minimizing abuse

Does anybody else on here ever doubt that your abuse/neglect was "enough" to "really count"? Sometimes I think I am just crazy and blowing everything out of proportion. I really worry about that a lot. But then I think I can't feel this bad for no reason. Sometimes when I hear about others' abuse stories that are so much worse, I think I'm such a weak person for making such a big deal out of my experiences. Can anyone relate?

"Blessed be the cracked, for they let in the light"
-Author Unknown

I can.........esp. when I read about others here. Then yes, I start wondering what in the world I have to be complaining about when other people are definitely in such pain.

Then I tell myself that I shouldn't be making such a big deal out of little problems, and I hear my mom's voice telling me that it's all in my head and I'm doing it just for attention. [sigh]

That makes me feel worse.......anyway, I just thought I'd throw my 2 cents worth in.

Mary Alice

I've had friends tell me they felt this way too. My belief is that to each one of us our story and abusive experiences are the worst because they happened to us. It doesn't matter who's experiences are the "worst." If you've been abused and you're hurting because of it, those are valid feelings. You have a right to your feelings. The thing about life is that you can always find someone who has it worse off than you, or better. But the important thing is to honor your experiences and path.

I've definatly thought about that, for the longest time I thought OH IT's NOT AS bad as others have had it. BUT there will be people who had it worse then you and there will be people that didn't have it as bad as you. Abuse is abuse no matter what. I was always thinking that way, with that and the rape. OH it wasn't exactly forced physically, but then I think back and so many times there was the threat of him doing that to me, so obviously it was the fear that if I don't something worse will happen to me.

I definatly can relate to this.

<font color=red>~Sundance~</font color=red>

<font color=blue>"Never react emotionally to criticism. Analyze yourself to determine whether it is justified. If it is, correct yourself. Otherwise, go on about your business."</font color=blue>

<font color=black>Norman Vincent Peale</font color=black>

Hello SweetCrusader...
I just wanted to let you know that you are not alone in thinking that.. My abuse was very substancial and trust me No matter how long or how much you go through that question still comes up in your head..
No matter what the abuse or how long it is substancial to yourself and your life.. And your well-being...
Take care and enough of my babbell.. troubled1

I think we can always find someone who's story is worse that ours, but isn't the abuse that got us to this point really what matters? I was physically abused from the age of 3 until I was almost 15. I've seen people's stories that I've thought were much worse that mine. But my abuse is my living hell, and it's what I have to carry with me everyday. Don't trivialize what happened to you, it was important enough to affect you as an adult, and we want to hear whatever you want to share. You're not a weak person at all, it shows a great deal of strength to come here and share your story.

Greg



"Beauty is truth, truth is beauty - that is all you know on earth, and all you need to know"

Yes! I can totally relate to that. I think the same thing. Sometimes i even wonder if i had it worse becasue i'm unsure if i should even complain. I mean i got through so much, it just feels like i'm trying to steal the spot light. So, to answer your question, you are definitly not alone on that.

I feel that way, SweetCrusader. I assume other people will judge my experiences as insignificant in comparison to theirs...but that's because that's what I do to myself. I think my experiences are insignificant in comparison to others. Or that I have more to be ashamed of.

I haven't suffered from physical abuse. I think I've suffered from verbal and mental abuse at different times (but sometimes I'm not even sure of that - maybe I was useless, clumsy, stupid and had no common sense as a kid! I don't know.)

I'm ashamed to post much about my feelings about my son who was sexually abused by my ex-husband (now deceased). I have a lot of guilt. Why didn't I know? Why didn't I clue in? I look back now and there were signs - I MISSED!!! I failed him. He was hurting then...he hurts now and he is a grown man. I failed as a mother. Happy Mother's Day to me. How can my experiences bring anything but pain to anyone whose parents also failed them? How can my pain ever compare to theirs?

Yeah, I think I'm a weak person if I make a big deal out of my experiences.


<font color=green>Once in a while it really hits people that they don't have to experience the world in the way they have been told to.</font color=green> --Alan Keightley

Since I wasn't really physically abused (except by other kids - bullies), it has never seemed to me that I qualify as a victim of abuse. I told my T that once and he said that he thinks I was abused horribly. So I also minimize it and feel guilty about blowing things out of proportion. Besides that, I am my own abuser.

