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  #1  
Old Oct 30, 2010, 01:08 AM
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suzzie suzzie is offline
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my dad did it to me when i was ten. but only anally and only once. so not so bad. but he didnt ask, just told me to turn around and suddenly did it. and i just stood there and let him. totally unexpected. what bugs me is i dont remember how i felt. no clue. the memory is like watching a movie about someone else.

is it common to not remember the feelings. maybe it didnt affect me.

Last edited by Christina86; Nov 02, 2010 at 08:34 PM. Reason: added trigger icon

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  #2  
Old Oct 30, 2010, 01:23 AM
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perhaps you are dissociating. I have done that when I was too overwhelmed
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  #3  
Old Oct 30, 2010, 03:19 AM
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You were probably in shock and totally disconnected from the situation and your feelings. I'm really sorry that that happened to you.
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  #4  
Old Oct 30, 2010, 02:30 PM
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(((((Suzzie))))) I too have experienced the none emotion part of some experiences. I'm sorry to hear of your experience
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  #5  
Old Nov 01, 2010, 03:02 PM
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((suzzie))

I agree with the others about it being likely that you dissociated from the experience. I have done the same thing with similar experiences, my T has mentioned my tendency to dissociate when I am recalling events in therapy. I look as though I'm on auto-pilot. No emotions, droning voice (despite what's being described), it is not uncommon to dissociate from experiences like these.

I'm sorry ~ gentle hugs to you.
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  #6  
Old Nov 01, 2010, 03:03 PM
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(((suzzie)))
I agree with everyone else that you probably dissociated from the event.
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  #7  
Old Nov 01, 2010, 03:22 PM
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think you are all right. i never heard of the word dissociating before starting t. and i do check out alot in t on certain things.
  #8  
Old Nov 01, 2010, 06:42 PM
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suzzie,
just a gentle reminder that you should put a trigger sign on your posts like this one.
  #9  
Old Nov 01, 2010, 07:15 PM
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suzzie suzzie is offline
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Kacey2,
sorry i upset you and others by not having the warning.
i didnt think. i wasnt being sensitive.

pm'ed moderator to add one.
thank you for telling me.

Last edited by suzzie; Nov 01, 2010 at 10:47 PM.
  #10  
Old Nov 02, 2010, 12:28 AM
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it is too much. i should have worded it differently and left some things out. and just made it more general.

Last edited by suzzie; Nov 02, 2010 at 03:45 AM.
  #11  
Old Nov 02, 2010, 01:20 AM
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No, it is okay to post these things, just add the trigger. Everyone's needs can be met. You don't have to sacrifice your needs for others.
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  #12  
Old Nov 02, 2010, 01:13 PM
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No Suzzie you don't need to be sorry and you don't have to change your postings. I just wanted to remind you of that feature. It is seriously ok. I don't want to come accross as being uncaring about you or your needs. Hope no feelings were hurt on your end.
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  #13  
Old Nov 02, 2010, 01:42 PM
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think you did an emotional disconnect and that's why you don't recall how u felt. i'm sorry your dad violated you, inmo this was not right. glad he never did it again.
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  #14  
Old Nov 02, 2010, 04:55 PM
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Kacey2, i was never upset at you.

you didnt do anything wrong. i was upset with myself for doing something so stupid. i know the trigger signs are important and i didnt put one. dont know why i didnt. it doesnt make sense. but im sorry because i should have....it affects people.

Kacey2, you are a very caring person. you have been from the start. and still are. and will continue to be. because thats who you are.
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  #15  
Old Nov 02, 2010, 05:14 PM
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Colours94 Colours94 is offline
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once ... or 100 times... its always bad and totally wrong
take care
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  #16  
Old Nov 02, 2010, 05:24 PM
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suzzie suzzie is offline
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madisgram, yes its true he never that again. and that was good. but he did do other things. and sometimes what he didnt do was wrong.
  #17  
Old Nov 02, 2010, 05:34 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Colours94 View Post
once ... or 100 times... its always bad and totally wrong
you are right. i just need to believe it.

