I'm wondering if anyone of you have a high self esteem?

How to you think or what do you do to at least gain a bit of self esteem?

Thank you!

i wouldn't say i have high self esteem but i think i have good self esteem.....although i still have those days when i don't think a whole lot of myself....lol.....but i think what has helped my self esteem is that i've accomplished alot professionally, i try to keep myself looking my best, i do things every day to help someone else or make someone smile....and i continue to strive to be better....

[Rapunzel]

I wish that I knew what high self-esteem was like, but I don't. Anyway, I have just been wanting to tell you that I really love that picture in your signature. It's beautiful.

Maybe we just need to learn to accept ourselves for who we are, even though we are human.

Rap

[(JD)]

Only in a few areas. Is that possible? I have self confidence regarding a few things that I do, but not with everything. I'm rebuilding self esteem through therapy. Doing my best is enough, and the very best I do at one time might not be the level of my best the next. Learning to be comfortable with that is important to my self esteem.

Good question! (and I, too, love your yin-yang)

[Sabrina]

My husband has an exceptionally high self-esteem. Unfortunately, for me it seems more like arrogance sometimes. Having said that, I have battled to learn by his example - if that makes sense.

Thank you very much for your replies.

I think that I am very demanding of myself and maybe this doesn't help me. Negative words that are said to me doesn't help me either. I don't have self esteem at all.

The yinyang in my signature is almost same as my tatoo. The colors in my tatoo is more bright though, and the design is not quite the same but it is the day and night. I wanted to put something in my signature that would represent who I am so there. Thank you!

[lenjan]

I would say my self-esteem is good most days. It took years and years of therapy to get me to that point. It will never be high, because I still doubt myself too much and am still somewhat susceptible to believing negative things about myself. But after a LOT LOT LOT of work, most days I am able to assure myself I am a likeable person who tries to live a good life and help other people.

I have had a lot of people who believed in me and kept telling me so till I started believing in myself. That helps too.

Candy

Thank you for your reply sweetie!

Ok so let me see :


i've accomplished alot professionally

i try to keep myself looking my best

i do things every day to help someone else or make someone smile

i continue to strive to be better

accept ourselves for who we are

I'm rebuilding self esteem through therapy

Doing my best is enough

the very best I do at one time might not be the level of my best the next

to learn by his example (My husband has an exceptionally high self-esteem)

I am able to assure myself I am a likeable person who tries to live a good life and help other people

I have had a lot of people who believed in me and kept telling me so till I started believing in myself



There is a lot of examples here that I can follow and I thank each and everyone for sharing. I appreciate it!

Thank you!

[(JD)]

Good thread, (((time0)))

[LMo]

I have really high self-esteem, but like Sabrina's husband, I worry if it comes across as arrogance. I hope not. I think my self-esteem is directly tied to accomplishment and productivity. I am normally a high achiever and very motivated, but the downside of that is that my standards for accomplishment are pretty high, not really allowing me to have an off-day even when objectively I need one.

Thank you Sky and LMo!

" my self-esteem is directly tied to accomplishment and productivity "

This another way to up self-esteem. Thank you for sharing.

[LMo]

" my self-esteem is directly tied to accomplishment and productivity "

Yeah, but this is actually to my detriment. I don't "be" well. I have to always make progress. My T is working on me to change that. Your tips are way better than my method.

Time0 - you're very cool for starting this thread, btw...

Well sweetie, I don't have any self esteem at all so if this thread can help me and also can help others here it would be just great.

When you wrote this:

my self-esteem is directly tied to accomplishment and productivity "

It's the word " directly " that have puzzle me a bit. If it's only in your work that you gain self esteem, pushing youself always and always, maybe there is a reason why you do this. I mean like a "hidden reason" that maybe yourself are not aware off.

But looks who is talking here! lol

Thank you!

[Rapunzel]

That's an interesting observation, time0. I have low self-esteem and I'm a high achiever (now anyway) and I know that I'm using that to try to make up for feeling like I have always been a failure. But I'm also stuck in a pattern where I sabotage myself, and knock what I accomplish. For example, I'm in a position where I would likely have gotten a career position at work but now I really doubt that I will because I went to the director and pointed out that I probably won't stay after I finish my master's program. I also discredit the work that I do because I'm just an hourly non-contract employee, and I'm not worth a contract and benefits, etc. And I discredit myself in school even though I'm a graduate student and have had straight A's since starting to take classes again 2 1/2 years ago. I tell myself that the classes aren't really hard, and the teachers probably go easy on me for some reason, and I'm still a failure because I didn't get into the doctoral programs that I applied to. I won't really let anybody appreciate my accomplishments or overachieving, because I don't appreciate it. It's not proving anything to me so I'll just push harder and still find a way to discredit it.

LMo, do you accept what you accomplish? Do you push harder in one area to make up for a deficit in another? (I do - I don't think I'm any good at relationships, particularly at home).

