[IcryWhoAmI]

I got a 'work experience' placement at some shoe retail store, today was only the second day of working there and I already feel depressed. I've been feeling completely fine for about two months, but two days of the 'real' life, and it's back.
Even after the first day, I came home and cried. Today I came home, and cried. I literally feel like quitting already, but I can't.
I had an epiphany today that retail probably isn't for me. I'm just not a people person. I'm too shy, and people can see that. Yesterday the store manager was like 'you need to come out of your shell more', 'you need to be more confident'. And again today, the other store manager was like 'you need to start engaging with customers', 'you need to be more outgoing'. Yada yada yada. Like any of that actually helps me. NO. It makes me feel worse. I'm a sensitive person, I can't take things like that, I can't be confident. I don't believe that shyness can be cured. I'm really dreading going in tomorrow, I really never want to go back. Someone help me escape... I can't understand how people actually WANT to work.

[nummy]

Sounds like maybe you're too hard on yourself? Give yourself time to acclimate. If they pressure you, don't put a wedge between them and you. Smile and say something like, I'm new to retail, getting used to the layout of the store.

It might not hurt, in a few days, to follow this up by asking them for a few secrets of the job. Being able to sell a product means being able to sell YOU... and your confidence. Not a bad thing to learn, either. I wish I had had the opportunity to learn that.

[healingme4me]

Problem, with directives, as those, there's no examples, as to how.

Best thing, in a retail environment, pick a person, you'd like to emulate, and just follow their lead.

There's customer service, catch phrases. Smile, and appear, pleasing. Even, though, sounds out of your comfort zone.

Office work, has it's own expectations. Hiding behind shyness, is tough. Some people, may not work, because they like it, but because they have to. Some, are fortunate, to find, their niche.

Hope your next shift, is better

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[IcryWhoAmI]

I just don't think I'm made for retail. People scare me, I run from people...screaming. I'm not a person that can put on a show.

[nummy]

Sometimes those situations that make us the most uncomfortable can be big learning experiences.

Where would your ideal job be?

[Perna]

Forget for the moment whether you believe shyness can be "cured" (it's not an illness, it's a genetic trait, you have those cave people who rushed out to confront the sabre tooth tiger and those who hung back to gather the nuts and berries in the fields and become the story teller around the campfire, etc.) do you wish you could be more outgoing and less anxious around people? Most of that has to do with experience and working at it and it could be your shoe store is a great place to do that as it is "smaller" than a department or big box store, for example? Shoe stores don't usually have huge hoards of people in there at once and that kind of pressure so you can learn to approach people one-on-one.

Make a list of things you can try? I would start with just smiling at a customer as you are walking by and saying, "Can I help you with anything?" Most are going to be "just looking" and/or some will look/seem less threatening if you think about it; pretend you are on a park bench or at a Starbucks watching people and trying to figure out how old they are, what they do for a living (based on time of day? Are they on lunch break or stay-at-home-moms, did they come in with anyone else), whether they're single or married, etc. Be curious about them and you may not remember quite how anxious you are.

Think of the shoe store as only a school/practice ground rather than that you are stuck in retail. Yes, retail is depressing to me too but I think about the bigger picture; it is a store/business so has all the parts of business: administration, personnel, accounting, customer service, sales, transportation, product & product development (they make "new" styles depending on what sells), advertising, etc. See if you can figure out how the store does those things and which seem more interesting to you. I took an accounting course in my 40s because it was the only part of business I had never worked in and it turned out I was really good at it and really liked it. Make yourself a little plan on how you can move from a shoe store to a larger store with a department you want to explore. When I worked for Sears Roebuck right out of school, I was put in the credit department but did horribly because my job was to call the people who did not get approved for credit and tell them why! I could not do that (I understand your fear). They moved me to the customer service department and that was calling customers to tell them when their stuff was scheduled to be delivered (happy) or that it was out-of-stock and there would be a delay (which could get one literally cussed out and management listened in to our phone calls) but I was not alone, there were other girls my age who helped me become less shy and who I could "copy" what they said, etc.

[arachnophobia.kid]

Just curious, why can't you quit? I mean I realize a job is very important but if I were you I wouldn't try to settle there. It's clearly not a good place for you to be working.

