[Fmcconaughey]

Hi everybody,
I'm a 16 year old male and a survivor of physical and verbal abuse as a child. I was severely abused until the age of 9. At that time my family shared a house with several other families and my parents were happily married. It was only after everyone had left that the abuse happened. I was homeschooled by my father but after all the adults in the house left for work, he would drag me into the basement and beat me. The adults in the house worked typical hours, like 8am to 5pm, so he would beat me several times in a day. Every day, it was "you lazy ****! Why don't you understand this!" And even when I did get all the questions right he'd beat me for not cleaning the living room properly or eating without his permission. It got to the point where he burned my arms with his cigarette and gave me huge bruises on my stomach, but I still didn't tell anybody. It was only after my parents got divorced that I told my mother what had happened. She was so supportive and understanding when I first told her.
But for some reason, recently I started having these episodes where I'd feel extreme panic or break down in tears just remembering my father. I think it's what you call being "triggered." When I told my mom this, she just shook her head and said I should be over it by now. That it's been so many years and I'm just making a big deal out of nothing.
The thing is that none of my friends know about this and I feel embarrassed telling anybody because they might think the way my mom does and think I'm oversensitive. But at the same time I really want someone to hear me out and help me with these irrational fears..does anybody else know/sympathize with what I am going through or is my mom right and am I completely stupid for still being hung up about what happened to me years ago?

[nicoleflynn]

Feelings aren't right or wrong, the simply....are. There is no such ting as being over sensitive. See if you can get into some counseling. There are some things you don't get over, but need help with. Abuse is a terrible thing. The book, The Verbally Abusive Relationship by Patricia Evans saved my life. Your fears are not irrational. People who say you should "just get over it" don't understand, and make you feel worse. Honor your feelings and get some counseling. You will be glad you did

[Open Eyes]

Fmcconaughy, I am very sorry that happened to you, it was abuse. I can tell you that when people tell you that you should be over it by now they are not being fair to you and they do not know what they are talking about. I had this happen to me as well, I struggled with bad experiences and situations that I could not seem to just "get over" and I was constantly told that I was wrong and weak and I was constantly cruely dismissed and invalidated for struggling. The other common saying was "Just Let it go", you have to "Learn to let it go".

Since I have been in therapy and have been diagnosed with PTSD, I have learned that people who suffer abuse or trama CAN have great difficulty "Just getting over it". The memories can come up and disturb someone even years after the abuse or trama as well. When this happens it is very important to see a therapist that can validate you and help you talk about the abuse/trama in a way that your brain can work on resolving it. Your brain never had answers, all that happened was that the abuse finally stopped and even though you did tell your mother, that didn't resolve the trama you experienced from those abusive/tramatic moments in your life.

You need to seek help from a therapist so you can slowly work this out and that these memories don't continue to upset and disturb your life now. It is very important that you DO get help so you can be validated and finally heal properly.

(((((((Hugs)))))))))

Open Eyes

[Sannah]

Hi Fmcconaughy, welcome to PC. I think that your mom is wrong. Childhood is for development and you spent a portion of your development living in terror. This WOULD affect you quite a bit. You can't just walk away from that. You need to process what happened to you and work on things in your development that this affected like self worth, boundaries, being able to meet your needs, express your feelings, etc. You must have lived in terror every single day during that time period.

[Polydodecahedron]

You are right to question your Mom's opinion on this one and pretty astute at 16. Getting the sense that friends might not understand I also get. I have found that people can try to understand where or what you must have gone through when they here it, but the comfort doesn't last too long, they quickly forget your story and don't really grasp how mind changing it can be, it's never just about the occasions that the abuse happened, the effects stretch on into your years of life much later. The very fact that it was an immediate family member, a family member who had authority over you adds even more to the experiences. You are fortunate that your Mom and your father are no longer together. Counselling could definitely help you. You might even consider some of your sessions down the track to have your Mom come along too if she's willing. I wish you all the best in the future, you sound like a very brave, strong young man

[BrokenNBeautiful]

Originally Posted by Fmcconaughey

I'm a 16 year old male and a survivor of physical and verbal abuse as a child. I was severely abused until the age of 9.