Last edited by suzzie; Nov 02, 2010 at 06:22 PM.
  #18  
Old Nov 03, 2010, 03:07 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by suzzie View Post
you are right. i just need to believe it.
Exactly, suzzie. That is something that seems to be individual thing.

I have been able to accept a couple of abusive memories ~ 15 years or so after the events. Several other memories have dragged me down for 35 years. Those older ones gnaw on my fragile inner core. While I know that I must accept the past, to go on more healthily in the future, I fight against acceptance.

Not an easy road...not a quick road...but I am aware of my contribution to my misery by not accepting these memories.
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  #19  
Old Nov 05, 2010, 09:47 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by shezbut View Post
Not an easy road...not a quick road...but I am aware of my contribution to my misery by not accepting these memories.
yes, accepting is the hard part. i was already bad (tainted) before this happened. maybe that is why he did it. i made it a temptation. and why i dont see it as that wrong.
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  #20  
Old Nov 08, 2010, 02:16 PM
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Sannah Sannah is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by suzzie View Post
i was already bad (tainted) before this happened. maybe that is why he did it.
?????

Quote:
Originally Posted by suzzie View Post
i made it a temptation. and why i dont see it as that wrong.
A ten year old? You did nothing wrong. He was the adult and he did wrong.
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Don't let your problems or the world make you feel small. Stretch your arms out over your head. Take a deep breathe. Tell yourself that you are big. You are big, not small. You always have space, you are not trapped........

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  #21  
Old Nov 08, 2010, 02:59 PM
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((suzzie)) - I'm so sorry such a despicable crime happened to you and you're brave for posting this. I understand this is very hard for you to talk about and I sense you're having trouble with claiming this was wrong in a strong voice - that's understandable.

I'll quote where I see this happening:
Quote:
but only anally and only once. so not so bad.
Your father doesn't deserve 'only's' here. Whether anally or the alternatives - this is rape and only once doesn't negate the sin on him. You say "you let him" - you dear person didn't have the choice - that was stolen from you. I truly can't imagine the pain and confusion that goes through a young child's mind - when a parent who's supposed to protect, instead abuses in the worst way. I'm sorry for sounding mad but child abuse, especially pedophiles make my blood boil.

Don't be ashamed and say it for what it really is - this was a brutal, shameful act forced upon you. He doesn't deserve 'only's, or just's or self blame. You're entitled to use your strong voice and claim what's yours.
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  #22  
Old Nov 08, 2010, 04:05 PM
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suzzie suzzie is offline
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Sannah, because i was already being s/a by his friend. and i think he knew. because years later he told me he knew stuff. that his friend had told him. thats why i think it was a temptation. he knew i would and say nothing.
  #23  
Old Nov 09, 2010, 01:54 AM
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Sannah Sannah is offline
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I'm so sorry Suzzie. Your dad sounds really sick. It still wasn't your fault, though. It was your dad's duty to protect you and because of his own issues/problems he failed to do that. In addition, he crossed a parent/child boundary that he should have never crossed. He was the adult and you were the child.
__________________
Don't let your problems or the world make you feel small. Stretch your arms out over your head. Take a deep breathe. Tell yourself that you are big. You are big, not small. You always have space, you are not trapped........

I'm an ISFJ
Thanks for this!
shezbut
  #24  
Old Nov 10, 2010, 03:57 AM
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suzzie suzzie is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by lynn P. View Post
this is rape..........
i am worried about how t is going to interpret this term in relation to my past.
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  #25  
Old Nov 10, 2010, 05:15 AM
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Sannah Sannah is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by suzzie View Post
i am worried about how t is going to interpret this term in relation to my past.
Why?......
__________________
Don't let your problems or the world make you feel small. Stretch your arms out over your head. Take a deep breathe. Tell yourself that you are big. You are big, not small. You always have space, you are not trapped........

I'm an ISFJ
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