Time0, do you give yourself credit for the things that you do well? I would be willing to bet that you have things that you are good at, as well as things that you would like to be better at. When we guage our self-esteem on our accomplishments maybe some of us tend to focus on the areas where we think we need improvement. And maybe it would be more genuine if we could base our self-worth on who we are rather than on what we do anyway.

Rap

[Hopefull]

I try to use positive affirmations. I try to remember when someone complements me to accept it and try not to minimize it away. This is a hard one. My positive thinking side battles with my negative thinking side constantly. But, my positive thinking side is not working very well. So, I ended up writing down my positive characteristics. If you can't think of any, ask a friend, family member or T to help you write a list. I read it sometimes before work. I am trying to convince my brain of these things. I have also read that setting reasonable (acheivable) short-term goals and meeting them helps. I don't tend to do this one. I think I only think in the area of longer term goals. I have also read that just taking care of yourself helps. By this, I mean have some fun/take a break now and again. I have been trying to do ten minutes of fun a day. I have to get creative and count sitting outside and eating my lunch as one on some days. I also try to pretend that I am my friend and try to mentally respond to my negative self-talk as a friend or my T would. But, stress in my life has pretty badly knocked my internal T off-line. So, don't think I am doing all of this. I am trying to bring my internal T back into full function. But, I seem to need someone else to do some of the positive thinking for me. I hope to get it back on-line soon. I suspect it may be a while though due to major changes at work.

" Time0, do you give yourself credit for the things that you do well? "

Lol No I don't.

Ok Lets see, I will give you some exemples of what I do. If people tells me the super is great and I'm a good cook, I will reply: I'm not a good cook, it's the ingredients that I have put in it that is good. Or, I didn't cook it, the stove did."

Some people will say I'm smart because I'm bilingual and I will reply: " I'm not smart I was just lucky to have lived in different places with different languages."

Some people will say I'm intelligent because I learn fast and I will reply: " I'm not intelligent, it's just some people needs to see and touch to learn, I just need to listen and I can visualise the rest in my mind. It's just something I do, that's all."

You see I can't find anything positive in myself to bring up my self-esteem because I can't accept that I'm good at something. A long time ago something happened in my life that has affected me very badly and since then, I never could accept that I'm good at something because I can't get over what has happened. I can't accept that I could be better then this person who I would have given my life for.

Thank you (((((((Rapunzel)))))))))))

Here is some more helpful ideas:

taking care of yourself helps. By this, I mean have some fun/take a break now and again

I try to use positive affirmations.

I try to remember when someone complements me to accept it and try not to minimize it away

writing down my positive characteristics

I also try to pretend that I am my friend and try to mentally respond to my negative self-talk as a friend

Thank you ((((((((((Hopefull)))))))))))

[Christina86]

I can't believe I didn't see this thread!

Right now in a Women's Issues group that I'm a part of we're looking at self-esteem.

And I've come to the remarkable conclusion, what I think of myself isn't at all good for my self-esteem. Therefore, mine is essentially nonexsistant.

Anyways, thanks for this thread (and now that I've actually seen/read it) I'll be watching it with interest to see what other people have to say.

[Rapunzel]

Good awareness there. It's not always easy to go from awareness to putting it in place and giving yourself credit. Will you be able to start to do that from here?

And I'm curious, what's your second language?

(((((((((((big hugs))))))))))))))
Rap

Yes, this could turn into a very good thread to help each other. People here are just great and I appreciate every reply.

((((((((Canders)))))))))))

I am aware of what I do wrong but I don't know if I will be able to stop destroying each compliment people gives to me or put in pieces my achievements.

My first language is french. English is my second.

Thank you!

[(JD)]

Keep thinking positively (((Time0))) Tell yourself that you will be able to accept compliments, that you are working on accepting compliments.

Maybe by realizing that when you diss a compliment, you are also negating the other person's caring for you, intelligence or whatever! If you believe them when they compliment another person, you can believe them for yourself too

You're doing better, I can tell! Realization is the first good step!

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Thank you! ((((((((((Sky))))))))))))

There is time that I hate myself so much that if someone would tell me that I will die the next second, I would reply thank you. But, I have 3 children that love me. So I'm fighting very hard to not hate myself so much, if only for them. For me, it is not a "need" to love myself but only to hate myself just a bit less so that I can keep on going.

When someone sees something that they think I do well and they say it to me, I can feel that I did do something well but the thing is " I don't want to feel it. I refuse to feel it " and this is when I destroy the compliment. There is a reason why I do this.

There is a reason behind everything.

[(JD)]

((((time0))) And you have such perfect examples in your own life, of deserving love. A child's love is so pure. For sure you would not have it if you were undeserving!

No one has to do or feel anything for another person, to be deserving of worth. Because we ARE is enough to BE. (sorry if that is deep for some )

It would be good to, at times, step out of the emotional...away from how one feels, judging if truth or not... and allow the fact that everyone has worth, everyone has something to contribute just because they are alive. Using small stones like that one, you can build a firm foundation for your own self worth.