[geez]

I'm an abuse survivor and I'm taking care of my body and claiming it (trying to).

When I was younger I abused my body to hide from the painful emotions. I drank and did some light drugs. That's not my life now.....

Today there is a big part of me that still feels 'damaged' but other pieces I'm able to take ownership for.

I challenged my body with a natural/calm hypnobirthing childbirth and I succeeded. I owned the birth experience of my child not the hospital, Dr. or the Nurses.

I challenged my body with eating right and lost a lot of weight and I'm no longer obese (I was chubby, fat, overweight). I don't have high blood pressure anymore and I don't have high cholesterol. I'm looked at by others in my community for inspiration.

I challenged my body with physical endurance and I'm running my second half marathon later this year (I started running a little over a year ago).

I'm challenging my body with mental/physical endurance by now training for my first full marathon in November (if no injuries - fingers crossed).


What I am failing at:

My inability to control/maintain my eating. Having a couple binges a week and as a result I am now gaining weight I don't have any 'junk' in the house but I can make a go of peanut butter for example. Excess fat and calories = weight gain no matter what the food is that I eat.

Getting control of the emotions behind the binges. I hope I can achieve this while not gaining any more weight. This is key for me.

How do/did you claim your body after a lifetime of abuse?

[lynn P.]

((geez)) - I haven't suffered child abuse but just wanted to respond to your thread. I'm so impressed with your achievements and goals. I used to be in great physical condition but lost inspiration, due to my marriage problem - don't have a problem with weight luckily. I've been eating healthy for many yrs .....its a lifestyle for me. Just recently started the Insanity Workout - my 2nd week.

Its great you know what's behind the binging and I'm not well versed on what to do. I admire your determination and continued luck.

[unaluna]

since I started making chicken avocado sandwiches, that seems to have killed my peanut butter craving. are you sure its an emotional craving and not an actual dietary need due to the marathon training? maybe add a protein shake and see if that helps?

[Krose]

I too have lost a lot of weight and have found how good I feel with my new body. I believe that therapy had helped me to release a lot of emotions and therefore I don't eat to not feel anymore. I also started exercising at the gym. I avoided them before because of being over weight and lack of motivation due to my depression. I have found that exercising also helps me to feel more in control of my life and a venue to let me energy out when I am struggling emotionally.

I have also begun to educate my self on what chemicals do to your body and how healthy eating affects my mental health in a good way. I have also learned to value myself and eating right and exercising is a way to care and love myself.

In losing my 85 lbs, I have accomplished it over the past three years. I would lose some and then try and maintain it, in which my weight would bounce around some. I then would get recommited to losing another 10 or 15 lbs. this has worked for me.

I commend you for making positive changes and to continue to exercise. I have come to learn it is a lifestyle choice to be healthy. Keep reminding yourself how much you have accomplished.

[Sannah]

I used to do a lot of emotional eating and then I worked on my adult attachment last year and this insight really seemed to get me over the emotional eating and now I only eat when I'm hungry and I eat healthy. I have worked on a lot of issues but this attachment seemed to be the key to the emotional eating for me. Have you seen any info on what type of attachment you are?

[geez]

Originally Posted by hankster

since I started making chicken avocado sandwiches, that seems to have killed my peanut butter craving. are you sure its an emotional craving and not an actual dietary need due to the marathon training? maybe add a protein shake and see if that helps?

I don't think it's a dietary need. I know it's an emotional craving because I'll eat when I'm physically not hungry. Your avocado killing the pb makes sense because of the fat in avocado is keeping you satiated so you aren't craving the fat in the pb.

Originally Posted by lynn P.

((geez)) - I haven't suffered child abuse but just wanted to respond to your thread. I'm so impressed with your achievements and goals. I used to be in great physical condition but lost inspiration, due to my marriage problem - don't have a problem with weight luckily. I've been eating healthy for many yrs .....its a lifestyle for me. Just recently started the Insanity Workout - my 2nd week.

Its great you know what's behind the binging and I'm not well versed on what to do. I admire your determination and continued luck.

Lynn thank you so much for posting. I've heard of the Insanity workout. In the fall after the Marathon I was thinking of trying it for my next workout goal. For me this weight loss is for a lifetime and that's why I'm struggling so hard within myself to maintain this. I eat really, really well... I get local organic produce from a farm down the road from me. I eat lean proteins. Fruit (probably too much). and very little if any processed foods (eziekel bread or whole wheat pasta is what I eat for processed foods and it's organic or all natural). I rarely have a drink and when I binge it's on nuts or something not bad just bad in large quantities. I do allow myself a 'treat' once a week so I don't feel deprived - I'll go out an buy a sundae and be done with it but I won't by a half gallon and bring it home.... however I also have a couple binges thrown in and it's not helping.

