I am wondering if what i am feeling is normal. see, occasionally i get homosexual thoughts. i am not gay, nor do i feel it, but sometimes i get these thoughts. is that because of the abuse i suffered in my past. i think it is.

i am attracted to women, and i dream of growing up and getting married to a woman, and us 2 having kids, but i never look to the future and see me being gay. i dont even feel attracted to men, i just get the occasional thought.

i truly think i know who i am very well, i am so sure of who i am because i have worked on myself for so long. i am in no doubt as to my sexuality, otherwise i wouldnt feel safe posting this. but just wondered if anyone sometimes feels the same, and whether what i feel is because of the abuse or just simple curiosuity because of my age.

does anyone feel the same?

speak soon

[JustAPixie]

Maybe it's both and that's why you feel it stronger. I think about women too, not actively persuing them, but just what it would be like. Would it be safer? Maybe it's not even related to abuse, maybe everyone thinks about it one time or another...

I really don't know Simon, but I don't think it's abnormal, not at! I just don't know what the reasons are. I hope you could some clarity on the situation. I find sometimes that when I'm unsure of things, when you start imagining what if's... don't feel guilty for thinking about it, why not let your thoughts go and see where they lead? Maybe you'll know better as to what's going on.

[Rhapsody]

I think it is normal...... and it even has a name "Trauma Bonding" - try looking into it...

In a Trauma Bonding, the victim has actually attached him/her self to the trauma of the past and re-enacts the experience in fantasy or in actual relationships.

Some sexual abuse survivors deal with the pain of the abuse by acting out sexually as a way of medicating the pain of childhood abuse.


LoVe,
Rhapsody - ((( hugs )))

[Rhapsody]

WARNING!! WARNING!! - SEXUAL CONTENT..................... BEWARE!!

* * * * * * * * *
Simon...
Maybe this letter that I typed up for my husband to read for better understanding of "Trauma Bonding" can shed some light on the situation for you.... it is in the third person (female) and with sexual addiction as the problem, but I still think you can obtain good information from it that can help.... just change the addiction to sexual thoughts or feelings.

LoVe,
Rhapsody - ((( hugs )))

* * * * * * * * *

TRAUMA BONDING: (sexual)

Sexual abuse victims, physically or mentally, may feel worthless, like damaged goods, and that it really doesn't matter what happens to them. So they continue to reinforce the lie of their abuse and unworthiness or unloveableness by acting out in additional self-destructive behaviors. One way that unresolved sexual abuse (past or present) could play a role in sexual addiction is through the process called, "trauma bonding”.

In trauma bonding, the female victim has actually attached herself to the trauma of the past and re-enacts the experience in thoughts, sexually acting out, and public exposure of ones body, with fantasies or in actual relationships. The female will tend to repeat the exact same behavior that has harmed her, where she or the image(s) is the victim in the situation, using masturbation as a release for her pain. This negative behavior becomes a coping mechanism, created to keep the victim safe from further harm: of feeling her feelings to deeply, from more hurt and devastation, from hating herself or from hating the person(s) that has caused her pain, from a sexual affair and most importantly safe from suicidal tendencies.

Studies have shown that females who are continuously damaged or wounded in ways that are sexual in nature over long periods of time (physically, mentally or emotionally) are prone to fall into “trauma bonding” as their only way out, as to survive. This survival mode usually involves a well kept secret agenda created from a hidden sexual addiction that has developed as a result of the female acting out when she tries to deal with her inner turmoil, this behavior leaves the female victim selecting porn, mental images of sex acts, pictures, or thoughts where women are degraded and/or abused, punished and will often fantasize about herself or the image(s) being hurt, abused, or having sex with her partner and then plays out the scenario mentally with manual masturbation to medicate the hurt and despair that is felt, the “punish me” aspect behind her story – for she no longer feels good enough as a woman, as a female.

