It shouldn't bother me but it does

For 3 months,while I was away from my husband, he went to my familly, his familly, "our friends", people we both know and he told them how much he was miserable, how much I was hurting him, how much his heart was in pieces because of me, that I have took away his reason to live, so many things he said.

To their eyes I am now the abuser. The heartless one, the selfish one. I am not making this up or imagining this, they almost hate me for hurting him this way. They tell me: " How could you do this to him?!!".

This is hurting me so much. I just feel like hiding even more.



I know I am complaining a lot here lately and I'm sorry.

time0

{{{{timeO}}}}}

Thats awful that he manipulated your friends that way.

Im sorry for your pain.

timeo,

Gem has got it in one. He is being a manipulator. Its like he couldnt get to you so he worked his way round your cirlce of people.

It sorta seems like he feels if he does this then he can absolve himself of any responsibility in what happened between you both.

Your friends and family hopefully explained to him that you too would have your issues and feeling and they are just as important.

I was on the receiving end of something similar where an ex of someone I am very close to told me how had he had been treated. It made me feel uncomfortable as I knew where my loyalties lay and it wasnt with him. In the end i told him not to have these type of conversations with me as they felt manipulative in nature.

He stopped

atg

(((((((((((((time0)))))))))))) I am so sorry that he is doing this to you. It sounds like he is abusing you in a mental way. Do you think your friends and family would listen if you asked them to tell your side of the situation? The only thing negatively they could say is no; so you might want to be prepared should they do so. Do I understand correctly that you are back in this relationship? That must make it all the harder. I hope things improve soon. Please take care of yourself. Remember you deserve it.

I am so blind sometime! I haven't seen this as manipulative but it is. I also haven't seen this as if he was abusing me mentally but he is. Blind, I'm so blind. So mixed up. This situation confused me so much.

Yes, I'm ashame to say that I am back with him. Yes, I am stupid. The most stupid person in this world.

I love my children so much. I couldn't bare see hurt in their eyes. Hurt that I have put there by leaving him.

This is the only place I talk about this. Nobody around me no nothing of my situation or the truth. I am a very private person and I don't show my pain.

Two of " my friend " even told me: "Wow you look great! You must have had a wonderful summer." This was said to me with a disgust in their voices and in their eyes. If only they has seen the marks that was on my body this summer they wouldn't say this to me.

I'm going to shut up now. I'm disgust with myself.

Thank you for your replies and your caring and your kindness. I am not worth any replies. Not worth at all.

I'm sorry to have bothered you. Do not mind me. It's just the same old story. Same stupid story from the same stupid person.

time0

timeo,

I will always answer our posts cos you do matter and you are important. So what if you went back with your partner. Im not going to judge you. Its easy to sit back and say I would do this, or I would do that but the truth is, you are in the situation, looked at what you can do and made the decision the fits for where you are just now. So please keep posting, im always happy to listen

Audrey

I am really sorry timeO. It's so unfair. You must find a way to permenently distance yourself from this cretin. This type of man just lights my fire. Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr

Time,

We all do what we can, when we can.

I think you should feel proud of yourself -- you took action to change your situation--- and I bet a different person returned than was there before. I believe you have grown and perhaps just aren't aware of it.

I don't think you are stupid or have anything to be ashamed of.

This is a quote that I've been recently trying to consider-- don't know if it will help you but I'll share it: ---- "You show your children how much you love them by how well you take care of their mother" (meaning- of course--"mother" is oneself) It's clear that you love your children very much-- please don't forget to love and respect their mother-- after all, they have a part of her in them too.

Thinking of you-----

mandy

(((((((((((((((((((Time0)))))))))))))))))))

Mandy, I like the way you say "I believe you have grown"........ I am not a fan of absolutes, especially online

I have been divorced from 1st husband for almost 30 years, and it took words from his second ex to really let my family know what a liar and cheat, and crybaby he really is. I even got apologies from his last ex's family for the way they felt about me after they believed his whining. I feel that it takes a stronger person to hold your own, and leave. Why be weak and stick around for the next bout of abuse and whining? We only go around once !!

Yes, the time I was away from him and from the others, I have grown, I have saw, I have touched my freedom. I was finding myself. I was becoming one with my inner child. I took a glimpse of who I am. I did like what I saw.

Why do I stick around? I can't find the right words to say why. It is a feeling deep down in me and this feeling has no name. I don't even know where it comes from. It is just there. It has always been there. All my life. I don't know what the feeling is but it is strong. It was put there by someone. But who and why? It's like I'm not suppose to "be".

I don't want to be abuse. I don't want to be hurt. I don't want to be sad. I don't want to pretend. I don't want to feel like trash. I don't want to fight this voice inside of me anymore.

Please do not reply.

Thank you so much, so so much!

time0

(((((((((((time0))))))))))))))) You sound like such a wonderful mother. You are not stupid at all. No one but you can know what is best for you and your family. Please be safe and kind to yourself. You deserve that. Take care and please keep posting.

(((((((((((((((Bipolarbear)))))))))))))))))))

Thank you!
time0