Thanksgiving

I wish I could just skip the holidays. I hated as a child being home from school. I don't have good memories of Thanksgiving. Our family wasn't about giving thanks and love. It was about hurt. My entire life was about trying to please my parents. Trying to get them to like me. I was never able to suceed. They are gone now.

My brother and his wife live in my childhood home. They have invited me over for Thanksgiving. I can't go. That's where my abuse was. I get shaky thinking about it. They don't know I'm dealing with this in therapy. My brother was a momma's boy 6 years older than me. My sister in law is an alcoholic. I'm in recovery. She won't even not drink when I'm there. The alcohol is more important. They don't understand me at all.

I've always done what others wanted me to do. If I don't go to family's house then they will say I'm ditching the family. I do love my family, but I can't go to that house. I can't tell them why I can't go to that house because what happened to me did not happen to my brother and he may not believe it and I don't want to argue with them and my family loves to argue. That's what we were taught.

If I stay home alone, I will be depressed because I never had a loving family. Nobody to show me how to love or be loved.

I'm thinking of going to a girlfriend's house who will accept me the way I am. She will not drink around me. She will make me feel good.

I've never done what I've wanted to do, what will make me comfortable.

So many changes. It's like an entire different life.

Maybe we should have a Psych Central Thanksgiving party...

Go to the girlfriend's house and tell the brother it was already planned. I'm glad you have such a friend and don't have to stay home alone.

i second the motion. I just posted a long rant in DID not knowing where else to post about yet another argument with my fam last night. When i 'grow up' maybe i'll create an actual gathering place (in the physical) for people to come for the holidays who HATE them and can't deal with their families. It's pyhsical location would not be posted anywhere so no 'un-wanted' (angry family members) could show up there.
I am trying to find a place to go to get away. I live with my mom at the moment for finantial needs and have no where else to go - or even a means of moving out. I can't even see a time when i can move out in the future. Hmmmmmmmm.... ive had an inspiration - maybe my friend will go to her boyfriends' house and i can go to hers... i'll have to call her. then mom can do whatever the *%&$ she wants.

Raceka, I completely understand your struggles with the holidays. When I was growing up the holidays were filled with abuse. At one point in time, my friend and I would literally leave the country--take a holiday.

I still struggle with holidays, but it is getting better. I have a "second" family (long story) that I love very much. This set of parents are very loving and they go out of their way to make the holidays good for me. I am one of the lucky ones. As hard as it is for me, I am trying real hard to look at the positive...but, overall, I would still just rather be at home alone.

Please know you are not alone...

I was going to stay home alone, but I'm not feeling safe about that decision. I'm having flashbacks of past Thanksgivings. Thanksgiving is about family and giving thanks, love. My family isn't about any of that.

I talked to my girlfriend last night and I'm going over there. This will be the first time I will do what I want to do, not what they want me to do.

I was in tears already this morning. I see my T later today, so I will be able to work some of this out with him.

I do have to remember I'm not alone.

Thanks.

yay for breaking the pattern!
i still don't know what i'm going to do yet.... i'm being indecisive.