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#21
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I don't know if I live by a college with a law school or not. Would any law school do? I'm sure that I probably live close to one. Where can I find out if I do or not? Do I just do a google search? What kind of legal advice do they offer? How much do they charge? Who can freeze known assets, and more importantly, find out about hidden ones? I'm positive that he already has some hidden assets or that he has dropped money with his parents in a foreign country (his home country), ugh! Thanks for your help and advice. Sadly, I can't just get up and walk away right now. I need to save up money first. Angie |
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#22
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Thanks again for your advice and help- I can ask the bank what their policy is on the phone. I'm sure that my signature would be required to close it. I'm going to take things one step at a time and join a domestic violence group first. Then I'll ask them what I should ask a lawyer. Finding a job, any job, will be very, very hard for me as I'm not that smart, I have no college degree, I'm shy, I have social phobia and I suffer from panic attacks, I hate dealing with most people, and I have almost no marketable skills. I hardly know a thing about computer programs like Word or Excel. On top of that, I already have two strikes on my record, the first was for shoplifting back in 2000, and the second offense was for a first time DUI for drinking on an empty stomach. That was in 2011. The fines were paid, I went to school, and did community service, but it'll be on my record for 7-10 years, ugh! Plus, I have bad credit. As for looking after kids, most parents want people who already have experience. If they do a background check on me, which they probably will, I doubt that I'll get hired. How do I even get a job babysitting kids anyways? I'd have to go thru and agency and there is no way they'd hire me with my background and no experience! I'm not trying to be negative, I'm just being honest! I think that a night stocking job at a clothing store or something like it would be good. I could get discounts and not have to deal much with people. I can't lift anything heavy though as I have a bad back. I could be OK with working on the floor of a retail store as I'd just be keeping the place more organized. If I get asked for help, I won't have to do much unlike a cashier. I have done that before and it's a stressful job to where you have to be quick. You also have to deal with overly chatty or mean customers who act like they're the only person in line, ugh! What jobs would be good for someone like me? Answering the phones after closing hours would be great too, but I don't know where to get a job like that! Any further advice would be appreciated on where to look for jobs and how to get one with my background. |
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#23
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In 2000 abusive BF threatened my and my sisters'/mom's life so besides getting a restraining order I went to the credit union where the BF and I shared a checking account. I closed the account and opened one in my name only. Start making photocopies of every financial document you can get your hands on while you are still living together. I think your starting point should be to get advice from an attorney including an estimate of costs and what is an acceptable payment plan. __________________ The purpose of life is not to be happy. It is to be useful, to be honorable, to be compassionate, to have it make some difference that you have lived and lived well. anonymous |
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Anonymous37893
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#24
Joining a domestic violence group is a great place to start! good for you for making that decision.
I too have, since teen years, had lengthy panic attack, gen. anxiety, PTSD and recurrent major depression. I have always worked. I made it a rule that I had to, it took a while, and at times was, and still can be, excruciating but---really, you learn that only you know what is going on inside you. (and I had no meds till my mid thirties; the antidepressants did not exist, and my one experience with benzos turned me off---though I am fine with them now) Some jobs that have little personal contact and don't require experience, that come to mind are---factory work that they will train you for (I used to do soldering and mechanical assembly---you don't have to be social if you don't want to, just do the work--a little harder to find now but still out there, see if there are any manufacturing/electronics places around; you have computer skills and may find something, say data entry, or basic office clerking that doesn't require a lot of interaction (you wouldn't want to be the receptionist for instance); {btw, can you apply to get the shoplifting expunged?---the other is not uncommon; if they check, we all make bad decisions sometimes and it won't necessarily stand in the way of a job} library asst. (shelving books essentially, sorting, not dealing with the public)---you might want to try something as a volunteer first, so you don't have the pressure of it being a "job" (soup kitchen, sit with/read to people in a nursing home, local historical society (like the library), ----?dog walking (the local shelter usually loves to have people come and exercise the dogs)---it could even become an occupation, again, online you can type in "volunteer opportunities+(your town/area)" Good luck! In time you may be the one helping others who have been where you are now. __________________ "...don't say Home / the bones of that word mend slowly...' marie harris |
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#25
((Shyintrovert))-
