is there any hope..

NO, not wrong at all. PLEASE accept her offer. She genuinely cares about you and wants to help you.

I agree, please accept!

you would think accepting this. would be easy. but its not. im still trying to decide.

What is holding you back?

it feels like im less. and weaker. if i accept it.

I see, to feel less and weaker would be scary then?

yes. alot.

took a chance and just accepted her offer.

now scared. dont know if i made the right choice.

This is something to work through and accepting her offer is the first step. Your T is not dangerous. Keep us posted on how you are doing?

she emailed back the appointment.

its another 2 weeks. maybe not that important really.

Suzzie, T's have to keep themselves busy and have constant clients just like you. She is trying and two weeks from now is the best she can do, it doesn't mean you are not important to her.

The feelings that trouble you right now are a result of something and you CAN work through that. I had to go through that myself and I can relate to your mixed feelings. And I think that there are others here that can also relate, but will all tell you that you can work through that and actually end up feeling much better about yourself.

Please give therapy a chance, you truely do deserve that.

(((Hugs)))
Open Eyes

im sorry. didnt mean to be rude.

im just not sure about going to t right now.
but really do need to see her.
its been awhile.

(((Suzzie))),

You are not being rude really, I think you are being brave by expressing your true feelings. We can support you better when you are honest about how you feel. And that is important to remember because when you do that, you will find out that you are not alone in how you feel.

I really meant it when I said I know how you feel because I too said and thought similar things you have stated here. And that is how I know where you are and how you need extra support to help you get brave and truely push yourself to allow yourself to get therapy.

(((Suzzie))) when we struggle from an abuse, especially if it happened when we were young we often think we are not important enough somehow. This is very typical and you really need to know that, because you are really not alone in having these feelings.

Opening up and discussing how we were abused, especially when we were young does make us feel vulnerabe (weak as you put it) I had that too, but you DO GET PAST THAT.

(((Hugs)))
Open Eyes

what if my thoughts of not being important are true. and not wrong.
then im not sure about hope.

(((suzzie)))

Suzzie, your thoughts about not being important are not true, believe me. And even this statement you are making is just another result of being abused. Everything you are saying is felt by all those that have suffered abuse. Everyone at some point was a child and NO CHILD IS WORTHLESS.

You have to establish a strong part of yourself Suzzie that would come up with these answers if a child asked them. That's what I have done for myself, I had those questions too, and last year was really hard for me, but I grew past that stage and you will too.

(((Hugs)))
Open Eyes

I agree with Open Eyes, that voice telling you that you are not important is lying to you. You are special and you need to believe this about yourself. I know because I was once where you are now. I didn't think anyone would ever care about me, but they do. Sometimes when I'm feeling especially low, I hear that voice again, the one telling me no one cares and I'm not important to anyone - then I STOP myself and remember that I have people in my life now that genuinely care about me.

You can have that for yourself, too, and therapy can help you get it.

You are important Suzzie. It is those dysfunctional people from the past and their treatment of you which is giving you these ideas. Those people mistreated you because abusers need to abuse in order to deal with their own problems. They chose you simply because of access and not because you deserved it or they thought that you were worthless.

This bad treatment does leave you feeling that you are worthless, though, but it isn't true.

Please keep talking to us for these 2 weeks. Your appt. will be really good for you and you need it.

wish i could shut myself away.

you are so brave x

Having a hard time coping?

just think it would be better if i wasnt around people. no contact. total isolation. somewhere far away. like the top of a random mountain. with nothing but trees everywhere.

Suzzie, isolation makes things worse. People with issues frequently have this problem if not every single one of them. Getting mentally healthy requires overcoming this need to isolate. We are not meant to be solitary. Sure, introverts need their time alone but this is time to recharge and then to reconnect with others.

What is driving this need? Shame? Decreases your pain?

maybe. but i think it can help too.
think its both reasons. if i isolate. i can denie it. and make it toleratable. and not want to s/i so much.
the more i isolate. the more relief there is.

not sure if one session will be helpful. or make it harder.
the mental torture from the long wait is taking its toll.

I'll bet that the waiting is hard. You never know what can be worked out with this session concerning appts.

***trigger**** just in case







just thinking....



drowning fast
in the unrelenting
crashing waves
hiding from sight
any glint of hope
that could be grasped
no relief is to be
from the constant pattern
of feelings and thoughts
tossing about too much
weakening the tread
deepening the darkness
being drawn down
no breath to take
its grip firmly set
as will is fading
farther from sight
trapped inside
a downward flight
drowning fast
unseen from sight