what is rape?

I need to ask a dumb question. What would you consider rape if a child was involved? I guess my question is specifically is it rape if the adult is somewhat violent with it, even though you arent refusing?

Rape is Rape... Anytime you put the word "child" in there it is rape - that includes teen years.. that is my opinion.

I agree with freewill-- it is rape, no matter what- if a child is involved.

was watching the news a few weeks ago(don't usually watch much news -- too upsetting)..... they reported on a man and a 13 year old girl having "sexual relations"-- oh, that made me angry--- HE thought HE was having sexual relations with her-- a child-- but it's RAPE-- plain and simple!!

When is society going to see that any adult using a child in a sexual manner --
is Rape.

..... not getting upset with you esthersvirtue or anyone here at PC-- just get upset with some things out in the world.....

Your question was not dumb.... you're probably confused and that's understandable with the way the society is and the culture in which we live in....

***edited to add "trigger" icon ****
mandy

((((((((((( EV ))))))))))))

I would say it's rape with a child... even if the child isn't resisting... because the child isn't fully aware of all of the implications... whereas the adult is.

having sex with a child is worse than rape......it's abuse, in it's cruelest form for the child. it never, ever goes away......ever.........

it is abuse of a child's body, a taking of the child's very soul (not of an inner sense) - the very inner being of a child..

at 12,13,14,15 - it is also sets the tone for future relationships.. or any age at that matter...

so someone that rapes a child - should have is "soul" wrenched out..

anyone having sexual contact with a child or teen under the age of consent is rape, the child has NO idea what is happening

Hi esthersvirtue,

This subject always makes my heart sink. I agree with everyone here. A child does not no any more than what an adult is saying or doing to them. It’s flat out rape and abuse. I also agree that being raped or even harassed as a teenager does just as much damage. I still have issues and confusion around whether or not it was my fault that a 48 year old man groped me when I was 17. It wasn’t even rape yet still so damaging to a developing mind. So I believe that ANYTHING sexual between an adult and child is abusive towards the child. And your question isn’t a dumb one. If only more people spoke up and asked more questions... maybe the world wouldn’t be left with so many scars.

Hugs. ~ Bee

Thanks everyone. I think i was trying to distinguish between what is rape as a child, and what is abuse as a child. For example..if its involving someone you know (family), and they are violent, but you don't resist, I know they are accountible, but is that abuse/ or rape?

Sorry. Im not being so clear.

Hi Esthersvirtue,

I guess from my perspective, when somebody hurts a child sexually, it is both things at one time - both rape *and* abuse. I think it is very rare for a child to try to refuse the sexual contact from an adult - most children are far too frightened to do so, I think, in addition to not understanding what is happening. The other hard thing is that even when a child does try to say "no," I suspect it has little effect, because the adults are in power - which is why it is both rape and abuse. I wish it weren't so, and these things didn't occur in the first place...to anybody....it's such a difficult thing. :-( Furthermore, it is the adult's responsibility to behave in kindness and to respect the child's body, and not do such things to the child in the first place.

My caring thoughts go out to all who are affected by sexual abuse in their histories. I know it's a very difficult and painful thing.

Take care,
ErinBear

Hi

I think it's all semantics. It is rape and it is abuse. Abuse comes in many forms, physical, mental, sexual. Sexual abuse is rape and rape is sexual abuse.

Tranquility

IMHO taking advantage of a child by any form of abuse is rape, because they (the perp) are taking away the innocence of that child
"Tying a child to a tree as a form of punishment was (rape) bondage, chaining the child to a metal swing set was (rape) bondage and traumatic, these happened to us.

(((safe hugs)))

Nowhere in the definition of rape or abuse/neglect is the term "non resistance" included. Resistance is a non issue regarding a such a definition.

Resistance or not: that belongs under doing what is necessary to survive, whether conscious thought or not.

This issue is often raised when someone is trying to come to grips with blame or shame, imo: the core issue.
When something is done to a child that is harmful, it doesn't matter whether the child did anything wrong, or resisted or not etc., it is abuse. Harm comes in the forms of sexual, emotional, physical abuse, and also neglect. (Even not buckling a child in a car, with a seatbelt, is neglect.)

No child has the understanding nor the capability to counter someone who has rule over them, is bigger than they are, or has them intimidated. No child. And, to me, you are a child until you're 21.

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esthersvirtue said:
For example..if its involving someone you know (family), and they are violent, but you don't resist, I know they are accountible, but is that abuse/ or rape?

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Hi esthersvirtue,

I’m wondering if you are referring to physical abuse without any sexual stuff involved. If you are, in my eyes that would be called child abuse. If someone in the family is violent towards a child by hitting, kicking, restraining, throwing, etc... that is child abuse even if the child does not resist. To me, rape is when anything sexual is involved. Whether it’s violent or not and whether the child resists or not, a family member who’s doing sexual acts with a child is called both child sexual abuse and rape. I’m just trying to understand your question a little better but if this isn’t what you were looking for... just ignore.

