What's the worst part about being single? How do you cope being alone.

To any of you single women on here, here are a few of mine. I'd like to hear from others:

sleeping alone

eating alone ( I love to cook, but sometimes I don't want to for just me)

not having anyone to come home to, no one there to talk to if you need someone. Married people have someone 24/7, but even single people need someone to talk to too.

no affection( giving or receiving, no intimacy) I'm a very affectionate person, so this one hurts.

I'm quite happy single. I don't make a big fuss over "oh, poor me. I'm so alone".

Worst part would be the lack of friendship. I don't have many friends and no one I can share how my day went and how I feel.

The worst part of being a single woman is weed eating and handy man stuff. I'm okay hiring yard work but I am paranoid about letting people in my house to fix stuff.

OUCH! My feminist sensibilities have just been smacked! There's nothing wrong with being single. I'm not right now, but I love the single life, the freedom!

I don't do yard work and "handy man stuff," but I hate that we still see that as a man's role. We're women and we deserve equality. That means we've got to be able to so some stereotypical men's stuff (or hire someone to do it--and you can hire a woman to do it, if there are any in your area). I'm not saying hire a woman over a man, I just want to encourage women to find their own strengths.

Not having anyone to talk about my feeling, my weird imagination or just about my day in general and someone to fight/argue or someone i can annoy when iam bored/hyper, its always nice to have someone to talk to about everything or ask and listening about my day

the worst thing for me being alone is not having anyone to reach things which have been put out of my reach by part time carers

the next is i really miss having a warm chest to snuggle against for a hug. a hot water bottle inside a teddy just doesn't hit the mark!

then there is not having anyone to talk to, to share good times with, to bounce ideas off, to reassure me that what i am planning is the right thing to do etc.

how do i cope... good question, i think things through thoroughly before deciding on anything, i have a couple of male friends who are great at giving hugs when i ask for one, and i have learnt to ask for help/advice when needed. if all else fails i rid my frustrations in poetry

Are you newly single, and is that why you aren't comfortable with it? I know I was married and with my husband for 10 years and when I was first divorced I was incredibly miserable, for the exact reasons you stated.

Finally, after 3 years, and after dating here and there...I am finally happy with where I am right now. I have my hobbies, my dog, and I have found out how to relax and process my day on my own. I walk my dog right after I get home and that's a stress reliever for me...and really sets the tone for a relaxing evening.

Anyhow, I know what you mean though. My parents have been married for over 40 years and I think my mom truly believes I am lonely (or she would be lonely if she were me), but I'm not. I do have my moments but still. Overall, I'm happy doing my own thing.

And by the way, I LOVE gardening and yard work- I actually go to my parents on the weekend to visit just so I can get in my outdoor time

i been single for almost 10 years since my partner passed away, i still miss a warm muscular chest to snuggle into for a hug now and then.
time makes little diference in what you miss about having a partner around. that said i really do not miss being kept awake by his snoring or the toe nails in the bath, or the mess he used to make, so being single not only has a doiwn side it has an up side too.

[quote=Deborah35;3043239]To any of you single women on here, here are a few of mine. I'd like to hear from others:

sleeping alone - get a heated underblanket and a hugable size teddy

eating alone ( I love to cook, but sometimes I don't want to for just me) - yeah this sucks but i tend to cook 4 pieces of chicken in individual pots with different 'addatives' ( like garlic and mushroom or mixed herbs or chinese seasoning etc) all in the oven at the same time, then have one that night and reheat the others as i want them in the microwave so i do not spend hours in the kitchen every night. oh another way is if you have a single friend close by try having a me then you schedule where you cook for both of you one time then you friend does the cooking the next time.

not having anyone to come home to, no one there to talk to if you need someone. Married people have someone 24/7, but even single people need someone to talk to too. - when my partner had just passed away, i hated and i mean really hated going home especially into the living room because his favourite chair looked and was so empty, so i bought a 4ft teddy and sat it in the chair, suddenly the room did not feel empty anymore, he sat ther for a few years until i finally felt ok and strong enough to relegate him to the spare bedroom. I may be sad but i still talk to my teddy or my gerbils, though sometimes you do still need a human to respond or give a different perspective and that is where this site comes in useful. talking to yourself is not that bad, at least you know you are listening, understand what you are going on about and give the answers you want to hear too!

no affection( giving or receiving, no intimacy) I'm a very affectionate person, so this one hurts. - two options hug a teddy or get a dog!

Doggiedo,

I guess to each his own.

I have a cat, but realistically, I'd prefer an actual human being to snuggle with. The other thing is I don't know anything really about cars, so if something goes wrong, I don't have someone to help me out. Of course that's not the only reason to want a man is to fix things.