Originally Posted by Sannah

I used to do a lot of emotional eating and then I worked on my adult attachment last year and this insight really seemed to get me over the emotional eating and now I only eat when I'm hungry and I eat healthy. I have worked on a lot of issues but this attachment seemed to be the key to the emotional eating for me. Have you seen any info on what type of attachment you are?

I'll have to look into what type of attachment I am... or ask T. Do you have a good link to share?

Thank you all for your thoughts and support!

[geez]

Originally Posted by Krose

In losing my 85 lbs, I have accomplished it over the past three years. I would lose some and then try and maintain it, in which my weight would bounce around some. I then would get recommited to losing another 10 or 15 lbs. this has worked for me.

I commend you for making positive changes and to continue to exercise. I have come to learn it is a lifestyle choice to be healthy. Keep reminding yourself how much you have accomplished.

Thank you for posting! 85lbs is great!! I lost 80 and I need to keep it off.

The exercise isn't enough for me emotionally :-( It does help with daily frustrations but now it doesn't seem to keep me motivated to not binge. I hope to get through this already.

Thank you for sharing your experiences.

[geez]

Sannah I checked out an attachment style test. I am strongly Avoidant with some traits of Ambivalent, Disorganized, and Secure.

[Sannah]

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Attachment_in_adults

Which one are you here? Anxious, Dismissive-avoidant, Fearful-avoidant?

[Krose]

Interesting. I never heard about this before, yet I scored fearful-avoidant. Fits me very well. Now what does one do with it?

[Krose]

Originally Posted by geez

Thank you for posting! 85lbs is great!! I lost 80 and I need to keep it off.

The exercise isn't enough for me emotionally :-( It does help with daily frustrations but now it doesn't seem to keep me motivated to not binge. I hope to get through this already.

Thank you for sharing your experiences.

Congratulations on your weight loss. It is a struggle at times for me even with learning about healthy eating.

Right now I am on vacation and have been gone for 3 weeks. Been pretty good most of the time, but have not exercised. I will be home next Wednesday and will be happy to get back into my routine. This will be one of those moments where I see if I have not broken my exercise regime and can get right back into it.

I think the important thing to remember about binging is to not just throw all your hard work out the window and thus keep eating unhealthful foods. It is important to look at the binge as a moment and then eat right at the next meal.

[Sannah]

Originally Posted by Krose

I scored fearful-avoidant.....Now what does one do with it?

For me, my healing and getting healthy was all about awareness and understanding myself. Does this info help you understand yourself better? Does it help to explain a lot of why you do this and that? Does it relate to anything that you don't like in your life and want to change?

[Hunny]

Geez,

I like the title of your thread very much and the interesting comments from everyone. I feel like I am reclaiming my body for me too!

From last year till today I have lost 551bs and over 80" overall (I was definitely overweight.) That is about 1lb a week.

I attribute the change to several factors. Firstly, my inner parts were able to discuss in as mature a manner as possible that if I didn't change my lifestyle I was going to get sicker. How I was able to talk internally took a number of years of counseling and sorting through the abuse and neglect issues with the parts within and with the counselor.

Then, a couple of years ago I was able to get work and pay for a fitness trainer one time a week. I started training a year ago. I supplement the coaching time by going to the gym one other day a week and to an aerobic class another time a week.

About 7 months ago I started eating according to a plan set out by a nutritionist (who worked at the same gym). Again, it helped to be working so I could afford this. She gave me the 'best' plan for me by evaluating my body type, giving me a menu plan and introducing me to protein shakes. It was not drastic in any way but it was healthy with lots of veggies and fruits and protein and some carbs. I also take a protein shake after each fitness time.

I had tried to do it on my own many times in the past and even went to weight watchers 3Xs with some success. But for me the real evidence of improving all over, was that I started to feel better, be able to do more, strength and endurance-wise, and have not even needed to take an aspirin for pain since then.

The key is to find a passionate trainer who is not into the fad type diets etc but recognizes healthy lifestyles. I think a university may be a good place to find someone like this. They have the knowledge of bodies and how they function.

Good work for all you have done to reclaim your body and mind...I have one hand to pat your back and another hand to pat mine.

[geez]

Originally Posted by Hunny

From last year till today I have lost 551bs and over 80" overall (I was definitely overweight.) That is about 1lb a week.

The key is to find a passionate trainer who is not into the fad type diets etc but recognizes healthy lifestyles. I think a university may be a good place to find someone like this. They have the knowledge of bodies and how they function.

