How did telling feel?

Hi everyone,

I have a question for you all. What the experience like for you all when you told about your abuse for the first time or at different times? I know for me, it was SO, SO, SO hard the first time. It was like pulling teeth. It was also very, very painful. I told for the first time when I was 20. Now, I still have some trouble discussing it, but it's not as hard as it used to be. I recognize now that telling is a huge release for me, even telling now that I've told before. So, I guess it would be interesting to see:

1)How old were you when you first told?
2)Who did you tell?
3)What were your feelings/experiences?

1)How old were you when you first told? 12
2)Who did you tell? My mother
3)What were your feelings/experiences? I was afraid to tell her.....I thought she would be mad at me. The experience was not great because she basically told me not to tell anyone else. It was a LONG time before I opened up about it again.

1) I kind of told for the first time at 18, but was very limited. I told more of my story just a couple of months ago.
2)First person I told was my husband (we were engaged at the time) The person I told the most details to was my T.
3) Telling my husband was hard.. all I did was say I need to tell you something that something happened to me when I was a kid, I was taken advantage of and that was about it. He gave me a big hug and said no matter what he will always love me. I told T a couple of months ago. Mostly through a series of nods and yes and no answers, but was at least able to say that it was rape and a little more detail than what I told my husband. I felt a little better telling T, but there is still so much more to tell and I don't think I will actually feel like I told somebody until my full story is out.

Honestly, it was horrible...I thought relief was on its way but it wasn't. Ppl that don't understand don't know how to handle that information....enuff said.

1)How old were you when you first told? 42
2)Who did you tell? Doc at a psych hospital
3)What were your feelings/experiences? I just gave factual answers to a barage of questions. I have talked about it several times since then in varying degrees of detail, but I am totally numb and robotic when relaying the information.

1)How old were you when you first told?- 21
2)Who did you tell?- best friend, then T
3)What were your feelings/experiences?- Telling the best friend was hard. I thought it would help if T wasn't the first I told, but friend didn't know how to respond, just got silence and "I'm sorry", which only made the shame worse. Telling T was totally different. He showed emotion I had never seen him display, and expressed things I had never felt toward the abuser. I am thankful though that his emotion was expressed at the abuser, and not at me. I would not be able to accept sympathy from my T. part of that not wanting to be the victim thing I have to work on

1 I was a child when I told

2 a teacher, the police, doctor, hospital doctors, nurses, my parents, social services, relatives, the court, therapists, psychiatrists, ...I told many due to my parents, the police and social services prosecuted my abuser on my behalf.

3. I dont remember much about those days. my teacher discovering me coming out of the mine shaft on her way to school, gave me a ride and discovered I was hurting the rest was a blur of activity, questions, surgery ...court. I went through the motions with lack of affect (no feelings about what was going on) I do remember over hearing someone say "when is she going to come back to us, from the way she talks you would think all this stuff is just another day in life, nothing unusual going on here" and a psychiatrist saying this reaction is PTSD, it is common with trauma/abuse cases to have lack of affect, in time she will heal enough to not only say the words but feel them too. just let her be, it takes time to heal what shes gone through."

my first sense of feeling was in the court room After I testified, I got down out of the chair, walked over to where my abuser was and let loose a string of foul words my parents didnt know I knew, directed at my abuser.

I have a great treatment team that I trust, so I rarely have trouble telling them my thoughts, feelings on what happened to me

1) 27 years old
2) In order through the years: Who I thought it was my best friend of 8 years at the time and stopped talking to me because he thought he'd end up killing me. Then the police, then about 2 years later my attorney, then my parents (that one hut so much), then a psychiatrist, then my current psychologist
3) Awful, it still is very damn awful. Even just posting about it makes me sick to my stomach right now :S

1. 33, about 5 weeks ago
2. just my psychologist and that's how it's going stay
3. Awful, don't remember much of telling her as I dissociate, but from what she has said it was just the fact that it happened, who it was, but no details

1)How old were you when you first told? 19

2)Who did you tell? My therapist

3)What were your feelings/experiences? Honestly i didn't feel much to begin with. After the session I felt completely exhausted. I'm still not sure if it helps to talk about it, I feel like everything is getting worse.

17.
My next-door dorm neighbor.
All I could say was, "I was a battered child," then cried for an hour. Didn't speak of it again for more than three years.

(((((autumnleaves)))))))

1. about 2 years ago
2. t (only one who knows, plus here)
3. intense fear/terror (no other feelings)
still feels that way

A. My mother found out when I was 5. My brother told my mom my (abuser) and I were kissing. My mother publicly humiliated me by slapping me in the face and told me to not do that again.

