I'm going through my own stuff right now and need to work on my self-esteem (which has been almost destroyed by bad relationships) but remembering what I HAVE done in the past, proves that I can gain my esteem back again.

You have many things on your list and you are young. You can do it! It just takes time and patience with yourself. Don't be too hard on you and take baby steps. Take it from someone who has been there.

Thank you so much for your post. I honestly can't remember having a traumatic experience that led to my driving phobia (although my mother was also driving-phobic), although I suspect it's related to the same problems I had on horseback: Fear of losing control and suffering terrible consequences as a result.

However, reading your reply really fills me with a lot of hope. When I see other people overcome their phobias, it makes me realize that I'm not the only person in the world who has this issue (sounds silly, probably, but sometimes I do feel that way!), and there's no reason I can't get over that fear, since others have!

I'm so glad to hear that you have hope! I know you can do it! Keep us posted on your progress!

Best Wishes...