As the others stated, I feel you are in an abusive relationship. I was in an emtional & verbally abusive one for a year..I could not even use Windex correctly, according to that abuser....It was about to turn physical and then I left. I went to DV shelter for couselling...They were wonderful. Non judgemental, kind, caring...Please give them a call. __________________ KIRBY DXS: MDD, PTSD, GAD. . I believe there are others. RX: Wellbutrin XL, 300 mg tablet daily, in AM Last edited by kirby777; Aug 02, 2013 at 08:27 AM.. Reason: errors |
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Anonymous37893
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#26
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OMG, that sucks! I'll have to hope that never happens! I'll just have to not take anything out of the account for now w/o asking him, ugh! If I do end up leaving him, I'll be smart and wait until there is a lot of money in the account like there is now and I'll end up withdrawing most of what's in there, ha! I'll claim in court that he did threaten to leave me with nothing and that I have no savings and on one to help me out financially with the cost of legal fees and living expenses. I'm sure that even the hardest judge would understand that. I'm soo sorry to hear about your past relationship with your abusive bf! That's good that you got away from him! Yikes! As for getting copies of financial statements, some of them will be easy to get copies of since his office at home is messy, but then there are other papers that I have no access to. I know nothing about our finances aside the fact that he still owes the IRS quite a bit of money and that he only made a $5000 payment to them recently, or so he said. So he still owes them $5000 from last year. From this year, 2013, it's $47,000. I'll do things one step at a time. I'll first get counseling and advice as well as job training at a domestic violence center and then I'll have gather what information that I need including secretly taped phone recordings to prove how bad he is. I know that it won't be admissible in court, but once the counselors and lawyer hears it, they'll be able to hear for themselves how bad he really is and be able to help advise me more. Thanks again for all your help! I'm glad that you had the courage to leave such a horrible person! Angie |
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#27
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Thanks for all of your great suggestions! This coming week, I'll contact a few domestic violence shelters and go to the one that's closest to me. I hope they'll have room to let me in. Sadly, if I ever need shelter, I'm out of luck as I tried that one time and three or four shelters were all full! As for the jobs you suggested, I'll look into all of those options! I can google those jobs and hopefully I'll be able to find something. Better yet, I'll go to a temp agency so that they can do the looking for me- They usually offer training on their computers too for free (the last time I checked that is), so hopefully they still have that available. As for the shop lifting experience, I can get it expunged, but then it'd cost more money to hire a lawyer, ugh! The lawyer who handled my case no longer has it on file or something like that. That happened ten years ago and I doubt that most employers would look that far back for an entry level job. I think that there is a limit to how far they'll go back unless someone is applying for a high level CEO job, or one with lots of security involved. How would I explain a DUI though? Should I just put down will explain in the interview on an application when asked if I've ever been convicted of a crime? Does being found guilty count as a conviction? I did spend the night in jail, but not in the cell. I was hand cuffed to a chair and I was site released. I did not admit to being drunk, but my blood alcohol level was over the limit. I did refuse the breathlyzer test thinking that it'd buy me more time to sober up and that it was an option. It's NOT. So I had a blood test done at the station. This will stay on my DMV record for 7-10 years, so driving jobs are out- Should I be honest and admit to the DUI? If so, what do I say exactly, especially on the application on line? Should I just stick to will explain in the interview? If I'm asked about it, what should I say exactly? I'm sure that my application will probably be dismissed by most employers even if I just say I'll discuss it in the interview. To them, that's probably a red flag. Ugh! I'd appreciate anymore help and advice that you can offer! Angie Right now I just do market research and focus group studies. The work is very sporadic, but the pay is pretty good IMHO for someone who has no college degree. I usually earn $35-40 an hour or more just for tasting food or giving out my opinions in a group or by myself. |
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#28
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Hi Kirby, OMG, I'm soo sorry to hear about your past experience with an abuser! Your abuser sounds like a super control freak for telling you that you couldn't even use Windex correctly, yikes! What a jerk! Congrats and good for you for getting away from that person before they got physical! What did they do for you at the DV shelter? Did they offer you job training? Yes, I will give them a call this week for sure! Angie |
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Perpetually Pondering
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#29
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I find, lots of times, there are those in society, that feel that people exaggerate the reality of verbal abuse, and the reality is, that once you play back, these recordings, it can show, beyond a shadow of a doubt, what you are enduring. They range, as cheap as $20-30 and can go higher in price. If your computer, isn't key logger traced and you have the ability to have privacy on it, you can upload these recordings. Or even upload, at the library to a USB or an external hard drive, that you could/should keep in a safe place. If you don't know, if your home computer is key logged, there are free on-line software tutorials that can help you identify this type of monitoring!! |
