Responsibility to my Dad~ may trigger

For about thirteen years now I started being a part time caregiver to my dad. in the last ten though its gradually became more. More duties were put upon me. Part of my responsibility to him include paying his bills , helping him at home , getting suppers and soon it will be all meals into him, and he has rental properties that I have to look after also.One of those homes was my Grandparents home. Recently our renter bought a home , and I am in the process now of having to find a new one . I went to the home today. Knowing full well what happened there. I had asked my husband to go with me but he was to busy watching a movie and couldnt be bothered. He knew I needed his support, but thats all water under the bridge now. I walked in the house , to the kitchen . I remembered good things there. Grandma and my brother and me would make cookies and pies with her there. I think we had more fun eating them than making them .then I turned to the right and went into the living room , I remembered my grandpas chair by the small window. And how I would sit on his arm chair and put my arm around him and hug him. I looked on the other side of the living room, to the bedroom doors. I felt almost scared to go there. But I had the responsibility to look things over. As I took each step closer, I felt tears welling up. I was shaking and scared. I knew my brother wasnt there to hurt me. I knew my Gma wasnt there to put us in the same bed together to sleep . I dont know why to this day that she didnt let me sleep in the other room. I hate her for that. She had it in for my mom ever since she came into the picture. And that is what makes me think she did this for in a way . To get my mom back for taking her place after my dads first wife died and mom took over the home then . Grandma liked being in control of things . But anyways, I went in the room and I got out of there as soon as I could.I couldnt handle it. I remembered the abuse, my brother making me do things to him , and him to me. I wish I had someone there with me . I needed someone to tell me it was ok while this happened. Will I ever be over this? Will it ever stop having control over me , my life? I hate my responsibilities to my dad because of this. I can barely stand to be there in that home and now I have to show it to potential renters this week. How in the world am I supposed to do this?I havent had to show that place for 8 years now and that was a great relief to me. It has caused me to cut tonight too. Ohh help me please to get thru this week.

Tryin

((((((((((Tryin)))))))))))

I'm so sorry you had to go throught that...especially alone. I'm sorry your husband isn't more supportive. Can you have a friend go with you? Or at least talk to one your cell phone?

Also, what about renting the place through a realtor? We found the house we rented in WV through a realtor. It would be worth calling and seeing if they can take care of the showing for you.

You're in my thoughts. Be safe.

Is there anyway you could just sell it and help get it out of your life
Angie

((((((( 1Day))))))))
I dont have any friends really available at all times to go with me. I did end up calling a friend yesterday before I headed home. It was a comfort to me.

My dad wont hear of doing much of anything thru a realtor. He doesnt want to sell the house. All his rentals are to be rented out even after he passes away. This will be an ongoing responsibility for me until my oldest sister turns 75. Dont ask me why its just how he wants it.I have 15 more years of this to go for that . He is a doit yourself type of person. Its hard. Its hard trying to keep things up like he would have. I want to quit but I dont know who would do it for him since none of my brothers and sisters even want to help him now. I'm just feeling lost in so many ways here. Thanks for your suggestions though . They are very good ones. Just not acceptable to my dad. I know better than to ask him. Take care~

Tryin

((((((( ANGIE))))))) Thanks hon for the suggestion. I pretty much answered this question above . I am sorry. I wish I could do this. I prolly have the ability to, but I dont want to cross my dad either. It can be rather intimidating and painful at times. And I do fear his rejection which is something I had happen when I told him about my abuse. It stems from that. I just fear putting myself in any position that will make that happen again.

Tryin

Wow, things sound so difficult for you ... i wish i could have been with you when you were in the house, to help you feel safe...

Is there any possibility that you could hire somebody to take care of the rental properties for you? i do not know anything about this lol, but maybe there are people around who can attend to your dad's wishes of renting out the property so you don't have to do it. maybe that is what realtors do lol. anyway, if such people exist and your dad agrees and doesnt mind paying for it, maybe that could be your solution.