<font color=orange>"If we are going to insist that people pull themselves up by their own bootstraps, we must ensure that they have boots."</font color=orange>

I'm new here. I don't know where to begin, but when I read your message it is familiar. I've been married about 3 yrs. 2nd marriage and it just isn't right. I'm constantly degraded, rediculed, belittled, and physically sometimes. My kids go thru hell. During one of the episodes, he called 911 and we go to court next week. NOW, he's acting totally different, probably for fear I have him by the b----. I know it'd go back to the same thing; but i'm lie you and wonder i'm i over exaggerating. My heart tells me i'm not, but the rest tells me i am. i do like to have a few beers, and that's what he always throws up to me. he doesn't want me to do anything. sometimes i think i do because i know it ticks him off. he wants me to lie in court, but i think i want to tell the truth and get him out.

<blockquote><font size=1>In reply to:</font><hr>

To SUNDANCE: I appreciate you letting me know that you relate. It helps me deal with the feeling when I understand that I'm not the only one who's responded this way to my own suffering. I'm sorry about what happened to you! If hugs are ok with you, (((((((((((((((sundance)))))))))))))))). Here's to hoping we can both accept and overcome the pain that we've had!!!!

<hr></blockquote>


It's something that I feel alot of us go through, everyone thinks people have gotten it worse, and that may be the case, but abuse is abuse none the less and it in away effects us all the same. Some people can get healed quicker then others, but we all hit the same road to healing, I know you will be ok with this, I am not... It took me like 6 yrs, and my Psychiatrist kept telling me that it's abuse, people have it worse, people have it less.. and she had to keep hammering that into my head. It effected me enough to develop PTSD... so harm was done.... now that i've accepted it and almost completely healed I feel good....Finally I feel good.

((((((SweetCrusader))))))

<font color=red>~Sundance~</font color=red>

<font color=blue>"Never react emotionally to criticism. Analyze yourself to determine whether it is justified. If it is, correct yourself. Otherwise, go on about your business."</font color=blue>

<font color=black>Norman Vincent Peale</font color=black>

I don't know how to post a new message so I'm replying to this one because, to the contrary of you, I don't think I am in a situation of abuse while all my friends think I am. I have an excuse for every behavior my husband presents... I believe my job as a wife is to be understanding... Well, it's just as hard to escape when you think you are over reading the abuse than when you are making excuses to not see it. Take the test this web site has to see if you truly are in an abusive relationship. It was an eye opener for me. I have taking it three times (because I still don't believe my relationship is abusive) and even I have changed the answers, every time the results indicate that it is!

I can relate. I did the same thing for years. I felt like it was all my own fault and it was over and i should just deal. Since I have opened up and told some members of my family about my abuse I have been told that It happens to everyone. Well, I am through allowing anyone minimize my pain. What happened to me as a child shaped my whole life. It was not a little thing, and all brothers do not rape their sisters!
If it causes you pain, it is not a little thing.

I've thought about what are the major of minor events of things that have happened to me. It took some time, but I think I've realized that even the "little things" all add up enough to count. Sometimes, I think that having a lof of "little things" can make life feel worse. I think life might feel more out of control, as opposed to just one or maybe two "major" things happening. I don't think that you are minimizing. I think that minimizing would be denial. If you can admit that something happened--regardless of severity--then it's not minimizing anything. Good question!

Wow, I can't believe how many replies this post has gotten! I guess it really is very common for survivors of abuse to deny and minimize their abuse. I had always heard that, being a psych major, but I guess I didn't understand until recently just how much I have done that! I've thought about what was big stuff and what was little stuff, too. To be honest, the emotional abuse I suffered was harder on me than getting hit ever was. And I think most people would consider getting hit "big stuff" and emotional abuse "little stuff," but you know, I really think emotional abuse leaves a devastating mark. I'm back to accepting that I was abused now. It helped me a lot to hear all of everybody's stories on here confirming that denial and minimizing is something that a lot of us do. I hope I don't ever go back to minimizing my own abuse. It just makes everything feel so much worse. Thank you and hugs to everybody who's been posting in response!!!!

SweetCrusader

"Blessed be the cracked, for they let in the light"
-Author Unknown