I have a neighbor next to me, but all he does is brag on what food he has in his refrigerator/freezer, or what meat deal he got at the grocery store. Not kidding here.

He keeps saying he wants to have me over for a meal, but it hasn't happened yet, and this is 3 and 1/2 years later. I'd offer to have him over, but I can't get him to come over for nothing, and he lives right in the next apt building than me.

Well, there's always the boyfriend pillow as a last resort, just kidding. Supposedly, it's supposed to feel like a real man when you snuggle up to it.

Maven, thanks for your comment about feminist sensibilities. I ENJOY doing "male" things like fixing things, working in the yard etc. OK, maybe I don't enjoy all of it. Two days spent with no water while I tried to fix the pump for my well was no dang fun. BUT, I've always enjoyed working outside.

Deborah35, I've been single for almost 13 years since my husband was killed. For the most part I enjoy it. I like the freedom of coming and going when I want. I have a high stress job that entails working with people all day. I absolutely love driving up to my front gate at night and knowing I don't have to deal with another human being until the next day. Of the things you specifically mentioned...

-sleeping alone- oh the glory of not having to share the bed anymore! I can sprawl in the middle of the bed if I want. My husband was a bed hog. I frequently spent the night trying to sleep balanced on a thin sliver of the edge of the bed. NO MORE! Ok, every once in awhile I miss having a warm body to snuggle up against in the night. I have a stuffed cat plus four real cats who sleep with me. Not quite the same, but close.

- eating alone - is one of the perks of being single as far as I'm concerned. I can eat what I want, when I want. If I want a bowl of cold cereal for dinner ain't no one to fuss at me about it. I do understand about not wanting to cook for one person some nights. And I do like to cook - sometimes. I have a couple of solutions. I'll spend some time cooking on Sunday and make enough to eat during the week. I eat healthy frozen dinners. and I eat out a couple of times a week.

- not having someone to come home to - this is a mixed bag for me, but primarily one of the things I like about being single. Like I said above. I love not having to deal with another human being until the next day. When I have had a bad day and need to talk to someone about it, I have some good friends I can call and talk to or I come to PC.

lack of affection - maybe the fact my husband was abusive makes me kind of jaded about this. Having another person in the house does not mean I will receive affection. I am happier now coming home to no one than I was coming home to someone who either ignored me or hurt me. Being in a relationship does not guarantee that the other person will be there for us or support us or treat us with affection.

I tell people. I was my parents' daughter for 23 years. Then I was married for 23 years. I'm going to try out being single for 23, then I figure out what comes next!

When I was single back in the day, the worst part of being single was being single There was so much pressure. Thankfully, after awhile, my parents and parents' circle finally gave up on me . I was engaged twice but not married so to them, the relationships didnt count. (Nice huh?)

And thankfully, I got to a point of acceptance and stopped comparing my life to others' .... which helped a lot!

At times, though, I miss the intimacy and companionship, having someone on the other side of the bed, having *** on a very regular basis (fun!), sharing things, esp if we have the same sense of humor! and simply having "guy stuff" around (I like "dude" things around - in contrast with my girly stuff).

I have been in long-term, wonderful, loving relationships, so I have an idea of what I am looking for. If it's not there, I won't drag it out simply to have someone in my life. It isnt fair to him or me.

Generally, though, I would rather be alone and single with Krazee Kitteh than with someone that I am not comfortable and happy being around.

(I agree about learning to do some of the traditional guy things. I learned and can do it. But I much prefer to have some help).

I like being single but i miss the warm snuggly chest and the sound of a deep voice when I wake up. Many parts of being in a relationship can be replaced but not the sunday breakfast table talk and kisses goodbye in the morning.

Rose, you said it perfectly.

Excellent point Rose!

I'm 25 and I've always been single, I find myself too repulsive to picture myself with someone. And I have little to no trust with men and relationships.
But I'm VERY lonely, and I get incredibly jealous at everyone that's in a relationship because they have someone who wants to be with them and I have nobody. I joke a lot about being a crazy cat lady (as I have a lot of strays around my home and I joke I've used my cat lady powers to lure them as my minions), and I'll say to people quite often that I'm happy being alone and have no interest in/time for a relationship, but that's just a guise for feeling pathetic. I rarely have feelings for a guy, though there was/is one that I can't quite get over. He can be a bit of an *** sometimes, but I can't quite get over him. I try to avoid him on Facebook. Not that he talks to me anymore anyway, haha. But I don't try to talk to him or see anything he's written.
I'd just like someone who is a best friend to me and some company, but I don't ever foresee it happening. So I guess for me the worst part is feeling unwanted, unattractive, and alone. I look at some people in relationships and think 'how the HELL can they find someone and I can't?'.