Good work for all you have done to reclaim your body and mind...I have one hand to pat your back and another hand to pat mine.

Congratulations Hunny! I'm 5 2" and used to weigh 215lbs at my heaviest My body physically hurt just getting out of bed and my knees hurt when I was just standing. I've come a long way from then and I never want to go back. Now I'm 40 and I get 'checked out' by 20 year olds LOL!!! - good for my ego but I'm married so I just smile

I started therapy 4 years ago and it wasn't until I started therapy that I even considered trying to loose weight. I wanted to do it for me and please my T at the time (she had no idea at the time)(I looked up to her and she is physically fit into yoga and running etc..). For the 80lbs I did lose I did it by following WW but doing it on my own at home (no meetings etc...). To this day I log everything I eat even when I know I've eaten way beyond my allowable points/calories. There's something that's stopping me from reaching 'goal'. So close and yet it feels so far away. I did have a body fat analysis done and I'm 21.9% body fat. When people hit 20% or lower they are considered an athlete. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Body_fat_percentage

I smiled when I read your post because Ironically I took a college level nutrition class this past spring that was taught by a registered dietitian. I am currently a health and exercise science major and plan to be a personal trainer along with a long term interest in psychology as I believe the two are related. This fall I'm taking 6 credits... one class is how to develop an exercise program especially for someone who has never exercised before. Another class it to study the human body and how exercise relates to the bodies processes etc... In short I don't have a lack of knowledge on how to eat or exercise but it's all about overcoming the emotional/psychological aspect. If I can conquer that then I can do this for a lifetime. I will truly be able to do anything. I will have no limits. At my core I will no longer believe the garbage that has held me back in so many ways for so many years. Am I growing as a person? Yes! But I can be so much more but I have to get rid of the 'baggage' and really believe I am worth something. Much of my physical goals are to prove to myself over, and over and over again that I can do it. Each new challenge or goal is an effort to prove to myself that I am worth it or worth something.... kind of like a self validation/acceptance.

Sorry for the book

And congratulations on your success!

[geez]

Originally Posted by Sannah

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Attachment_in_adults

Which one are you here? Anxious, Dismissive-avoidant, Fearful-avoidant?

On this test http://www.terrifictop10lists.com/ar...ttachment.html I’m strongly avoidant (7) with some tendencies in ambivalence, disorganized, and secure (5 in these catagories).


Based on these definitions on wiki I'm a little bit in all three http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Attachment_in_adults:
Anxious–preoccupied attachment
Dismissive–avoidant attachment
Fearful–avoidant attachment

How about you Sannah?

[geez]

Since posting this earlier I'm feeling centered and grounded for lack of a better description. This time of day I'm usually stuffing my face (right before bed time) but I'm feeling an odd sense of calm inside and I don't feel the urge to eat to stuff things down. I'm not sure why but wanted to share.

[Sannah]

If you are dismissive/avoidant then you feel good about yourself and not good about others. If you are ambivalent/anxious then you don't feel good about yourself but feel good about others. If you are disorganized/fearful you don't feel good about yourself and you don't feel good about others either.

Do you know which one you are in here ^?

[geez]

Originally Posted by Sannah

When you posted that you felt better in your last post, do you think that info was power for you too?

I have already known that part of myself to some degree. I had some awareness and it's been talked about in therapy but It was the first time I took a test or saw it in writing.

A lot of 'experiences' has shaped that and it's hard to change and trust the process for change. Things are better in some ways such as my relationship with my husband but in other ways I feel like I'm just beginning.

I felt grounded because??? I'm not sure why. It was momentarily but nice. I haven't binged since that post but I'm feeling the urge coming up. I'm going to try really hard to journal my emotions and tell myself 'you are an adult that makes adult choices, you are in control'. Don't let your emotions control you.

[Sannah]

I just edited my last post by mistake. I meant to quote it! I just asked a question in my last post. Do you want to look at it again?

[geez]

Originally Posted by Sannah

If you are dismissive/avoidant then you feel good about yourself and not good about others. If you are ambivalent/anxious then you don't feel good about yourself but feel good about others. If you are disorganized/fearful you don't feel good about yourself and you don't feel good about others either.

Do you know which one you are in here ^?

Sometimes I feel good about myself while not good about others.
Much of the time I don't feel good about myself while feeling good about a person or two (hold others in a higher esteem than myself).
Some times I don't feel good about myself or others. It all depends on the situation and 'relationship'.

[Sannah]

How all of the attachments develop might be a clue too. The abused/controlled develop the disorganized/fearful. Having parents who respond sometimes but not consistently develop the ambivalent/anxious and the neglected develop the dismissive/avoidant. (Not 100%, though)