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#1
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Hi all,
I have a few friends now questioning how a man can make you do things. I was sexually assulted a month ago, and they were supportive in the begining, now they are asking the questions, and some ignore the subject. Now I think this was all my fault and I was in the wrong. Don't really know what to think. And right now I don't know if I will ever heal from this or the other times that something like this has happened to me. Not a big deal to others, but thought it was something bad that happened to me, guess not. Thanks for listening, Jen ![]()
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![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() --- Got this off a Dove Chocolate Piece! |
#2
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![]() ![]() ![]() I'm sorry that they are questioning you like that. It most certainly is very difficult for people who have not been in that situation to understand why and how these things happen. NO ONE can predict what they would do or how they would react were it to happen to them! You are NOT at fault. You were NOT the one who was wrong. You did what you had to do to survive the situation. You cannot be slighted for that. ![]()
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![]() wife. mom. swimmer. writer. trying to live life in spite of depression, dissociation, and PTSD. member of a club that no one wants to join... |
![]() jen29
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#3
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(((jen)))
You are not at fault even if those around you at times can make you feel that way. Those that do not have truama memeiors at times do not understand the fact that when someone makes us feel unsafe it is a big deal to us for it reminds us how defensless that we can be at times. It is not until we learn how to be safe and know that we can protect our selfs that we can let go of the events that cause us so much stress and fear. just know that we are here and are listening to you. sending safe hugs and thoughts that you are not alone. ![]()
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Sometimes the only way to find freedom is to fight for it, even unto death! Because no form of abuse transcends pass it! To live free and with hope is still the greatest gift of life!- anderson ![]() |
![]() jen29
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#4
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You are INNOCENT!
There are so many ways to manipulate someone, over power them physically or emotionally... I think that many healthy people have a hard time understanding how creative an abusive person can be to get their need met. |
![]() jen29
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#5
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I just feel that it's been a couple days over a month now and it seems like everday/night it gets worse. I don't know how much longer can take it. My head is so twisted and people are starting to make me believe i did something so terribly wrong. This happened in the psych ward and many don't understand why I didn't report it till I got home so that's another thing I did wrong.
I feel like all I do is wrong and deserve to be punished for everything....even the things that happened when was a kid and as adult.
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![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() --- Got this off a Dove Chocolate Piece! |
#6
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Where the H*** were the staff! sorry... but you should expect to be safe and protected there. So it sounds like while the abuser is ultimately responsible for their behavior the staff are at fault too. Why would you feel safe talking to staff that let this happen??????
again... you are INNOCENT! |
![]() jen29
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#7
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Quote:
What happened to you was absolutely WRONG!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Period!!!!! I am not sure if you mentioned you had a therapist or not, but some people start questioning things well couldn't this person see this coming this and that blah, blah, blah.....SCREW THEM.......... Sorry..... If you have never been in that situation and I don't know your past history either which has allot to do with how you will react to present situations no matter what your age then to hell with uncaring questioning people...Those who truly KNOW you and your character will be behind you 100%...Sometimes in this situation is when you learn who your true friends are...Sorry to say that but it's really true...True friends WON'T second guess your character or WHO you truly are or what you SAY!!! They will back you even without DETAILS!!! PERIOD..... I too feel that I should be punished daily, I do punish myself....that's not our punishment to carry and I in therapy am trying to learn that god am I trying to get my brain to catch up with that ![]() Please know that NONE of this is YOUR fault............Friends are there thick and THIN they really are...I have had very, very few in my lifetime...I know of really ONE seriously that know's of the ICKIEST of my time of downtime and she supported me 100% and believed in me...That's a friend...The rest abandoned me and did the whole I am not sure that you couldn't of got away or maybe you asked for it, or maybe you drank to much blah, blah, blah....ETC.....The same old lines.....It's always some one else fault but the Predators right? WRONG....Your the victim okay....Your INNOCENT.....You DID NOTHING WRONG....No matter what...EVEN and I am SORRY if you had your B_DAY suit on.....THAT'S NOT and INVITATION!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() Kalisha
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the past is my future. the pain is my emotion that is my prison. what I feel is as confusing as to why I feel it? |
![]() jen29
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#8
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Are you working with your therapist with this Jen? Please don't confuse average people with people who have knowledge about this kind of stuff. It might be helpful if you didn't discuss this stuff with average people?
__________________
Don't let your problems or the world make you feel small. Stretch your arms out over your head. Take a deep breathe. Tell yourself that you are big. You are big, not small. You always have space, you are not trapped........ I'm an ISFJ |
![]() jen29
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#9
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Yes I do see a therapist once a week on wednesdays. So I see her tomorrow. It's very hard still to discuss this with her, but she knows my past and I tent to break down a little each time. So that is good I think?
thanks for all your support. hugs, jen
__________________
![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() --- Got this off a Dove Chocolate Piece! |
#10
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ah, jen i understand you very well.
When it was just GOING to happen - did you know it was going to happen? NO! No human being would LOVE such suffering caused to then! When it happened - is a person going into shock? YES! So you see - yeah they will never get it - and i assume that NO ONE who was never assaulted is ever going to get it. So we better let ourselves realize this and talk about it ~only~ to people who can get it! Its been getting on my nerves just as much! |
![]() jen29
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#11
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I am sorry you have to feel this way...that is terrible.
