They were not boys nor were they men. They were perverse sickos who got off on terrorizing and abusing an eighth grade girl. GIRL! Child in fact.

I fail to understand why this occurs. I fail to understand how one human can beat, rape and humiliate another. I fail to understand why life is this way.

I fail to understand why children are left to live through such horrors.

I failed.

(((((((((((((zh)))))))))))))))))

I'm so sorry for the pain that you are feeling and that they caused you. You are a great and compassionate person despite all they did to you. and thank you for being that person of strength and love.

[kimmydawn]

(((((((((((((((((((((( zh )))))))))))))))))))))))))

[Fuzzybear]

I am so sorry that you went through this. I don't understand either
((((((((((((((((((((zh))))))))))))))))))))

[phoenix30]

I'm so sorry. It's an awful world we live in with some truly awful people. But fortunately, some who are pretty damn wonderful.

(((((((zh)))))))

[silver_queen]

(((((((((((((((((((((((((zh)))))))))))))))))))))))))))

[jmo531]

(((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((ZH)))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))

I am so sorry for the pain you are feeling.

[mj14]

zh, I am so sorry for your pain. I removed the names from the title of this post and the replies...if this is not the change you would like, let me know, and I will fix it.

{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{zh}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}

Jo

zh, I've often wondered these same things myself. There seems to be no explanation that I can find. You are amazingly compasionate and caring. I wish you well and hope that these terrible feelings, and believe me I know they are terrible, will soon pass. Be safe.

May lotus blossoms grow in your very footsteps. Bless you for changing that. Another great feature of diss. is often 'waking up' to things that *you* do not remember.

For me it is very odd as I usually cannot remember both names at once. I can remember one or the other but very unusual to have both names together.

Thank you mj for helping out here. I was overly triggered when I opened up the forum the other day and saw this post. I very much appreciate the understanding nature of the mods to edit when necessary.

At first I wanted to erase the thread but then realized it would invalidate the responses ppl have been kind enough to post and I didn't want to insult them by erasing their contributions. Thank you for saving the integrity of this thread and removing the neon lit names.

I will put them into the body of a post so that way I'd have to open the thread to see.

Again, mucho thanks. Knowing that y'all here help protect my safety---even when I'm the one endangering it----is a blessing.

Thank you Ryan for the good wishes. Fortunately I'm not always triggered by the names but this past week has been a very disjointed one and I guess out of that confusion I don't always get to play censor on what comes out. In fact it is like seeing your handwriting and knowing it is yours but being baffled by the content of the writing. Or like hearing a tape of your own voice but being perplexed by the content of the speech on that tape.

The only explanation I can live with is the world is filled with people raised on a culture of violence and disrespect for children and women. I cannot wrap my head around the idea that some sick a$$hole would find torturing and beating a child for sex a 'good time'.

No matter how many years I've spent examining this I cannot make sense of it.

Thank you jmo531. I'm always surprised to see posts I can't remember making with such kind responses. Thank you for your compassion. Knowing I do not have to walk this path alone does offer small comfort. I'm sure when I'm feeling a bit better that comfort will grow and help give me strength for continuing this path.

Thanks again jmo.

Sweet silver..............how is it you have such a huge heart and yet you still have your own woes?! It just isn't fair! You're a kind, beautiful soul who just needn't have mental illness in her life to contend with. That's how it would be if I ran the world! Plus I'd move you somewhere you could have lots of animals like those cuties in your pics.

Thank you for your continued support and compassion. Bless you dear. (((silver)))

</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
It's an awful world we live in with some truly awful people. But fortunately, some who are pretty damn wonderful.

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post"> You are so correct phoenix30. This world does have its share of the truly awful but your reminder that some are pretty damn wonderful is ever so true. Some ppl here are fanfreakintastic! Thanks for being one of the fft (fan-freakin-tastic) ppl around!

to my dear messenger of help,

THANK YOU!!! thank you for letting me know that I had options regarding this post/thread. It freaked me out and knowing that a mod in this forum could help edit it was like lifting the weight of the world off my shoulders. Bless you for that.

so m'dear Fuzzette........you rest up and take good care of the bear. Thank you for offering up such concentrated help in this situation. I'm very fortunate to know someone so fuzzy and bearish.

I don't think there really is any answer that could help us understand. I just want to work in this world making it safer for children to grow up w/o this type of horror entering their innocent lives.

Thank you kimmydawn for the hugs. I know you've been dealing with quite a bit lately so I really appreciate the kindness offered up here. Thank you for understanding what few can. (((kd))) Thanks sugar.

Oh ev! You're gonna make me cry! I've spent so many years wishing I were dead instead of being alive to live in such pain. I spent so many years wishing they had killed me that night instead of leaving me with decades of hell to work through.

When I read something like **you are a great and compassionate person despite all they did to you** that makes me stop and think..........and in doing that I realize how distorted my thinking gets around this. I do NOT deserve to die because I survived. I do NOT deserve to suffer because I endured a night of absolute horror...twice. I DO deserve to know that I am worthy and compassionate and I do not need to prove my worth to anyone---------especially myself!

Thank you for the reminder that I am part of this and not a helpless sideline observer. You're most kind yourself sweet (((ev)))

</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
They were not boys nor were they men. They were perverse sickos who got off on terrorizing and abusing an eighth grade girl. GIRL! Child in fact.

I fail to understand why this occurs. I fail to understand how one human can beat, rape and humiliate another. I fail to understand why life is this way.

I fail to understand why children are left to live through such horrors.

I failed.

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post"> Max and Curtis. One of you is already dead. I can only wonder what became of the other sick bastard who liked to prey on children for kicks. Your lives ceased to be worth anything the second you took away the innocence of a child. I KNOW I wasn't the first for either of you bastards and I KNOW that you two went on to terrorize other females/children. I also KNOW that whatever way your time is up is appropriate for fu**ing sick pigs like yourselves.

I hope you experince pain and terror just like you put into my life so many years ago. I wish for you a prolonged painful death drawn out and drifting back and forth from the edge of death...........you won't escape this world w/o answering for your evils. I know one of you died in a terrible way so the remaining rapist has all this to look forward to. You will die and you will be alone to suffer. Just like you each left me........beaten, used, terrified and alone.

Max and Curtis. People know of your evils. You'll never walk around the area again w/o ppl knowing what you've done. It is a small world in many ways and I do believe in karma.

[kimmydawn]

((((((((((((((((((((((((((( zh )))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))

have i told you lately how special you are to me?

love,
kd

[ktp]

(((((((((((((((((ZH)))))))))))))))))))))

I admire your strength and your courage. You are a very special person.

Many blessings,
Kimberly.

[wisewoman]

Strength in re-claiming your life and your power! Wow. You doin good hun!

hey! you're cool. you're good. you're warm. you're affectionate. you're level. you're funny. you're supportive. you're smart and doggone it, people like you. xoxox pat

</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
have i told you lately how special you are to me?

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post"> you just did

thank you kd. thank you for getting what nobody should ever have to understand.

You think I'm strong?? Girl! You're the one who kicked the habit and is doing a fabulous job as an ex smoker!! You rule!!

Thank you for the blessings as I could use as much help on this path as possible.

You're specialer (more special just doesn't work the same )

Thank you wisewoman. This isn't the focus of my tx often as there are more pressing matter usually. So for me to post this (some part of me) was strange for even me.

Thank you for helping me to see it is a reclamation of power and my life.

I'm only doin' good because I have an incredible array of support here with such good diverse opinions. Couldn't be doing this w/o the help of y'all.