Prime examples of sexual abuse cases that create this disorder in many abused females come from the very people in the victims own life, from the people she loves, trust and once relied on for protection: parents, uncles, siblings, neighbors, step-fathers, friends, teachers, spouses, boyfriends and other females. Trauma Bonding comes from a single turning point in ones life with past multiple sources, a possible combination of these items: unwanted sexual advances, rape, molestation, childhood abuse, spousal sexual abuse, significant others porn use with acting out or lusting after another, replacement theory, sexual rejection and/or repeated exposure to unwanted sexual images. Irrational fears of image(s) and or people that resemble the abuse or pain of the sexual wounds in the female victim have been known to develop. This can make having a social life or working career impossible in some woman until the disorder, behavior or source of pain has been removed from the victim’s life.

The effects of “trauma bonding” can leave its victims feeling: depressed, scared, crazy, perverted, afraid to tell, suicidal, lustful and with fears of being homosexual. A kind and loving friend who will give unconditional support to the female during her time of recovery is needed. Look for and attend a support group on sexual abuse or addictions, an accountability partner should be located; some one you can turn to and trust with out judgment being placed up on you – for YOU are the victim of another person’s selfishness and/or sickness.

The first step in getting better is to take the dysfunctional secret out and into the open and share its pain and devastation with a friend or trusted love one.

* * * * * * * * *

wow, very informative rhapsody. it has made me feel better actually, because the question here isnt my sexuality, because i know im not gay, i just wondered why im getting these rare thoughts of homosexuality. that article helped alot actually, it has made me feel more comfortable about the thoughts and i know now to accept them.

i must stress that these thoughts are rare, like once a month i suppose. my normal sexual thoughts are about women and are just mild fantasies, nothing worrying. just me being with someone in a special occasion.

thank you rhapsody, and everyone else who replied, i have gained a good understanding now.

you say in the article that i should turn to a close friend or relative about this, theres one problem with that...i have no close friends (or any i would want to get close to) nor do i have any close relatives. so i will keep it in mind for this site and talk about it on this post if i need to, yea?

speak soon

[Rhapsody]

YOU have US Simon..... we are your Close Friends.

LoVe,
Rhapsody - ((( hugs )))

[JustAPixie]

Thanks Rhapsody, I learned a few new things as well!

[Sarah116]

Abuse sounds like it would do it.

Hi Simon,
I think it's normal to be curious and think about having sex with your gender. I don't think it's because you were abused. I could be wrong though. I don't know.
I was abused by a male and have fantasized about being with a female but I really don't think the two are related in any way except when I think of how hard it is for me to trust men but I'm going in the opposite direction-to the opposite gender in my case, if it is in any way related to sexual abuse.
I'm sure "normal" people who've never been sexually abused think about and have fantasized about having sex with the same gender who aren't gay.
I don't think you have anything to worry about.
If it really bothers you, do you have a counsler or therapist to talk to about it?
(((((Simon))))))

Rhapsody, very interesting article. Thanks!

thanks everyone for your support.

i have a councillor but i dont class it as a problem really. it doesnt happen often enough to consider it a problem, i just wondered if anyone feels the same, and i am glad to see some of you do.

i think i am at an age where i am naturally curious, and i have realised that it doesnt determine my sexuality. im sure i would know it by now if i was gay. i am a very honest person who admits to anything and is prepared to share anything about myself, so i would know if i am gay, or bisexual etc, and i know im not.

i have found since coming to PC a few months ago i have slowly opened up every aspect of my personality and tried to figure out answers to most of my issues. i have shared everything with everyone here and i am no longer ashamed of anything (and by this i mean EVERYTHING about my life, not just aspects of my sexuality) which is good. i consider myself true and genuine and i hate thinking i have lied to somebody about something. and PC has tought me that what has happened in my past has happened, and i cant make it go away so i just need to accept it and move on. i have come so far since joining here and i truly think this has been one of the most important decisions of my life, next to councilling. i just wish i could show each and every one of you how thankful i am. and when i get the chance in the future i will write and record a tribute song for this place as it means so much to me.

sorry, im talking cheesily now, i best stop hehe.

thanks again.

simon

P.S. i am LOVING the new look site. well done DocJohn and anyone who had an involvement in it. i think it looks a million times better.