Evening,

I feel the same way about the people I see that have "someone" and I can't find someone. I feel I have to change everything about me so someone will like me and want to be with me. I know I'm fairly attractive and have alot to offer to the right person, so what's the deal I ask myself. I keep getting asked by people "what's wrong with the men down there", I live in Raleigh, NC". How am I supposed to answer that I say to myself.

It feels like because I'm not a Christian, then it will be hard for me to meet a man, or if I don't look a certain way or because I like hockey, how will I find someone like that. Of course you don't have to have everything in common with someone, as long as it's a few things and you enjoy being with that person.

I know a wonderful man, that I've been friends with for 5 years now, and I know he's the only one I want to be with, we get along real well. Maybe partially it is me, I don't get out enough, but the meetup groups I'm in do al ot of happy hour stuff, bars. I like to do more event stuff, like mini golf.

I can't even get someone to go to mini golf with me or something. I need to find a way or get some help to get out of this "rut" i call it. All this not feeling wanted makes me stressed, and we all know stress leads to other things.

Good stuff here. I was married, then single, now married again. There's a lot of adjustments to be made whether single or not.

When single, I used to buy myself exactly what I wanted for birthdays, holidays, etc, because no one else would; I learned how to fix minor things wrong in the house (a huge difficulty for me); I mowed my own lawn until the mower broke; and, silly me, I used to give a hunky man name to my car!

Advantages of being single: you have absolute control over your space, finances, and what you do and when you do it, without any strings. I agree it's hard when there's no one to talk to at home, but there are many alternatives, especially on psych-central and sometimes people on here listen better than hubby anyway!

I think I will answer this a bit differently... I have most often in the past felt like my life was dictated by trying to make our schedules mesh....which of course usually meant it was ME rushing around to get something done or to be somewhere, and I already have SEVERE anxiety. I have gone out with a few people, and was married to one, who were calming forces, shall I say. And they were a relief.

But its always hard to start dating, even when I can kind of get a sense but not know for sure, if I am about to start seeing a guy who is more like a full-fledged hurricane season again or not. And for me, no thank you.

Otherwise, I miss them scraping snow off of my car, bringing out the trash and the recycling, bringing in the groceries, and switching out lightbulbs. By the way, that list was compiled in my head once I got seperated re: what I missed...I would never give a list like that to some guy I was just dating, ha.

I'm very much the same as you, although without the cats. And the guy I don't think I'll ever get over was never a jerk to me. I don't think he'd dare—he was already very intimidated by me I think. He knew I was aggressive (not towards him of course, but towards the people who picked on him because he was too meek to stand up for himself). I actually miss defending and protecting him, but I think I mostly miss knowing a guy that I actually felt safe around. Or what could have happened if we ever dated...guess I should start enjoying being single as I'll never meet anyone else like him and I don't know how he'd react if I contacted him.

I would also love to have someone to talk to, to have someone I could actually trust, and to have someone help me with housework when I hurt too much to do much.

And to cope? I have stuffed animals—sad, but true. I eat while watching TV and have the TV on a lot just to hear other people's voices.

Honestly, I like being single. I've been in two very long term relationships, and I've been living single for 10 years. I prefer being single at this point. About the only time I miss having a partner is for physical intimacy.

Sleeping alone - I have dogs, so I don't actually sleep alone. I'm not a snuggler, and I like my space, so that doesn't bother me.

Eating alone - I tend to read when I eat. If I cook, I make enough for two or three servings and freeze for later. I've also gotten good at making single serving meals. I eat healthy frozen meals or I will eat a large lunch at work and have something small for dinner. My evenings are very busy, so I'm often eating on the run anyway.

Not having someone to come home to - again, I have dogs that always greet me. But, I kind of enjoy coming home from the office and not having anyone around. It's my time to decompress from having to be around people all day. I also plan things in the evenings, so I spend time around people when I need it.

lack of affection - I'm not generally a physical person so this isn't a huge thing for me. I will cuddle with the dogs.

Oh how wonderful living alone is........I was married (still am actually cause I haven't finished getting the divorce)for 33 years of living under the same roof....the last 13 years we lived in separate wings of the house. I could never trust asking him a question I getting an honest answer & it cost me a lot....but it was hard living together & not feeling it was necessary to ask for the information he was supposedly handling.....I decided that since I couldn't trust him....I needed to GET OUT....so when my mother died, I took my inheritance & moved 2100 miles away & bought a 10 acre farm I had always wanted.

