when abusers are honored

my father has always been very successful. Now, since retiring and moving back to his home town he has gotten appoint on the board of local businesses, and now. he has unofficially won the election as mayor. I feel so torn. Both proud and mad. I feel mostly bitter without the anger. Why does his life go so well. I thought people who abused others were supposed to feel some overwhelming torment inside. I thoutht they all lived dirty, unsuccessful lives. Yet it seems my life is way more of a struggle than his. Sorry to whine. Im not sure where im going with this.

He has his conscience and his god to answer to. It is not always seen to us, we often see just the injustice. Anyway, he will be dealing with what he did. Are you comfortable confronting him?

no.. i dont want to confront him. i dont even really want him to suffer. but i hate that he has no regret for what he did. and on top of that everyone thinks he is wonderful. I want him to feel the pains of regret.

I understand. Perhaps he has. He needs to come to you with it though. I am sorry that the people who are supposed to protect and nurture us fail so miserably.

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esthersvirtue said:
no.. i dont want to confront him. i dont even really want him to suffer. but i hate that he has no regret for what he did. and on top of that everyone thinks he is wonderful. I want him to feel the pains of regret.

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You - I and the many other abused children feel this exact same way.....

LoVe,
Rhapsody - ((( hugs )))

it may be the case that he has been torn up about what he did to you. maybe hes tried to be elcted for mayor just so he has the chance to change other peoples lives, almost as though he feels the need to mend other peoples lives after ruining yours.

at the end of the day, esthersvirtue, you are stronger and better than him. he may be superficially praised but you are the one that holds the inner strength and you are worth a whole lot more than he ever will be. a job title doesnt make you a person, its whats inside that does.

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esthersvirtue said:
my father has always been very successful. Now, since retiring and moving back to his home town he has gotten appoint on the board of local businesses, and now. he has unofficially won the election as mayor. I feel so torn. Both proud and mad. I feel mostly bitter without the anger. Why does his life go so well. I thought people who abused others were supposed to feel some overwhelming torment inside. I thoutht they all lived dirty, unsuccessful lives. Yet it seems my life is way more of a struggle than his. Sorry to whine. Im not sure where im going with this.

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I relate to what you wrote above. (My father remains unaccountable for his crimes against me.) I cannot understand it either.

thanks all. I cant say on each and every "count" he is unrepentent. But i know the physical abuse and emotional abuse, he argues with me about being right about. He believes you have to earn love. He thinks my brothers lied about him trying to strangle him. This is a recent conversation.

I went to a church that taught forgiveness allot. And i've never thought that I didnt forgive him. But I just hate the fact that he has no struggles. I hate that he has no regret. Is that bitterness??? If so... I don't know how to get rid of it.

((((((( HUGS ))))))) ~ ~ ~ ~ ((((((( HUGS )))))))

My step father had at one time admitted his wrong to ME with an APOLOGY & he ASKED for FORGIVENESS.... but then years later he took it back, saying he NEVER did any of those things to ME and that I was the crazy one.
And - my mother has since forgotten that my sister and I had to come to her when I was five years old and told her about one night when he came home drunk and came to my bed.

Is it old age with the memory part leaving them (or) is it selective memories....... forgetting that which they not wish (or want) to face any more?


LoVe,
Rhapsody - ((( )))

Being a mayor is a crappy job. You are surrounded by liars, cheats, brownnosers, greed and stupidity and the whole while, the mayor takes the hit for everyone's unhappiness. He may think he is the big man, but its a fool's position. He will be used, abused and accused. Not only that, he is in the public eye and if he ever beleives, even for a moment, that you will talk, he will be walking on eggshells the whole time. Justice comes in many forms and no one is anaccountable for their actions.

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esthersvirtue said:
I went to a church that taught forgiveness allot. And i've never thought that I didnt forgive him. But I just hate the fact that he has no struggles. I hate that he has no regret. Is that bitterness??? If so... I don't know how to get rid of it.

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I'm just beginning my journey in healing from my wounds my father created in me.

I was told by a wise spiritual person that forgiveness is the last step in the survivor's healing process. Telling a survivor, "you need to forgive the abuser," when the survivor has not finished the grieving process creates more guilt in the survivor. You'll forgive when you are able to forgive. It doesn't mean you are bitter. It means you are still struggling with the pains of the past.

what a common situation, the public versus the private lives of abusers. I think mine got how messed I am am from his abuse by the end of his life. I think he might have felt regret.

As a kid i too prayed "Father forgive him he knows not what he does" and that didn't help me at all. I prayed "Father forgive my mother, for she knows not what she does", as she pushed me through the bathroom door to go pee when dad was already in there. Thatdidn't help me either.

Wasn't til I was 30 that somebody clued me in to the thought of forgiving myself for choosing such a hard life. (believing in reincarnation, of course.) Now, THAT helped me.

The challenge of free will. Energy from the past here to work it out in the present. Some choose to stay stuck some choose to evolve and everything in between.

All each of us can do is our best moment by moment. Learn as we go and hope for the best, I guess.......???

Esther, you don't know what's in his heart. He may very well have regrets and remorse and guilt underneath the successful exterior. Take heart.

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SeptemberMorn said:
Esther, you don't know what's in his heart. He may very well have regrets and remorse and guilt underneath the successful exterior. Take heart.

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Actually I have talked with him about the abuse of my brothers. He yells and screams at me telling me that I'm wrong for trying to help my brothers cope with his abuse. that they dont deserve love. So yeah im pretty sure with regard to that that i do know his heart. he isnt regretful.

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esthersvirtue said:
I went to a church that taught forgiveness allot. And i've never thought that I didnt forgive him. But I just hate the fact that he has no struggles. I hate that he has no regret. Is that bitterness??? If so... I don't know how to get rid of it.

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Please look into getting the two books that I have listed in the Rate & Review section..... I think they could be of help to YOU in letting go and moving forward.
If you cannot afford them right now - check at your local library for many of them carry these two books for you to check out and read.

Good Luck....

LoVe,
Rhapsody - ((( hugs )))

I was sexually abused from the time I could remember until I was 12 years old. I am 36 yrs old now and I am having to deal with NOT dealing with it all these years NOW. It was my father and really it feels like abuse all over again. I hate what he did because he has NEVER said I am sorry. This has been kept inside for 36 years and now it wants to surface. I have panic and anxiety attacks now, thanks dad. I don't know what is in my dad's heart but I do know what is in mine. But it is hard to hear that I never loved him like he wanted me to.