[Brownmike]

Over the past 3 years I’ve probably had 20 jobs. They’ve mostly been dead end low level jobs. I just can’t even make myself show up anymore.

I was supposed to start today at a Walmart Distribution center. I was supposed to be there at 7:45 AM. I woke up at 11:30 last night and couldn’t go back to sleep. It’s always this way when I start a job, my anxiety goes off the charts.

I drove up to the job this morning....sat in the parking lot and just couldn’t do it. I turned around and drove home.

The depression and anxiety I feel is just unbearable. It’s hurting me physically at this point. My head hurts....im tired all the time.....I feel like my clothes are made of lead. Everything seems so impossible or hopeless.

I’m not lazy. I’m not dumb. In the past I’ve always been one of the best workers at my job. I’ve always had issues with depression and anxiety but usually I could control it. But over the last 3 years anxiety and depression are just killing me. I keep waiting for these feelings to subside or at least diminish but they don’t....it’s been about three years of just hell.

I really don’t know what to do at this point. I’m basically bankrupt. I’m behind on my rent. I’m throwing everything I own on EBay to pay bills.

I just don’t know what to do.

[seesaw]

What's the longest you've been able to keep a job during these past 3 years? I'm wondering if there's something you did successfully with managing your anxiety and depression with that job that you could try to emulate?

Can you see a therapist or psychiatrist? Are you taking anything for the depression and anxiety?

[Brownmike]

Originally Posted by seesaw

What's the longest you've been able to keep a job during these past 3 years? I'm wondering if there's something you did successfully with managing your anxiety and depression with that job that you could try to emulate?

Can you see a therapist or psychiatrist? Are you taking anything for the depression and anxiety?

About 6 months. I worked for a grocery delivery business and made pretty good money. I wouldn’t say I enjoyed the job but I didn’t hate it.

But my sister died and I just couldn’t deal with customers anymore after that. The last three years have been hell. My sister died, her kids were in foster homes, my nephew got leukemia. My brother divorced his wife and fell apart. Just brutal.

I’m not trying to whine or make excuses and I’m not sure how much my problems are nature VS nurture but My parents were killed when I was 2, I was moved around from home to home. My uncle who raised me committed suicide about 20 years ago.

I’ve just had a lot of heavy stuff happen to me over the years. I used to be able to fight through it I’m not sure this time I can come back from it.

We had an hour long orientation for that job yesterday and it was just agony for me. It’s like I can’t shut my brain off and just be in the moment.

[Brownmike]

Originally Posted by seesaw

What's the longest you've been able to keep a job during these past 3 years? I'm wondering if there's something you did successfully with managing your anxiety and depression with that job that you could try to emulate?

Can you see a therapist or psychiatrist? Are you taking anything for the depression and anxiety?

I was seeing a therapist but only for 2 months or so. She canceled our appointment then I got a call saying I would have a new therapist and I just couldn’t go through it again.

My first therapist said she was making me an appointment with a doctor to be prescribed medication and that I would get a call about it but I never did.

I have an appointment with a doctor but it’s still a month away. It’s getting to the point where I can’t get out of bed.

[carcrashonrepeat]

You don't sound lazy at all. You've been through so much! I'm so sorry you're going through a hard time.

I was/am in a similar situation. I started my first day at work on Tuesday and had MAJOR anxiety leading up to the shift. But in the past I've been hired for jobs and would feel to anxious not to go.

Do you have any hobbies? Something I've learned that helps me is to find something I like and try and keep busy leading up to the start of shift. I like to draw. Doing something with my hands keeps me distracted. I also enjoy playing this game on my phone that is super chill. These little things help me get out of bed too.

Taking deep breaths and meditation help too.

I would also follow up with the therapist, too. Tell her how you feel and see if she can refer you to a doctor (a psychiatrist, I'm assuming) that possibly has earlier appointments.

I have less than a month to wait for an intake and even then I have to wait until the intake is over to schedule a psych eval because it's all on a sliding scale. I've had to wait over a month. I know exactly how you feel but remember this period of waiting is just that. It won't last forever.

[Brownmike]

Originally Posted by carcrashonrepeat

You don't sound lazy at all. You've been through so much! I'm so sorry you're going through a hard time.

I was/am in a similar situation. I started my first day at work on Tuesday and had MAJOR anxiety leading up to the shift. But in the past I've been hired for jobs and would feel to anxious not to go.

