[donut_61]

I'm new here and hoping to find some help. My husband had been diagnosised with Borderline Personality Disorder among other things. In October of 2006 I suspected he was talking with other women. I caught him on the phone one night and we had a blowout. He promised he would stop calling. Then I found he had a profile on an internet dating site. The emails I found were heartbreaking. When I confronted him he swore he would close his account. More accounts, more confrontations. The day he came back from a "3 hour walk" I hounded him until he showed me his email account and then read an email from the woman he had spent the 3 hours with. That is when I asked him to leave. I know he has had several relationships since then. I have chosen to forgive him, although I have to recomit to that often. ( thank God for His grace!!!) He swears he is going to get better and come back for me, but how do I go back? My confusion is that I have been told that to a certain extent, the infidelities can be attributated to his illness. But the pain and betrayal I feel is very real and, even after forgiveness, the thought of living happily ever after makes me want to puke! (sorry!)

Any advice out there?

[Rhapsody]

((( HUGS ))) - I am sorry you are having to go thru the betrayal of someone you love and gave your trust to...... I have had my trust broken by the man I love and while I have been able to forgive him it took time (lots of time) to stop the pain from controlling me and the feelings I still had for this man - IF you are willing to work thru the pain then you might have a chance, but please know IF your husband never changes then you will never be free of the inner pain his actions has created in you.

May God give you strength in your time of need as He did for me.

[TaintedGoth1]

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donut_61 said:
My confusion is that I have been told that to a certain extent, the infidelities can be attributated to his illness.

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How can BPD be attributed to infidelity? I have BPD and that's not even an issue. I think whoever told you that is not an expert in the field.

I'm so sorry that you are having to deal with this. He is cheating on you...please don't put up with this. I know it's easier said than done but please do it for your own good.

[SeptemberMorn]

It's my opinion that infidelity and BPD don't have anything to do with each other. My daughter is Borderline and she'd never even dream of being unfaithful to her husband.

How many affairs will your husband have to have before you've had enough of the pain he's inflicting on you? Infidelity is the one reason that makes divorce okay with a person of faith. God doesn't want you to live like this for the rest of your life.

[MyBestKids2]

I agree with SeptemberMorn

I was diagnosed BPD several years ago and have never cheated on my husband, even though we were separated for several years.

I wish you luck on your journey

[50guy]

Well, you said he was unfaithful, right? Did he have a physical relationship with this woman? If he did then that was wrong. If he didn't and it was just talking/walking then he was not unfaithful to you. He just kept it from you.

I know that in my 35 years of marriage that I have been tempted many times, caught too. I have been faithful for over 25 years but,.Ii do counsel with several women and outsiders would think it was an affair. I have love in my heart for other women. It is pure and clean.

I think we as a society are really getting paranoid. If a married person so much as speaks to another of the opposite sex we jump to conclusions. It really is sad.

Just my opinion.

[(JD)]

psst psst

[CJR520]

I went through something very similar with my husband, and it is cheating as far as I am concerned. You do not sneak off with someone of the opposite sex, away from your mate, like some little lovesick 8th grader, to share secrets and complain about your sex life, your spouse, etc. Your spouse is supposed to be your best friend, period!! People can control themselves!! If you need someone to talk to, email me. There are wedding vows, and I believe there is a reason for that!!