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#1
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My partner continuously picks on me for being fat and makes comments about my body weight. I am aware that I need to loose weight as I consume a lot of sugary drinks and sweets and don't exercise. He is says that he is only looking after my health but the way he talks about is what is hurtful.
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![]() CalamityJane425, healingme4me, nana_, whoamihere
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#2
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If you want to make a change in what you eat is entirely up to you.
Him being hurtful is just cruel. Maybe time to trade him in for a kinder model. ![]() |
![]() *Laurie*, BlueCrustacean, healingme4me
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#3
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Hi, misty, and welcome! Gee, we already know we are overweight.
My hubby is really overweight and I struggle not to say anything to him. |
#4
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Hello misty78, I see this is your first post so welcome to PC!
![]() ![]() If your partner is just concerned about your health, he is definitely going about it the wrong way. Ultimately it has to be YOU who decides to lose the weight, and it has to be for YOU, not HIM. |
#5
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Welcome to PC
__________________
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#6
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Wow he sounds like a jerk. It's your decision whether you want to lose weight or not. Just by the way someone treats another person, it shows whether they really love you or not.
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#7
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Man this kind of post makes me angry! I'm sorry your partner says these cruel things to you....knowing that there is probably a sensitive area that would make him feel bad if you constantly pointed it out!
So it could become a "war", find your partner's weakpoint & exploit it. Kind of an eye for an eye theory. Or discuss this area with your partner & how digrading it makes you feel. See if there is empathy there. I'm sure there are other options, but you need to decide what is best for you & you alone. If you lost weight....how much would be enough??
__________________
"Doubt is like dye. Once it spreads into the fabric of excuses you've woven, you'll never get rid of the stain." Jodi Picoult |
#8
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“...what is best for you & you alone”
Though that can be good advice, when applied to a marriage it can become, complicated. Weight can be a touchy subject, especially when not handled with care and love, and even then it can be hurtful. You guys need talk about this like people who love each other because it tends to only get worse if you don’t. Misty, you will need to be open to receiving his concerns and criticisms, ego aside, and he needs to approach this with love and kindness and honesty. You think that’s something that could happen? |
#9
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I think "what's best for you & you alone" is even more vital in marriage. It's a Petri dish area where one can get lost in a union. Our "self" can disappear.
How is he "looking after your health" yet demoralizing your mental health. Is one better than the other?
__________________
"Doubt is like dye. Once it spreads into the fabric of excuses you've woven, you'll never get rid of the stain." Jodi Picoult |
#10
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These people who are "only worried about our health" don't realize the damage they're doing. They think if they nag and shame us enough, we'll get tired of it and do something about it. In reality, it keeps us constantly on edge, stressed out, which is counterproductive. If he wants to help you lose weight, the best thing he can do is shut his doggone mouth about it, and compliment you.
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![]() Patagonia
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#11
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So your husband lying to you is the solution?
Again, I’m out of my range here, I’ll see myself out... |
#12
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Have you told your husband that his behavior is bothering you?
__________________
[B]'Everyone you meet is fighting a battle you know nothing about. Be kind. Always.' |
#13
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Quote:
I personally wouldn't want my H to lie to me. But maybe if he came home with like diet soda & said I think we should switch to diet soda bec....blah blah. A mallet is softer than a sledgehammer.
__________________
"Doubt is like dye. Once it spreads into the fabric of excuses you've woven, you'll never get rid of the stain." Jodi Picoult |
#14
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Kindly refraining from constantly pointing out to someone how fat they are is not the same thing as "lying to them." The point is, those of us with weight problems don't need to be told we have weight problems. We already know. Continuing to harp on about it, nagging and shaming us, is not the way to help us form healthier habits.
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![]() Patagonia
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#15
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My husband and I both have weight issues. Plus, there are some concepts he just doesn't grasp, such as the fact that he and I have different needs. What is a healthy amount for him could be too much for me. The battle I fight is his tendency to food-push, while thinking he's being polite and considerate. I've gotten him to stop asking me *again* if I'm sure I don't want any whatever, a few minutes later after I've already said no. That's progress.
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#16
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Arbie, what could your husband do or say that may motivate you to lose weight?
If he resolved to lose weight would that help? I don’t see any other way it could work than both of you participated. But what if one spouse in is fit and the other is not? Then how does one approach the subject. Some here say, just don’t, just tell them they are beautiful and love them unconditionally. Sadly, I don’t see that as a solution, but that’s just me. |
#17
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Quote:
You don't see any other way it could work? I find that hard to believe....we can help the OP more than that. What if we change the word "fat" to "income." There will always be discrepancies within a marriage. And again the question....how much weight does one need to lose to make another happy....or satisfied. Obviously the "reverse psychology" isn't working. So maybe we have to think differently. Yes there needs to be some positive motivation here & communication or it will become a nasty bone of contention.
__________________
"Doubt is like dye. Once it spreads into the fabric of excuses you've woven, you'll never get rid of the stain." Jodi Picoult |
#18
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I don't need to be motivated to lose weight. I already want to. What I need most is not to have my efforts fought against. "Oh, come on, just a little bit won't hurt you." "Are you sure you don't want any....?" "Well then, would you like some (equally unhealthy food) instead?" "Here, have some more." No, no, no, and no. Please quit asking. After a while, especially when you're dealing with an addiction, it gets harder and harder to keep saying no. (I've had people do the same with alcohol and cigarettes, both of which I have managed to overcome.)
As for complimenting rather than fat shaming, I'm not talking about telling people they don't have a weight problem when they do. I'm talking about dropping the subject and boosting their confidence in other areas. Surely there is something about the OP that can be complimented. When we feel good about ourselves, that's when we make the effort to make healthy choices. There is more to us than what we weigh and/or what we look like. |
#19
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Sure arbie, that all makes sense.
And congrats on quitting cigarettes and booze, not easy to do. |
![]() Albatross2008, Patagonia
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#20
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Hi,
You'll know when it's time to exercise, don't let your partner bully you. Tell him to knock it off! Set some boundaries with him. One problem I have is a whole lot of people have a warped view on what is a healthy body weight. Not everyone is meant to look thin. I don't know if he looks at those stupid magazines or what his problem is but he needs to be in your corner if not perhaps you might want to rethink the relationship. There is no excuse for his cruel remarks. And he is being cruel. At some point in everyone's life weight will be an issue doesn't matter if it's a man or woman. Me? I was skinny for many years until I hit the ripe old age of 30 then well the weight. I wish you well. ![]()
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Wounded Warrior |
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