worried, please help..

Hi Sparrow,

I didn't see this either till now . And ive been talking about the horrors of what can happen to abuse victiums in thier exams. I didn't knowI was a victium when these happened.
You do and thats a big plus.

If you can possibly share with the doctor you are I think this would be helpful.

She will take extra precautions and check in with you to make sure you are okay . And can stop if needed . A friend who knows your circumstances would be a very good support.
physisians are suppose to not share any info with others unless they have a sighned release.

you can just share this with the doctor and not the attending nurse.

you could also ask about will happen if you share the abuse. with her will it be written down in your record etc,

I know this is hard, And i recognize the need to protect the rest of the family from what happened.

its not right we suffer alone . but we do.



Patricia

Chaotic and Kiya, not trusting woman might not come from overt abuse but from just learning that we couldn't trust our mothers???????

Silv, You've got a LOT of good advice... I'm worried about you.... need to remember to PM you.

Chaotic, Sannah... yeah.... dunno what to say. My mom and granma were 2 of my first abusers, physical and sexual. dad was the third. the women i think finally stopped when i was 4 because i turned into a totally wild creature. but no one could fight back against the dad. but i think i have a harder time with women because the lils in my system respect them and want them to be their moms (not all, chaotic, I had to choke back a laugh with you wanting to strangle them... I too have had to restrain that feeling with those that are all business and not at all caring or sensitive). But i think i have watched how women don't seem to matter in the house, so why should i trust them or talk to them? they always hand me over to the males anyway. But with my current dr - i trust her and care for her too much - I can't let her look THERE. ugh. this has me thinking so much about things, and also dreading this once again 3 months early.

LOL.. Chaotic, I don't thik so.. you know theres something here.i too have had this reaction but the woman did treat me in a condesending manner .She was examining me mentally . and she had has ALOT of POWER.

so ..It could relate back to my mother .I was also betrayed by a few female girlfriends in my childhood who turned on me to be a part of a group that be littled me and called me names .

So I think thats where some of my anger comes from. trusting in therapists and being turned on and feeling betrayed.

You did mention earlier that you didn"t feel you could share your abuse with a friend who wanted to know.

I got a bit overly protective today with a man answering the phone in the patient rep office this afternoon . I recognized him from an AA meeting so when he asked to have my patient record number I responded

Do you really have to know? And he backed down. Not his fault . Someone before him set that up...but I felt good about choosing who can pull up my records and see them . theres ALOT to see.

So privacey and vulnerabilty seem to be a thread weaving through out.

and we can't always choose who we wan't or not want to to know about our conditions . nor how they may judge us.

Patricia

Patricia... I don't like reading this...but it is true.

When I went to my first therapy appointment, I refused to give my insurance information. I didn't want a mental health claim on my record. Now I have a bunch of them. More and more people know about my past with every
passing day. This makes me ill.

Silver... How about this for an option....
Assume your mother loves you unconditionally and would really like an opportunity to show you this and help you heal from the abuse you suffered. Sit down with her and tell her about the abuse and how scared you are about what it and hiding it from everyone has done to you.

You never know...maybe our assumptions we have T (or had) of our mother's ability to raise to the challenge and help us are (were) false.

What do you really have to loose..I'm finding that in the end people are going to find out eventually anyway. I my hiding was able to do was delay it for 30 years.

Seeing so many responses has brought tears to my eyes, thank ya'll so much Sending mucho postivie vibes and love ya'lls way.

I"m sorry I haven't responded! My laptop has been out for repairs and I can't check PC from my parents computer for fear they would link it back to me so I"ve been PC less for almost two weeks now!

I didn't get to go to my exam, I started my peroid the first time, and now that mom is back in school for summmer classes I don't have a way to the doctor or anyone to care for my little sister if I did go, I think I"m going to schedule one on a friday since mom has no classes then! I'm determined now to go and get it over with! Espically since all you kind hearted people have hepled my nervers

I am so sorry this took so long, I've missed everyone and I"m glad to be back!

Love
Sparrow