Hee hee Silver that is what we have been talking about here. I wouldnt be making my dad a happy camper if I got someone else to take care of this. That is part of what is making this so difficult. Thanks for your thoughts , I really appreciate that you would want to be there for me like this. You are a very kind and special lady with a wonderful heart.

Tryin

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I wouldnt be making my dad a happy camper if I got someone else to take care of this.

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Ummm...may I suggest...don't tell him. If he asks, tell him its taken care of etc. You don't have to say who. I'm not saying lie...I'm saying...don't tell him. Simply omit that part. Know what I mean.

We can help you Tryin...keep giving us feedback, we'll figure something out.

Well usually when I do that , he figures out I am keeping something from him. I dont think that would work. I am showing the house again tonight at 7:30. I just hope I can get it rented and get it over with soon. The problem is I have to be really careful with what kind of renters I choose too so that doesnt come back on me and bite me too. Thanks for the suggestion again ... It is appreciated. I just cant follow thru on it. Sorry.

Tryin

youre a strong person to be able to care for your dad the way you do.
do you think everything happens for a reason? i do.... maybe this is nature/ fate/ or god's way of bringing you through something difficult... so you can overcome it. maybe nature/ fate/ god knows you would never face it voluntarily... so here it is... for you to face....
you can get through it.... two steps forward, one step back, two more steps forward...you know the routine.

A couple of weeks ago, we closed on the sale of our the home I had shared w/my abusive husband for 10 years. That home had been bought w/such hope (on my part) that it would become a happy place and that we'd be there until we were old and gray. But instead, it was where the worst abuse occurred and it was the home that the children and I fled from in July. Even though a realtor handled showings, I still had to go in from time to time and I so relate to your feelings of panic, pain, remembrance triggers etc...I would sometimes feel like I couldn't breathe when I walked in that place. And outwardly, it's such a beautiful house, but for me...just a reminder of a nightmare. If its possible and if you can come to an agreement w/your father...you might want to initiate discussion of unloading those properties....point out to him that if anything should happen to prevent you from being able to handle his care, he needs to have a ready resource. It might just be the best financial (and emotional) move that you could make....love to you!
grace

HI Cotton,

Yeah I know that routine but I think it goes one step forward two steps back for me it seems > WAAAAA lol. For the most part I do think like you do that things happen for a reason. I WANT THE ANSWERS THOUGH !! Right away too! LOL. Thats what I find so Eerrrrrrrrrrrr frustrating about things! LOL. Thanks for your understanding also. Take care Cotton.

Hugz~
Tryin

Hi McDonald,
I think in my heart of hearts here I have to carry on with this. He depends on me so much. There is another family member that is co-dpoa for him , but this person is too busy with their life to pay attention to Dad and his needs. So technically I should have a back up , but realistically I dont. I have 3 brothers and 3 sisters but none lift a hand to help , except when they see I have gotten behind on a bit of housework there , then they may wash the dishes or something like that. Nothing more though. Thats like maybe once or twice a year that may happen. I'm not sure how much time he has left. He is failing in health so bad. I am not wishiing for it , please dont get me wrong. But once it does happen , I think I may wash my hands of it all. Leave it up to the Jones's so to speak. I just want him to have the peace of mind he never gave me when I told him of my abuse. Idont want to have him feeling that rejection I suppose. He's the only parent I have left, I still need to treat him with love and respect as much as I can while I can. To me , I guess that is the right thing to do. Thanks for your suggestions though. I do appreciate them. Take care Grace~

Hugz
Tryin

I am so happy to announce that I made my decision on a renter for my dads rental house! Its a nice coulple who I am sure will see to it that the house is kept nice and will respect it. I still need to find a repair guy to work on the bathroom but other than that its good to go again! YAY!! There is one thing that is checked off my list now and not having to worry about it!. Sorry this is but I thought that since it was related to this thread it would be ok here if it needs moved by all means go ahead. Thanks for your support everyone~

Hugz~
Tryin

lol, how can you go off-topic in your own thread? You can decide the course of it lol. It's great to hear that you got the renting business out of the way. I know it was causing you a lot of anxiety and distress. At least you dont have to worry about it anymore.

I'm happy things are starting to fall in line.