And if you absolutely must keep working there out of desperation, I am truly sorry, because I have been in that position before. In that case I would suggest that you keep looking for something that is better suited for you and get out of that shoe store job as soon as something else comes up.

[H3rmit]

Originally Posted by IcryWhoAmI

I just don't think I'm made for retail. People scare me, I run from people...screaming. I'm not a person that can put on a show.

This is a good insight. You are like me. I taught (!) fulltime for several years, at great cost to myself. It was like playing a role all day, and I am not a natural actor type! I learned a lot, but believe I would have learned more of value applying that effort to something more fitting. Get out and find yourself a field that suits your personality. We aren't all sales types, despite that our society is geared that way. Just say no.

The job doesn't fit you, and you don't want to fit yourself to it. Fair enough, and case closed - next. Just my viewpoint. Perna makes many valid points, as well. It is entirely your choice what you do.

[winter4me]

I had an odd experience once...I don't cry, but I was put in charge of a place I worked within a week of being hired, usually I am okay with just rolling with whatever for a while but this time I would come home and cry, I would ask "can I quit", I was really emotional about the stress/expectations. The odd comes a few months later, when it turned into one of the very best jobs I ever had, with some of the best relationships I ever developed. There may be something to letting yourself cry, to being uncomfortable, and hanging in there. Don't know. ...I would try to hang on till you find something else at least. ...I think it is OK to play a role for a while...sometimes it becomes your own, sometimes not---acting is a respectable job...who says you can't use those kind of skills in other lines of work?

[IcryWhoAmI]

Originally Posted by arachnophobia.kid

Just curious, why can't you quit? I mean I realize a job is very important but if I were you I wouldn't try to settle there. It's clearly not a good place for you to be working.

And if you absolutely must keep working there out of desperation, I am truly sorry, because I have been in that position before. In that case I would suggest that you keep looking for something that is better suited for you and get out of that shoe store job as soon as something else comes up.

The Job Centre sent me there, I think it would look bad on me if I just left.

[IcryWhoAmI]

So today I was too slow. 'you need to move a bit faster' she says whilst I was carrying boxes of shoes. What did she want, for me to fall over and die?! Ugghh, it's always the quiet ones that get picked on. It's okay for her to chat on the phone all day, it's okay for the others to stand and chat to each other all day, but it's not okay for me to actually be working?
However, I did make contact with the scary humans. I went up to them, and asked them if they were okay. Slight improvement, but still miserable and depressing.

[winter4me]

Good for you for making contact, and making it through another day. Don't let the "pusher" get you down, slow and steady gets it done. You are courageous, and don't you forget it. ((((((((((((((((hug)))))))))))))))))

[arachnophobia.kid]

Originally Posted by IcryWhoAmI

The Job Centre sent me there, I think it would look bad on me if I just left.

That makes sense, I'm like you in that I'd be very uncomfortable talking to the job centre about how I don't like the job they set me up with. But despite that I think it's okay for you to tell them that it's not a good fit for you. You could ask them to help you find something more suitable.

[H3rmit]

Originally Posted by arachnophobia.kid

That makes sense, I'm like you in that I'd be very uncomfortable talking to the job centre about how I don't like the job they set me up with. But despite that I think it's okay for you to tell them that it's not a good fit for you. You could ask them to help you find something more suitable.

I second this. Either you want to make it through this or you don't, but it's your choice and they should support you as a person, not just a replaceable widget in a machine you're not suited for. Again, that's your decision and depends on how you want to interpret it. No one here or at the job centre knows you as well as you know yourself. And to be honest the bulk of socially-oriented people don't understand that some of us will never be that way.

[IcryWhoAmI]

So here's what I did wrong today...
1. Didn't sort shoe boxes out properly
2. Didn't tag sales tags properly
3. Sorted things out too slowly ....and walked around the store too slowly.
I'm literally done. I cried again. On the bus home this time. I just don't know how to leave. I'll be so done in by the job centre.

[winter4me]

Originally Posted by IcryWhoAmI

So here's what I did wrong today...
1. Didn't sort shoe boxes out properly
2. Didn't tag sales tags properly
3. Sorted things out too slowly ....and walked around the store too slowly.
I'm literally done. I cried again. On the bus home this time. I just don't know how to leave. I'll be so done in by the job centre.

