what I lost.... because of you... my abusers...

From.... an alters point of view.... may be different.. from host or other alters...

as a Mom alter.... this is my point of view....

I try so hard... so very hard... to stay in the "present"... not in the "past"... not looking to the "future"....

"good therapy" instilled that into me....

But there are times... when I do get so very sad... about the life that I would have had... could have had... should have.... and had it not been taken from me...by the abusers my life...

And what can I say......what can I say....

Recently... my adult son... and I had a conversation.... and I told him some of my life... some of the abuse..

I did this... because I had hoped to give him some idea.. of why.. I have PTSD.... why.. at this point in my life.. I am choosing to live my life differently..

The... non-compassion... that I got... I guess did not surprise me... for... he was raised in environment.. where abuse did not happen... where... it was a happy sub-division... where... friends were many.. vacations...to be had... families to enjoy...

But... it is a non-subject between us.... shocking... but non-shocking..that this should now be a "secret" between us... just like.. all the people in my past....

I might as well... as told him.. well... I just ate dinner...that is the reaction.. that I got.... and.... that is the way it is....

So.... the "legacy" continues... my son... I raised to not understand...
to have no compassion... for those that have suffered...

I just don't know... makes me feel so very, very sad....

((((((freewill)))))
i'm so sorry your son couldnt be more understanding

freewill,

I don't know your son. But, maybe, he is like some members of my own family and some friends. They just don't want to look into the face of my pain. They don't have it in them. It's not really that they don't care. It's more like taking the horrific stories off a newspaper page and making the stories all too real for them. It's easy to read about it -- abuse, inhumanity -- in the newspaper, because when it feels like too much, they can just turn the page. Can't do that when looking into someone eyes. So they try not to look.

My brother was like this. It took him several years after I disclosed my abuse to come around, to really look into my eyes. But he did. Like him, your son might just not be ready.

But, again, I don't know your son. I dont' profess to know all the answers. Regardless, I really encourage you not to look at today as if you have failed in raising your son. Life's experiences, more than what we are told, teaches us compassion. You son may just need to live some more of life to develop that. Your example -- your strength -- will continue to matter to how he sees the world, even if he doesn't speak of it. Your role in his life is not over. You matter, and your recovery will continue to matter.

be well,

mtd

free- give it time - his time. ..his time is gonna be different than your time.

Thank you for your wisdom... yes.. I understand... now...

and... it doesn't hurt... thank you...

Freewill - I wish your son could have reached out to you and embraced you with compassion - but I will say - for your sake - he is young yet and since he did not ever, thankfully, experience life as you have then he may not have any way to put it into context and he has not lived enough of life or had enough of life experiences to come to any understanding of other people's lives, their pain, their terror, their fears, even their joys. I know when I was in my 20's and, even though I had by then experienced abuse, all I wanted to do was run from it and forget it - go to work and then hang with friends. I am ashamed to admit that I did not reach out as often as I could or should have to others who needed me - it was easier just float along in my own little life and ignore the bad bits in others lives.
I hope when your son has some more life experience under his belt that he can begin to understand your pain and your coping mechanisms and come to validate you - his Mom.

As always gentle (((((hugs)))))))))

(((Free)))

He just doesn't understand because he's luckily never experienced it. Maybe he couldn't react because it was such a shock at that moment, maybe in a way he felt uncomfortable. He probably does sympathize just hasn't expressed it.

Thanks again everyone.... you are all so wise... it is true... he hasn't been exposed what I "had" in my life... I protected him.....

Well... my wake up screaming nightmares... were always a part of his life... because... even thru... two doors... they woke him up too...

his friends... were really terrific.. because with sleep overs...and vacations... they... never made fun... or gossiped about me..

but then again... I was important in their life too...

so maybe... all is good....