Is it real?

I have what I take to be a memory...but I'm not sure if it's real. It's instances of sexual abuse, but how do I know for sure if it happened? That the sinister voice of mine didn't make it up to taunt me...and try to make me believe it really happened?

Is there any way I could know, for sure?

Can anyone corroborate it? That might be the only way to know for sure. Even if it's just some of the details. Like, in the case of my recovered repressed memory, a bunch of stuff came back at once, including a conversation that my mother had with the lady across the hall. I didn't actually go and ask my mother if she remembered that, but I could. There were just so many things that all added up that I am positive that my memory is real, and the way it just suddenly came to me out of the blue, I didn't have any reason at the time to make it up either.

I'm not sure if this helps or not, but I hope so. It might help for you to talk to someone about your memory, and work out your feelings about it.

Whether or not it is real only really matters in terms of what you want to do about it. Even if it isn't real, you have real feelings about it, and there was some reason for it to have popped up when it did. It doesn't really matter, for instance, whether my memory was real. My abuser was an old man then, and I would be surprised if he is even still alive. Even if he were, he is in another country, and what he did was not enough that anyone would be interested in trying to prosecute him for it. It's just plain not worth the effort to make accusations. But I probably do need to work out my feelings and how it has impacted my life anyway.

<font color=orange>"If we are going to insist that people pull themselves up by their own bootstraps, we must ensure that they have boots."</font color=orange>

It's hard to say whether it is a memory of an actual event or not.

Alot of people who have been abused in the past will be fine and have a wonderful life when out of no where a memory will pop up, something that they thought never occured when it could have. Memories pop up when the person is ready to start dealing and healing from the past, that's why alot of us get flashbacks.

Don't push to remember it, the more you push it the further you are actually pushing it back further inside yourself. Let it come on it's own, and if this is continuing then start asking questions, write it down, and if it's too much to take then it would be best to go into therapy to talk it out with someone who could help you with the abuse if that is what happened.

This is hard thing to think off, espeically if it's the first memory you have had, but there could be a reason to why it is coming out now. Take one step at a time, and don't force it out, it will come out when it's ready too.

Good luck to you, I hope that isn't the case for you, but it could be possible. The mind is a powerful thing, you just want to make sure that it isn't false memory, cause that can happen at times, but not always.

<font color=red>~Sundance~</font color=red>

<font color=blue>"Never react emotionally to criticism. Analyze yourself to determine whether it is justified. If it is, correct yourself. Otherwise, go on about your business."</font color=blue>

<font color=black>Norman Vincent Peale</font color=black>

Is your memory something that happens all the time, ramdomly, or does it seem to be triggered by events in your life? By that I mean, my abuse was physical, and when I see something like a parent screaming at their child, it triggers memories of my abuse. If you could identify an event that's prompting this, it might help you figure out if this is real or not. Have you tried any therapy for this?

Greg



"Beauty is truth, truth is beauty - that is all you know on earth, and all you need to know"

Greg--I haven't had therapy, ever. :/ Good point on the triggering, I will have to pay attention and find out. I know how I remembered it the first time. I was at the ob/gyn office having an exam and I started shaking and crying when she touched me...

I guess I should have been more specific as well. My uncle's wife's brothers (12, 14, 15 at the time I was 5) the middle brother starting paying attention to me, started talking to me and then asked if I wanted to go outside and play...I said yes. We went out the back door and the other kids were out front (my cousins and a neighbor or two) I went to go around the corner to the front, he pulled me back and said he wanted just the 2 of us to play...the others would spoil it. It turned out to be a 'touching game' that turned sexual. (I really can't go into detail right now...) and I've remembered that since it happened, the one I'm not sure of involves all 3 and went beyond touching.

Thank you for all the replies, it has given me things to think over.




<font color=purple>Pain can indeed be a beautiful thing</font color=purple>

{{{beautiful pain}}}

How come you haven't sought out therapy?

I can tell you first hand, dealing with abuse that was emotional, physical, sexual, mental and verbal at the age of 16 and then later on through out the years until I was roughly 20-21 I was always getting abused, sexually assaulted and harrassed, I always thought there was a target on my head. I was barmbarded with ptsd, plauged with it. It took me 8 yrs to get where I am now, and I no longer suffer from ptsd, well I do from time to time, but I can live with it. I thank it all to my wonderful psychiatrist.

No one can deal with abuse issues on their own, it's hard to understand why you go through what you do in terms of flashbacks etc.

Please consider therapy, hon...

Take care, I hope that you are doing better.

<font color=red>~Sundance~</font color=red>

<font color=blue>"Never react emotionally to criticism. Analyze yourself to determine whether it is justified. If it is, correct yourself. Otherwise, go on about your business."</font color=blue>

<font color=black>Norman Vincent Peale</font color=black>

((((((((((BP)))))))))),

It sounds like you're starting to get some ideas of what you've been experiencing. That's a good start. It's always tough recalling memories, especially ones that you've repressed. If and when you get ready to talk about it, we'll be here to listen. I'm glad you found the site and decided to join us!

Greg



"Beauty is truth, truth is beauty - that is all you know on earth, and all you need to know"

Thanks for replying sundance and Greg I haven't gone to therapy for a number of reasons...I'll have to cross post from another thread about why I'm not in therapy (or haven't ever gone).

Thanks Greg, I'm glad I found the forum as well



<font color=purple>Pain can indeed be a beautiful thing</font color=purple>

Ok...here is my little spiel on not being in therapy XD

I don't for a number of reasons. One insurance won't cover it, at all. No job to pay for any extenuating costs. I also don't have a car, and live in a mostly rural place. Then there's the small town thing, where there is basically no confidentiality (blah blah professionals...it's still practically non-existant) and I also don't do well with strangers, face to face. I would either sit there and not respond, cry, or unobtrusively self-injure.

Then, there is the part of family/friends not knowing anything at all is going on. *shrugs*

So...I would like to go, I think it would help...I just don't see it as a viable option at this point. :/

Also: Thanks for replying Rapunzel and Ozzie...didn't mean to leave you out



<font color=purple>Pain can indeed be a beautiful thing</font color=purple>