First thing I did when I bought my lawn tractor was take it apart...install the mulcher & put it back together (& IT WORKED!!!!!). Most things I'm ok at fixing myself....I repared a water pipe in the basement so I the front water faucet worked. I have a list of fix it things I still have to do including replacing all the wood around the windows I had replaced when I first moved into the house & stain the wood....& the back water faucet now needs repaired & I have a shut off valve to install inside the basement....I have all the needed parts...I just have to get organized & get it done.

A few years ago when I fractured my back from a bale off a horse I was riding.....it was a true test of whether I could take care of myself of not....I managed....but I also had some really wonderful friends that helped me out.....& I do have some wonderful friends who have helped me clean out the garage which I hadn't been able to do when I fractured my back either. The garage door broke & it was something I couldn't fix....I fixed the roller, but the other part actually pulled out of the wall & there was no way I could fix that. There are some other things that I can't fix, but don't have money to pay to have it done...so it just stays unfixed until I can ever get to the point where it can finally be done.

As for having someone around to talk to or come home to....all it ever was was fighting....so the peace is the most wonderful environment I could ever ask for.

I have 3 eskie dogs now (lost 2 since last Thanksgiving & that was really hard on me emotionally)...but 2 of them sleep in my bed & Tawny is my snuggler....she curls up right next to me & sometimes even on top of my head or at least wraps her paws around my neck (while I"m trying to sleep).....but I love my babies....they are the best company I would ever want.

I have finally been able to recover all the values that I had to end up changing to keep the fighting from being even worse than the things I wouldn't compromise on.....

I can finally eat foods that I like & cook with seasoning that I like.

There honestly isn't anything that isn't a plus on living alone after the horrible marriage that I had.....but he was such a nice guy...no one saw what it was like having to deal with him behind the closed doors....he was an idiot & when I was really sick, he had no capability of caring for family even though I had gone over how to handle finances over & over & thought he had really got it when I finally got us bailed out of the first level of debt his spending philosophy got us into.

Since I left him.....he had messed up my inheritance taxes & the IRS came after us & he never told me about it until 10 months later when I got the letter after having the mail forwarded to my farm......then just 2 years ago, he quit paying the property taxes, then last year he quit paying the house payment......maybe that was for the good because I can't get any credit because of that....I was still & am still on the house even with the loan modification he's getting.

He was a looser like that from before we were married....I mean...his parents gave us the money to pay off his credit card for our wedding present......& he turned around & maxed it out right after getting married.....got sick & tired of fighting him on every aspect of life....I ended up hiding in getting my degree & then in my engineering career.......after 33 years of living like that, living alone feels like heaven in comparison.....& there isn't anything about that married life that I miss....NOTHING AT ALL!!!!!!!

Have to laugh also....I bought a Dodge 1500 quad cab truck also when I moved here....I am a small 5'1" woman....& all the guys LOVE my truck & kid me about being too small for such a large truck....got news for them....I can haul around in that truck better than they could ever imagine.....along with the fact I learned how to haul & get around with my horse trailer....just takes practice & watch out....get out of my way!!!!!!

((((Deborah))))Just want to say I can relate completely, but I don't want to post anything much publicly on it.

To each her own--- those who are okay with it, and those who are not. Each for her own reasons. If one is happy with it, one should not think others should be as well.

Bottom line is "I don't" (cope well)....

Yeah, I guess I don't cope well either since I don't have alot of friends and family is about 500 miles away. I talk to a neighbor about it, and he can only say he's not looking for any relationship, he doesn't care, it doesn't bother him to see couples.

I say, well good for you, to each his own. He doesn't have any ambition in life anyways or cares about doing anything with himself. The minute I say something about it, he acts like he doesn't want to hear it.

I mean he acts as if I'm the weird one because I want to settle down with someone. What's so wrong about wanting to find a partner.

I think it's easier for people who've been in a relationship before that ended to enjoy being single, as you actually know what you're missing (or really what you're NOT missing). I think it's a lot more difficult for someone who's never gotten to experience something that's part of...well, the human experience.

And, if you've been in relationships before, staying single is YOUR choice and you have the power over the situation. If you haven't been a relationship, it doesn't feel like you can be, so you feel powerless and feel like it isn't your choice.

I suppose not many can relate as it seems that many people have some sort of experience with relationships at a fairly young age.

I think I would enjoy being single too if I knew that I wasn't missing anything and relationships weren't worth pursuing. And especially if it were my choice and not because no one wants me. That's why I'm single—there's no one who would date me and I don't blame them.

This (at least for me) doesn't have to do with needing a man to do the "man's jobs"...hell, I'm interested in both genders so there wouldn't necessarily even be a man. It's more that I feel like less of a person because since I'm always rejected, it's as though I don't deserve it. And that I'm powerless...I'm not choosing to be single, I just have no other choice.

I really don't expect others to understand this, but I felt like I needed to explain further.