Hugs. ~ Bee

Thank you all forr the comments.

I guess I've not looked at some things as rape b/c it was sorta acted on the person. I mean in shows you see a person screaming or resisting, so I thought that violence without resisting isnt rape. I understand it may be semantics for many of you... it just has some meaning for me.

I mean violence with sex involved but you dont resist. is that rape? It sounds like you are saying yes if its a child. Sorry for asking all the questions. I'm not sure why its important to me right now. Thank you for your answers.

Hi Esthersvirtue,

To me, yes, it's still rape when a child is involved, and also possibly if the same situation happened with an adult. There are many situations in which an adult can be approached in a violent way, sexually - and not resist for many reasons, including fear - and it would also still be rape. I believe a healthy sexual encounter would be between two consenting adults. Something other than that is rape or sexual assault, regardless of the age of the victims...whether they are adults or children, I believe.

Thinking of you - take good care of you.

Take care,
ErinBear

I just love the way it was explained to me after it happened
over and over again.....it's not rape(of the mind) it's an Italian
father teaching his daughter about SEX. WHAT? as the caveman would ask on t.v.!!!! There's only one problem with that I WASN'T HIS DAUGHTER!!!
So many things I had to carry for so long and deal with ALONE, because I thought the "monster" couldn't DIE?
Hah! God took him...............finally.
We don't live in a "compassionate" caring world. Unfortunately, those of us who get molested, raped, or the like are left to field those emotions by ourselves. No one can erase them, but often IGNORE them. Like it's going to go away? Pedaphiles? There's a CURE for that.....unfortunately it's ILLEGAL!!! But it works.
I don't care what your age is, if the situation is already frail and sad, for someone to come in and take ADVANTAGE of that should be hauled off and SHOT!!!!
I rest my case.

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esthersvirtue said:
What would you consider rape if a child was involved? I guess my question is specifically is it rape if the adult is somewhat violent with it, even though you arent refusing?

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This has really made me think. I had never thought of sexual abuse as rape before- and when I questioned why I hadn't I guess it is because the term 'rape' is usually used when police are involved and the offender is convicted. But as everyone else has said rape=sexual abuse. It IS the same thing. With anyone below the age of consent whether they are aware of what is happening or not in the legal system it is rape. And for anyone of any age, in a relationship with the other person or not, if they do not consent to any part of the act then that is also deemed rape. Don't know if this has helped in any way but has helped me clarify things in my own mind (((EV)))

Irishsj:
After it happened to me, I never even considered it molestation, as I thought it had to be penetration for that. I didn't tell anyone as I didn't know what to call it. Someone told me, oh he just made a pass at you, it's not rape/molesting. He just hit on you. Then why tell me if I told my mom that he'd "kill" her right in front of me, if that was the case????
This man, my mom's b.f. at the time, was violent as they come. He was just plain MEAN I thought. He use to knock the crap out of her continually if she didn't OBEY his command. Bulloney on that. I use to tell him, in my head, if he ever touched her again I'd kill him. But I didn't. I couldn't. I was too afraid. I didn't tell my father either. He would have killed both of them, but he'd have shot my mother FIRST!!! Sometimes these kinds of things happening in your life can leave permanent stigmas that never go away.

((((((drummergrl & irishj)))))))))

((((((((((((((((((((((((((everybody))))))))))))))))))))))))))))
*pulls mean face at mean ppl*
what i wanna know is what the hell motivates these sickminded cruel human beings? really, what the hell happened to empathy and normal human decency? why do we have to put up with this, how can humans be so cruel to one another that they CHOOSE to molest/grope/rape/abuse someone? fully knowing that they are ripping the life and soul out of that person. what makes them so special that they can do that? absolutely nothing! i think they should be shot. the pure fact that people can do some of the things i have heard of happeningto my friends here disgusts me. you have no idea of how many swear words i have had to retype here..... yeesh! there is no other species of creature that does this! if we are so great then how come we harm our own race for little pleasures, that you can get perfectly innocentley? (well some you cant get innocentley) GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
sorry rant over...
take care all and wishing and praying in my heart that you find some sort of solace
self

(((((((((selfy))))))))))

Esthersvirture - I think we have a lot in common. I struggle with this myself. I don't know & if you don't resist and you are an adult is it the four letter word I cannot type? I mean they know you don't want to - they know they are hurting you, if you cry it gets worse so you don't cry. You do exactly what you are told - why because if not it is beyond brutal. But I stayed and it went on and on for years and years why - I didn't know how to leave & isn't this how it always is - even though you are an adult now this is what is like as a child too. I don't know, I just don't know... I allowed it - in the beginning I said I didn't want to and I didn't like it but it made it worse so I learned to shut up and pray I didn't die. But alas I stayed - so is it my fault???? Sometimes I am sorry I exist.

((((((purple))))))))))

Im so sorry you are struggling with this. I feel how painful it is for you. Please pm me if you need to talk. i'm hoping u feel better