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#30
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Hi, sorry for the slow response. I've been busy with a few temp jobs lately. I'm going to look for a job tomorrow. They're hiring at a store near me for a stock job which would be great for me. Anyways, I know that recordings won't be admissible in court. At least a domestic violence counselor and a lawyer will then know what I'm up against. I can hide my phone pretty well. He rarely looks directly at me when he is really angry. I'm careful, so I'll never be found out. Anyways, I'm going to look for a domestic violence counselor and look into job training this week or as soon as tomorrow. I'll make an appointment to come in as soon as I can. I need to be prepared for the worse. I'm a bit worried and confused about the way that things are going now. He gave me a break on housework and didn't yell at me since I was on my period. Also, he surprisingly gave me more money that I expected him to after I told him that $100 a week where we live barely covers the expenses for food and gas! So he gave me $240 the other day! On top of that, I made $75 from my temp jobs for about an hour of doing really easy work- I'm going to try to save as much as I can when I can. Hopefully he'll keep on doing this. What worries me is that he's in the process of looking for a new place for his company since the company that he used to work for (that works with him sometimes) needs the space for their stuff. He has to move he said since the lot costs ten million dollars and he of course doesn't have the money to pay that amount. The company that he used to work with is in the same line of work as his current business. They're expanding and it's a big and well established company. I sure hope that this is just a coincidence and that it doesn't mean that he's trying to get "rid"of assets. Things are fine for now, but I'm not counting on things to be good on a long term basis. I have to take one step at a time and for now I'm stuck. I wish that I would've done this a lot sooner. I'm so glad that we don't have any kids! Perhaps he might treat me a little better once I get a job, who knows? When I do start making my own money, he's not going to be able to control me as much for certain! What I end up making, I'm keeping! I won't even let him know how much I make! My bff says that I can file separately for taxes. She's an accountant. Is that true? Thanks again to you and everyone else for all of your help and advice! Angie |
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healingme4me
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#31
I forgot to mention that I'm aware of key loggers. Usually it's obvious that someone installed a key logger if you know what they look like. There is nothing on my lap top. There is no suspicious looking software of downloads on my laptop.
Still, anything is possible. I know one guy on FB who knows about computers and he can help me figure out if there is a key logger on here or not. What are some ways to tell if there might be one on here? I doubt that he put any key logger on here as I don't think he thinks I'm that smart or having an affair (I'm not of course) or anything like that. |
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#32
(((Shy Introvert)))
Probably a bad idea but clear his bank account out and run |
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NWgirl2013
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who reads this, anyway?
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#33
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__________________ The purpose of life is not to be happy. It is to be useful, to be honorable, to be compassionate, to have it make some difference that you have lived and lived well. anonymous |
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healingme4me
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Perpetually Pondering
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#34
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I didn't have one in marriage, but one of the support groups I belonged to, these were brought up every once in a while. As a safety precaution, not as a cheat detector. |
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#35
I have read all of the other posts and yet no one here seems to see any fault in what you are doing. First of all, you are not working. I, myself stay at home and my fiancee works to take care of us, but the difference is this; I cook him meals, do his laundry, clean the house, and greet him at the door when he comes in from a long day at work with an ice cold drink in hand for him. I do not ask for money, I ask him for what I need. If I leave the house he offers me money or the bank card. I do not go into his account because he has worked for his money, not me. My job is to take care of him in all the ways a wife cares for her husband. Yes, him saying mean things to you is wrong, but honestly, is going out and spending 200-300 dollars a week, and hanging out with your friends, and leaving the house dirty, and not having sex helping you in anyway? I am sure it isn't. Here is your answer- even if you don't cook every night, cook 2-4 times a week. Clean the house, even if it isn't spotless, it should be cleaner than when he left. And when he comes in ill and in a bad mood, drop his pants right there in the doorway and just 'give it to him'. My fiancee and I have no fights, we take care of one another, and make sure that we are equally satisfied. I assure you that it really is that simple. It takes 2, but if you show him you are willing to go the extra steps to change, or make things better, he will do the same regardless of what all these people say. 20 years is a long time to throw away, and do you really want to leave? Sounds like you have it made and don't even see it.
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