Talk to the job center.
Let them know you are having difficulty & see what they can offer for support. Everyone makes mistakes. (I once made all the beds in a motel with the bed spreads inside up...luckily, my boss laughed...so I went back and...)

[IcryWhoAmI]

The Job Centre won't help, they can be pretty strict, they won't see anything as a good enough excuse.

[IcryWhoAmI]

Should I carry on going or not? I don't know what to do I have the day off today but I'm supposed to be due in tomorrow. I know if I'll go in they'll just criticize me for even more things. I don't know if I could take anymore. It seems small but I am that much of a sensitive person. It just seems I can't do anything right.

[healingme4me]

Ever heard of don't take it personally. They are defining expectations. It's not a criticism of you, as a person. Learn from.your mistakes. It's not as though your mistakes were life or death, its just in order for the place to run...

I get more frustrated correcting long term employees, than new hires. I expect, new hires to need more specific direction..


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[IcryWhoAmI]

It is personal. I am in work as I am outside of it. And like I said, I'm a sensitive person. I take everything to heart. It may be harmless to everyone else, but it really effects me. It's not going to get any better.

[IcryWhoAmI]

Uh oh, still at home. I'm 100% not going back now. Like, I think if I do get sanctioned or something, I would rather that than have to be forced to work somewhere in which I'm so uncomfortable. Other people may be able to cope and deal in situations like that, but I can't. Everybody deals with things differently, and I can't deal with anything. Life itself, it's just too much. It's so complicated and frustrating.

[arachnophobia.kid]

Originally Posted by IcryWhoAmI

Uh oh, still at home. I'm 100% not going back now. Like, I think if I do get sanctioned or something, I would rather that than have to be forced to work somewhere in which I'm so uncomfortable. Other people may be able to cope and deal in situations like that, but I can't. Everybody deals with things differently, and I can't deal with anything. Life itself, it's just too much. It's so complicated and frustrating.

Somehow I think you are making the right decision and I support you. I, like you, have skipped out on work with the intention of never going back, and only after working 1 or 2 shifts. I've done that a few times actually and it's always worked out in the end. I now work in an office where I sit at a computer all day and I don't really have to talk to anyone all the much. I hope that things work out similarly for you and you find something that fits well. It might make it easier for you to send them an email, both to the job centre and the shoe store, just out of consideration. I hope the repercussions are easier on you than you are expecting them to be.

[healingme4me]

Originally Posted by IcryWhoAmI

Uh oh, still at home. I'm 100% not going back now. Like, I think if I do get sanctioned or something, I would rather that than have to be forced to work somewhere in which I'm so uncomfortable. Other people may be able to cope and deal in situations like that, but I can't. Everybody deals with things differently, and I can't deal with anything. Life itself, it's just too much. It's so complicated and frustrating.

You were 'forced' to take this? Why would you be sanctioned?

[IcryWhoAmI]

Originally Posted by healingme4me

You were 'forced' to take this? Why would you be sanctioned?

I wasn't forced to take it, though you do feel some sort of pressure to. I was quite willing at first because I do need a job, but I need the experience.

If you are claiming JSA, you may have a sanction, which is a reduction in your benefit, applied in a number of different circumstances. You might be sanctioned if you:

• left your job voluntarily or lost your job due to misconduct
• fail to apply for or accept a job that is offered to you
• fail to show that you are available for, and actively seeking work
• fail to attend a compulsory training or employment scheme
• fail to carry out a direction from a Jobcentre Plus adviser.

[IcryWhoAmI]

Originally Posted by arachnophobia.kid

Somehow I think you are making the right decision and I support you. I, like you, have skipped out on work with the intention of never going back, and only after working 1 or 2 shifts. I've done that a few times actually and it's always worked out in the end. I now work in an office where I sit at a computer all day and I don't really have to talk to anyone all the much. I hope that things work out similarly for you and you find something that fits well. It might make it easier for you to send them an email, both to the job centre and the shoe store, just out of consideration. I hope the repercussions are easier on you than you are expecting them to be.

I don't have the email of the store. They did call and left a message but I have no credit to call back. I might call them tomorrow, I just don't know what I'm supposed to say.