[deliquesce]

not all of it, but thats why she's still sitting up to protect herself when she should be in bed. scared it's gonna escalate, even though the rational part knows it's unlikely.

deli doesnt know what to do. pdoc cancelled tomorrow so no one to help her now.

[ashsoccergirl]

deliquesce,
I dont really understand what is going on but know that im here for you if you want or need to talk. its up to you but know that you are not alone and that sucks about your therapis but there are people here that care about you and are willing to listen and talk. mabye you can set up an appointment with your therapist soon.

[Kiya]

Likewise, Del - talk to us. We're here for you. Sorry about pdoc. I care a lot, keep reaching out!!!
Kiya

[phoenix7]

whats happening again Deli? fear? tell us so we can help

[deliquesce]

(((((ash, kiya, P7)))))

the person who hurt me before started making comments again, and last night he lashed out at me physically. it's ok, i'm ok now. just it's hard to contain it to "only x happened" and not be worried that it's going to get worse - progress to y and z.

more than anything, i'm in shock. it hasn't happened for a few years now. i thought it was over.

[phoenix7]

Originally Posted by deliquesce

(((((ash, kiya, P7)))))

the person who hurt me before started making comments again, and last night he lashed out at me physically. it's ok, i'm ok now. just it's hard to contain it to "only x happened" and not be worried that it's going to get worse - progress to y and z.

more than anything, i'm in shock. it hasn't happened for a few years now. i thought it was over.

can you ring Pdoc or T and talk to them? did he hurt you? are you really ok? GRRRRR! set your puppies on him!!!! - have to go to wokr but wil check in later - take care of you dear Deli - ring T or pdoc ok

[Kiya]

YIIPES Deli!!! ((((((((((((((((((hugs!!!)))))))))))))))))
Who have you told IRL so you can get support in being safe???

[deliquesce]

pdoc is on leave for the long weekend, i think. he said he could call yesterday and i replied and asked him to, but he didn't, so i don't think i can ask him again. and he is on leave, so i dont want to disturb him.

T doesn't know about the home situation, so i can't really tell him. also, i dont know if i'm allowed to call him between sessions.

the person used to hurt my puppies before, because it would make me cry and i would try to protect them so he would hurt me as well. so i cant let my puppies near him.

it's ok, i'm ok, i was just in shock. very tired. pretty spacey, but i need to do an assignment, so i dont know what to do. want to SI, but i think that's not a good idea.

[deliquesce]

sorry kiya, i didnt see your reply.

i havent told anyone yet. pdoc is the only person i can tell and he is on leave. it was my fault anyway, it was my mistake, so it's ok. i can keep safe because i did it all this time and i just made a mistake yesterday so that's why it happened.

thank you for the hugs, darling girl.

i'm sorry for bringing this thread here, it's not really fair on anyone when it's going on.

[Kiya]

Pls don't be sorry for posting - it is important!
Ya, hopefully you can be SI free - sounds like you got enough trauma going on - no need for more! That's scary that you've only the one person IRL to tell...
(not to distract you from your assignment... but...) police? crisis hotline? local women's shelter? Someone's gotta have reps for you. Dr? (other than pdoc) like a medical dr? Local department of human services?
Easier to think of all the annoying options when it isn't me in the situation.
THinking about you!!!! Hope your ok!!!
(((((((((((((((((Deli)))))))))))))))))))

[deliquesce]

thanky you sweetie . i will see pdoc next week, probably, and maybe mention it then. the crisis part is over (he's back in the grovelling 'let's make up' stage ) - these things never really last long. so i dont think i need to call the police/crisis team or anything, because things are back to normal. i thought about telling my GP, but she can be a bit stern sometimes. she does it caringly, but i need to make my own decisions, and she is one tough cookie to stand up against!

it was just a shock, that's all. it hadn't happened for ages. like - years. i guess that's why i had such a bad reaction. in itself, it wasn't such a big deal.

i finally had a shower just then and am feeling so much more grounded and in control again. must remember this for the next time i flip out.

thank you so much for your concern, lovely lady. it means so much to me that i have ppl here to connect with.

[Kiya]

"thank you sweetie . i will see pdoc next week, probably, and maybe mention it then. the crisis part is over (he's back in the grovelling 'let's make up' stage ) "

Ooooooooooooooook. Now I understand a bit more. And this is REALLY IMPORTANT stuff.