The next time I told anyone or talked about it in detail was with my therapist and I was age 35. I felt out of touch emotionally with it for a while. I compartmentalize my experiences.

B. 1,2,3 The abuse from my parents - emotional - my husband witnessed when we were dating I was 25. The physical abuse and emotional neglect from my parents I talked about with my first therapist. I always felt in despair about it.

1)How old were you when you first told? I was about 6 yrs.old

2)Who did you tell? My parents

3)What were your feelings/experiences? I was too scared and ashamed to tell them then that I was "kissing" (licking) his penis. We supposedly admitted to kissing then, but I wasn't any more specific than that until I was about 39 y.o. My parents don't believe what I say now ~ even though I repeatedly brought up the event & then repressed the memory of those talks. I can now recall 2 different times that I've talked with my parents about the incest (other than the latest). I only remember our talk visually and psychologically (not verbally). VERY shameful and horrible memory that haunts me!

When I was twenty one, I told a therapist. It was more like I described the experiences to her and then she asked me if maybe that kind of thing wasn't standard normal family behavior. I had never considered that before. I still struggle with defining what happened to me as abuse; it makes me really uncomfortable. I feel guilty for thinking of it that way and sad and disloyal.

I felt thrusted back because my fears came true.

So it was hard to trust the 2nd time when it came to abuse.

when i was 6 i told my mom, who supported my abuser (my dad).
told teachers when i was 10, but they called my dad in to talk and then thought i was lying.
told my best friend a few weeks ago. the abuse is ongoing so he is now standing by me as i get help from CPS.

feelings: never good ones. every time i've told someone it feels like i'm a freak or there's just intense fear that it will get worse because i've complained.

This past weekend I told my mentor about most of the abuse that happened while I was growing up. (I'm 35 now.) I had told my husband years ago and he was understanding; he is a wonderful person but not really sure what to say. I have always been afraid to tell anyone else. And my therapist I went to see actually didn't want me to talk about of it at all because he thought poking around in the past would make my issues worse (not seeing him any longer once he told me he didn't want me to talk about it- we weren't on the same page about what I thought therapy was going to be with him). So anyway, this weekend I sat down with my mentor. She was so compassionate and accepting and loving. She is old enough to be my mother and it was like a huge burden had been lifted off my shoulders to tell her. I left feeling encouraged, understood, and having a new sense of hope.

The next day I felt anxious. She comforted me at church by telling me that I am an adopted daughter to her now and she is glad I told her. (I'm blown away by the love of that statement.) She said she has a Piper-shaped spot in her heart and she's thankful I could tell her those things. She is an amazing lady and I am so blessed she is in my life. I know I have with her what many people long for...that nurturing parental type person that really cares about them even after knowing the shameful secrets.

Today was two days since I told her and it was a very hard day. I SI'd because I ended up unable to deal with a rush of emotions resulting from telling her those things. Instead of comforted and relieved and understood and hopeful, I found myself filled with a terrible sense of dread and guilt and shame that she knows these things about me. I also felt ashamed and guilty for sharing things that happened because a part of me feels like I should have just kept it secret, and that telling has dishonored and disrespected my parent (one of the people that was abusive). I pulled myself together and ended up coping by spending six hours deep, deep cleaning my kitchen. (Yeah, I have OCD too; it wasn't really dirty, but now it is extra extra organized and clean.) Anyway, Tonight I am back to having my head in a better place. My mentor loves me and cares about me, and it was ok to tell her. I know it doesn't change how she thinks of me and that it wasn't disrespectful to my parent to state what happened. I imagine I have my feelings go back and forth now that I have told someone, but I'm hopeful that that having someone to talk to about it will end up being a good thing.

1)How old were you when you first told?
19

2)Who did you tell?
My best friend

3)What were your feelings/experiences?
Relief. I know she had been through something similar so I felt understood.

1. first trauma/abuse I told after enduring for a month, when I was six. Mother ignored me. so the abuse continued for several months on. Then next trauma/abuse by another perp(i was 8), I told after he tired of scaring the *#%* out of me with his gun, he let me go, but again I was ignored. So when trauma/abuse happened at 14 (by a new family member that joined our family through marriage)-- fins knew to keep quiet-- that it hurts less keeping quiet than telling and being ignored.

2. The mother (don't know why I did-- looking back it's quite clear SHE was
so NOT the person to go to...*sigh*... I can see that now.)

3. It felt like I didn't matter, that I was smaller than a speck of dust and just as easy to be blown away.

--- lived an inner life of chaos and quite isolated for 3 decades --- then I found some people(therapists and people here) that really listen and have compassion.