I was homeschooled by my father but after all the adults in the house left for work, he would drag me into the basement and beat me. The adults in the house worked typical hours, like 8am to 5pm, so he would beat me several times in a day. Every day, it was "you lazy ****! Why don't you understand this!" And even when I did get all the questions right he'd beat me for not cleaning the living room properly or eating without his permission. It got to the point where he burned my arms with his cigarette and gave me huge bruises on my stomach, but I still didn't tell anybody.

But for some reason, recently I started having these episodes where I'd feel extreme panic or break down in tears just remembering my father. I think it's what you call being "triggered." When I told my mom this, she just shook her head and said I should be over it by now. That it's been so many years and I'm just making a big deal out of nothing.

I hate it when people say we need to be over it.

Esp when we have not even touched the issue or tried to work on it, whether from lack of support, not knowing what was going on, etc.

I am an abuse survivor since ag 4 and people say I need to be over it or get over it.

Not that simple.

I have PTSD (post traumatic stress disorder) and I am also "triggered" even now and I am 44.

I am working on not being ashamed of my condition. It was not my fault. I am responsible for dealing with it now, but I was not responsible for being traumatized. And it can be dealt with, but it does take time and patience and a very safe place to process the experiences.

Do not be ashamed.

I am glad you talked to us.

You are okay.

Billi

[Purple Heart]

Hi

I agree with Billi too!! And you seem very mature for your age and also a good writer of English. As with Billi I have PTSD too and you just can't 'snap out of it' or 'get over it'. It takes years to get over, some never do. It's the same as the Vietnam veterans who returned from Vietnam after 1975, they have PTSD and still experience fears of being shot etc. Through therapy and externalising the feelings will you learn to overcome the trauma. But first start by seeing a therapist, but I don't know how it works with you right now since your still a minor.

[Fmcconaughey]

Thank you so much for your advice everyone. It was so great to finally have people be understanding about this.

Because everyone said I should seek counseling, I've started going to a therapist recently. It's sometimes overwhelming to talk about it and they said I have PTSD but I think there's progress.

My therapist says I should let people I'm close to know how I'm feeling, but as for having my mom understand, I still don't know how to go about it. Sometimes she says that it's normal to feel this way; other times she doesn't even answer and gives me a cold shoulder. I also told my girlfriend just a vague idea of my abuse this weekend but something wasn't right with the way she acted afterwards. I offered to walk her home but she completely refused. This was in the middle of our dinner too. I think maybe my mom and girlfriend want time to adjust to this?? It might be kind of weird for them because I don't normally talk about what's bothering me.

[Sannah]

Hi Fm, I'm so glad that you got a therapist. Good work! When you talk to your mom about it she is probably having her own little reactions about it whether it's guilt, sadness or whatever????? Hopefully your gf will explain her reaction to your disclosure. Please continue to keep us posted on how you are doing.

[Polydodecahedron]

Hey FM, that's fantastic news , even if it's takes time to work through or even to get the right support from family or friends around you, your definitely taking the right step forward. Some counsellors can be better suited than others too (at least that's what I have found at times), so never be afraid to shop around for the right one for you if you think you need it on your journey,

[nannypat]

Originally Posted by billi_leli

I hate it when people say we need to be over it.

Esp when we have not even touched the issue or tried to work on it, whether from lack of support, not knowing what was going on, etc.

I am an abuse survivor since ag 4 and people say I need to be over it or get over it.

Not that simple.

I have PTSD (post traumatic stress disorder) and I am also "triggered" even now and I am 44.

I am working on not being ashamed of my condition. It was not my fault. I am responsible for dealing with it now, but I was not responsible for being traumatized. And it can be dealt with, but it does take time and patience and a very safe place to process the experiences.

Do not be ashamed.

I am glad you talked to us.

You are okay.

Billi

I so agree!