ok here goes...

its stupid but all i could think when they said this in the hosp. was ' no more soccer' ..
I just hate this.. Just this one thing im good at, one thing i really love and that gets taken away also
when are things gonna go my way for once?
What's next?



Blue

((((blue)))))

<font color="purple">
I would adopt you and your brother...
...if I wasn't 16
Of course, you would both have to move to the US.
I think once you've completely healed physicaly you could still be able to play soccer...I mean, even if you do end up being blind in one eye you can still see! I just wish there was some way that I could help...</font>

Of course I can still play soccer...
But not in a team not really
I don't even have a team atm ... what team would take a kid thats half blind..
and I wont be able to play on the level i used to play at thats for sure
It just sucks

I hadnt told them about the s.abuse yet and that they used to have the other people over too sometimes. But now ss asked questions about that too but I couldnt talk about.
But ment more tests and more questions to come too.
I dont wanna talk to these people anymore
just leave me alone you know

Blue

<font color="purple">Well, you never know, you could still play on the same level if it's something you really work hard at and focus on. There is actualy a man around where I live who went COMPLETELY blind after a car accident, and he is one of the best archers. </font>

maybe... what is an archer?

<font color="purple">An archer is someone who uses a bow and arrow, basicly they give him a bow and arrow, and they have a special target that makes a beeping sound (so he can still aim for the target without being able to see it) and well, that's pretty much it, from that much alone he can still shoot at a target perfectly (I think he even won a medal in the special olympics)

...Or you could just cover up your one good eye and play Blind Soccer (which...by the way...looks really cool)
</font>

According to the BBC, the ball "contains small pieces of metal so that the players can hear it." Our favorite part, though, is that the crowd is "expected to keep its excitement to a minimum," which,

considering the players are blind and the game is soccer, shouldn't be too difficult. (Sorry.)

GASP - insulting soccer there ? hmpf (lol)

<font color="purple">At least he said sorry?
For the record, soccer, gymnastics, and winter sports are the only sports that I can watch without them boring me to tears lol. </font>

kaika - you mean you can't watch golf?!?! lol. I don't think anyone can ever truly be interested in golf lol

blue - maybe this will give you an opportunity to find another outlet. I used to play softball for quit a while. Then when I was in middle school it was no fun anymore. Parents were more into it than the kids and took it too seriously. It wasnt for the fun of it anymore, parents were pushing their kids too hard. Then I started playing guitar and also taught myself how to play the piano. Would you be able to do anything like that?

yeah maybe
just soccer has always been my passion i guess

(((((((blue)))))))))
see what you can find to do
hopefully something will help
tc
muffy

((((((((((((((((blue))))))))))))))))))

went to the hosp today
and they took of the eye .. thing i had been wearing over my eye for the past week
And still couldnt see anything so that was a sign to me already of course
They looked at it some more. Let us wait some then.
But I was already dreading the answer.
blind. And they said they couldnt do anything about it.
Cause I'd need a whole new eye you know? and thats not possible or something...
Cause the fluids have had a long time to get into the eye to much was damaged.. and they can't repair it
So then i stopped listening.. Not sure if they said more
GR5R#|$%$FDRTRE$%

aw blue.... sorry to hear this of course.... man.... look for silver linings.... your humor is excellent tho, your anger and pain are understandable...

this bites man..... the others mentioned some great ideas.... its a turn in the road blue, youve got good heart.... let it lead you to the next best thing....

take care....

i apreciate everyone trying to cheer me up and stuff
but I dont want to hear it will be ok
i dont wanna do the next best thing whatever that may be
I don't want to hear cheer up you can 'still' see with your other eye
I don't want to hear things happen for a reason or whatever
It sucks
it hurts
it is the next thing in a long row of things..
whats next ya know?
it just hurts so bad

blue

well blue.... unless you take charge, there's little else we can do for you...... face it... sorry we cant do better.....

(((Blue)))))

best wishes (((blue)))) take care....

i know its up to me what im gonna do with this
i know you can't fix it or whatever
Im not asking for sympathy
I know life goes on
but its just to much right now

i keep having these nightmares of going totally blind lately... they freak me out so much..
And i saw one of them.. abusers... in neighbourhood sunday
I dont like that they are still around
I cant help but feel like it will all just start over again when we move homes again
im sorry
cant feel ok or somewhat ok since forever it seems

blue

((((((((((((((((blue)))))))))))))))

you are such a brave person
what a read
im praying this real nightmare of yours will soon be over

thanks
i just.. i dont know what to do anymore
its just so hard sometimes
awfull feeling like ill never be happy again or even somewhat ok
its wearing me down
all the nightmares and flashbacks and panicattacks
if it werent for my brother
id rather step out of this life yesterday then tomorrow
im sorry
but its just to much

Blue

its just so hard to get out of bed lately
to go to school and smile and talk to people
and pretend i'm doin ok
Well i dont got a choice but to get up and go to school
but i dont know
how can it be that even though it's all in the 'past' now
i don't feel any better
worse probably
and it doesnt feel like its in the past.. not really
with these nightmares and flashbacks and headaches and panicattacks and general feeling blah...
i dunno ss said i should talk to a counselor
well they've been saying that forever but
how can i go see one if we're not even sure of where we live next month or week even...
and what do you say there... I can't talk about this more..
i dunno i just... I feel sad/scared/empty/..etc all the time but i dunno what to do anymore

blue

Are you still with the foster family that was/is abusing you? Keep fighting Blue. We all care so much even if I say dumb things I am sorry, I do care. Keep fighting!