Someone once told me that you are only a victium if you choose to be! Do not let it control you because by doing so you are giving the person who did it power over you! Please consider therapy if you are not currently going. If you "friends" are questioning you then I would distance myself from them. A true friend would never question you like that and would always be there to support you and offer a shoulder to cry on. Don't surround yourself with negative people like that or you yourself will become negative. I sure hope things start to look up for you soon. Please keep posting and let us know how you are doing.
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Be who you are and say what you feel... Because those who matter.. Don’t mind... And those who mind.. Don’t matter." (Dr. Seuss) ![]() |
![]() jen29
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#12
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we understand you here - i think you can see that
![]() you did not do wrong - and the people who make those comment shave no idea what they are talking about and in the psych ward - i guess it was patients who had problems saying that too - so they were prob too wrapped up in their own probs or maybe feeling guilty for somthing that happened to them .... dunno can the staff keep you safe - no - they cant be everywhere at once - so you ahve to protect yourself form these people by staying away form them if their remarks get to you - and yes they would get to me too im glad you are getting therapy - i hope things get better for you real soon - and the friends who think you did wrong - you ahve two choices as i see it - educate them - or distance yourself from them please take care of you - P7 ![]()
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Its not how many times you fall down that counts ![]() its how many times you get back up! ![]() ![]() (Thanks to fenrir for my Picture ![]() When you have come to the edge of all light that you know and are about to drop off into the darkness of the unknown, Faith is knowing One of two things will happen: There will be something solid to stand on or you will be taught to fly. by Patrick Overton, author and poet |
![]() jen29
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#13
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((((((((((((((((Jen))))))))))))))
![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() The way your "friends" are reacting is making me soooooooooo MAD!!!!!!!!!! YOU ARE NOT AT FAULT!!!!!!!!!!!! In any way, shape, or form! When you reported it, if you reported it does not make what happened okay. It does not make you at fault. You did a wonderful job of reporting it when you felt safe to do so. That is a very hard decision and you believed in yourself to be able to do that. Don't let these people and their views tarnish your own belief in yourself. These people are ignorant! You went through a traumatizing situation. If these were my friends, well they wouldn't be for long. I hope you talk about what these people are saying with your T. She will be able to support you and tell you (along with us) that these people are wrong. They obviously don't understand what happened. She will be able to support you. This is part of the affects of the trauma and deserves to be discussed too. This in no way makes them right, but it gives a perspective to where their thinking is coming from: (This IS NOT saying they are right, they are wrong) Psychologically they probably want to tell you it is their fault so that they feel like they can have control. If it was your fault (which it is not) they you could have stopped it from happening. If you could have stopped it from happening to you, then if something similar happens to them, they can control the situation and stop it. That means that they feel safer believing you could stop it, because that means that they would be able to stop it. Not being able to stop bad things from happening is a very scary place to be psychologically. They are trying to protect themselves at your expense. This is similar to the situation when children feel that they are at fault for their own abuse. If they were at fault then they could have stopped it and had control over a situation that was actually out of their control. It is never the victims fault. It is not your fault. You are doing great. Let your T know that things are getting harder. We are here for you. Thank you for posting and letting us help you! ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() |
![]() jen29
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#14
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Thank you all so much for your care and support. I really can feel the support here.
My dad and step-mom support me and I confronted a friend last night, she said she believes what happened to me, just doesn't understand how I would let it happen....kinda like How can you let this guy have control over you in a safe place. Well the place wasn't/isn't safe to me and I will never go there to be hospitalized again. Thanks again for the love you all have shown for me. Hugs, Jen
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![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() --- Got this off a Dove Chocolate Piece! |
![]() Sannah
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#15
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I'm glad that you have your dad and step mom.
__________________
Don't let your problems or the world make you feel small. Stretch your arms out over your head. Take a deep breathe. Tell yourself that you are big. You are big, not small. You always have space, you are not trapped........ I'm an ISFJ |
![]() jen29
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#16
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Just an update...I got some advise from an attorney on what to do about the sexual assult and the police not doing anything nor the hospital and he has referred me to another lawyer that specializes in hospital stuff. I hope to hear from him this week. If it's going to be too much money am going to just let it go.
Feel like I should just let it go anyways. I feel like no big deal now, he got away with it so what is going after the hospital or police going to do. Thanks for listening jen
__________________
![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() --- Got this off a Dove Chocolate Piece! |
#17
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If you can, you need to continue with trying to get justic for yourself. You deserve it.
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![]() jen29
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#18
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Quote:
![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() Kalisha
__________________
the past is my future. the pain is my emotion that is my prison. what I feel is as confusing as to why I feel it? |
![]() jen29
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#19
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I agree with the others. Keep pressing as long as you are able. I'm sad that I didn't do more when I was attacked. Standing up for yourself is hard, but it is worth it. Hopefully the lawyer can get the police to do something and then you will not be on the hook for the money part of it. They will do their investigating as they should. Good Luck.
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![]() jen29
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