You're in an abusive relationship, and yes they DO cycle. Sky posted really good info on this somewhere in this forum. You are in what is officially called "The Honeymoon Stage". This is actually studied and the cycles are all charted (i have taken courses in this prior to working in a Women's Shelter, I still have all the charts). This is the place where women go "Oh it's ok, it's really not that bad - he loves me" and they go back to him.

The cycle doesn't stop just because now he's being nice to you =( It keeps on cycling. you said "The crisis is over". Yeah - for now =(
((((((((((((((((Deli))))))))))))))))))
I soooooooooooooooooooooooo want to tell you to RUN while you can. Get out!!! But it is ultimately your right and descision. On average, it takes a woman 8 times to finally and officially leave the abusive relationship. Once a woman leaves, but then goes back, her life is in danger and things can often escelate to violence once the guy (not always male - for those reading) gets the hint that the gal has enough power to leave. Police often say that trying to leave again is the most dangerous and can end up really super badly.

Probably more info than you really wanted, and I know it took me a year to leave my abusive BF... I wouldn't listen to what my friends said and couldn't see what they saw because I was too close to the situation.

PM any time, i care!!!!
hugs, kiya

[phoenix7]

Deli how are you? do you still need to see this person? can you avoid them?

[deliquesce]

thanks for your support, guys. i'm sorry i brought this issue here. i don't think it's fair to bring up something like this but not be able to reassure ppl that i am doing something about it.

it's not an abusive relationship. at least, not an abusive romantic relationship. i'm not sure what sort of difference that makes.

but yeah, i guess there are moments of being mistreated.

it's ok, though, really. it hasn't happened again, and we're back on speaking terms. it hadn't happened for a few years, so there isn't much reason to suppose it will happen again soon.

i do have long term plans to scale back contact, but at the moment i'm not in a position where i can just leave. it's not that i'd be unable to, it's just that i have other goals i want to achieve, and it is more convenient to stay in this situation. i have spoken this over with pdoc extensively, and he's come to see it my way also.

if it keeps happening, i will reevaluate, but for the moment i'm prepared to see it as a one-off.

[Kiya]

Hmmm ok - i trust you. =) i think i see it as a two-off, since this has happened twice. You're right, I can't assume things since I really don't know your situation (my mother hen tendancies got ahead of me).
Just concerned about you.
Glad you talked to p-doc, and hoping other things are in place for your safety.
I'm glad you posted about it.
((((((((((((((((((((Deli)))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))

[deliquesce]

thanks sweetie.

i'm too ashamed to post the 'real' details... i guess that's why i'm being so evasive. in two minds about whether i should see pdoc next week. he cancelled yesterday's appt, and i don't really want to see him next week and face the music. i think he was ok with it when i could assure him it wasn't happening anymore, but i'm scared about what he will do if i say there was a slip up.

i am scared of him right now anyway. he told me he would call if i wanted yesterday, and i asked him to call me and tell me he's not angry at me because i'm too scared to go back (i was scared even before this incident). but he didn't call, so maybe he is angry after all.

i'm not sure i can do anything about it. i feel stupid. im not really a good person.

[phoenix7]

Hey Deli, you know pdoc somtimes doesnt get back to you - just like my T - but we forgive them cos they are so good - you need to see pdoc - are you still seeing Austin T?

and you are a good person Deli dear - thats why you have so many friends here ok - be kind to yourself - tell yourself what you would tell me if I said thoses things to you - I think you may just be a bit kinder ok

take care

[Kiya]

You can PM the real details to me if you want. only if you want. no pressure. My mother hen-ness went up another notch. I'm with Phoenix - call up pdoc - he prolly got sidetracked.
((((((((((((((Deli))))))))))))))))

[deliquesce]

lol, P7, you always know how to make me smile. thank you for the doggy hugs . and also for reminding me that pdoc doesn't always get back to me. i wish he was reliable with that.

kiya, that you for being a doll and wanting to help.

[phoenix7]

Deli my T is great, but he is the same with phone calls - I am trying to just say he is busy and I am so lucky to have him and leave it at that - let us know how pdoc appt goes ok