Do you have any hobbies? Something I've learned that helps me is to find something I like and try and keep busy leading up to the start of shift. I like to draw. Doing something with my hands keeps me distracted. I also enjoy playing this game on my phone that is super chill. These little things help me get out of bed too.

Taking deep breaths and meditation help too.

I would also follow up with the therapist, too. Tell her how you feel and see if she can refer you to a doctor (a psychiatrist, I'm assuming) that possibly has earlier appointments.

I have less than a month to wait for an intake and even then I have to wait until the intake is over to schedule a psych eval because it's all on a sliding scale. I've had to wait over a month. I know exactly how you feel but remember this period of waiting is just that. It won't last forever.

Thanks. I play guitar but my problem is I can’t sleep or shut my mind off. Earlier this week I went three days with about 6 hours of sleep. Just not sure how much more I can handle.

[carcrashonrepeat]

Originally Posted by Brownmike

Thanks. I play guitar but my problem is I can’t sleep or shut my mind off. Earlier this week I went three days with about 6 hours of sleep. Just not sure how much more I can handle.

Do you listen to podcasts? The one I use is called Sleep With Me. Its main goal is to put you to sleep. I suggest shutting off the lights, get into bed, and put this podcast on. It works for me so long as I listen to the narrator's voice. Also listening to white noise might help too.

Wow. I am so sorry for all your losses and problems. In England, where I live, there are 'green' jobs where you basically go and help someone build their log cabin (or whatever) and get free food and accommodation. You don't always need skills, a lot of the time, they just need a pair of hands. There's quite a sub culture going, with people travelling all over the world to work on amazing projects for free. Is there such a thing in the States? It really sounds or feels like you trying to live in an apartment and force yourself to do so,e crappy job just isn't the right thing. Maybe time to look at something completely different?

[Brownmike]

Originally Posted by carcrashonrepeat

Do you listen to podcasts? The one I use is called Sleep With Me. Its main goal is to put you to sleep. I suggest shutting off the lights, get into bed, and put this podcast on. It works for me so long as I listen to the narrator's voice. Also listening to white noise might help too.

I do listen to podcasts, I’ll give that one a try, thanks.

[Brownmike]

Originally Posted by Little Cat

Wow. I am so sorry for all your losses and problems. In England, where I live, there are 'green' jobs where you basically go and help someone build their log cabin (or whatever) and get free food and accommodation. You don't always need skills, a lot of the time, they just need a pair of hands. There's quite a sub culture going, with people travelling all over the world to work on amazing projects for free. Is there such a thing in the States? It really sounds or feels like you trying to live in an apartment and force yourself to do so,e crappy job just isn't the right thing. Maybe time to look at something completely different?

Yeah, I enjoy traveling for work and am trying to find another job where I can do that. I worked in the oilfield until the price of oil crashed.

I just get bored and depressed going to the same place doing the sane thing everyday.

[sans]

Hi Brownmike,
You aren’t alone. I’ve been averaging 7 jobs a year for several years now. I don’t have a problem getting hired, but the anxiety before going to work, usually ends in me quitting before I’ve gotten started or soon after.
I also lost my mom at age 2 and spent my teenage years moving in with different family members. My dad was alive, and remarried to my new mom, but they fought and separated so often. Finally, they divorced when I was about 15. He later took his own life when I was about 30.
I’m about to make a move out west, and hoping I can make a fresh start. The last 10 years have been very problematic with job stability. I think it turned into a habit. I started accepting any job that I was offered and then realized I couldn’t or didn’t want to do that type of work. Or the schedule interfered with my children’s activities or the care I was giving my (step)mom. I got really good at finding reasons I couldn’t do the job.
I’m supposed to start a temp job next week and I’m starting to feel the doubt in my mind about being able to handle it. I think it’s definitely a self esteem issue on my end, along with social anxiety and agoraphobia.
I’m in therapy but I really get nowhere with it. I was on antidepressants, but drinking alcohol with them got me in a bad place. I started using alcohol to medicate when I was about 14. And been on and off with drinking over the years.
Guess I’m just blabbing on because I finally found someone with a similar job experience!
Just keep going until you find your place. There will be again.
Xo
Sans

[Brownmike]

Originally Posted by sans

Hi Brownmike,
You aren’t alone. I’ve been averaging 7 jobs a year for several years now. I don’t have a problem getting hired, but the anxiety before going to work, usually ends in me quitting before I’ve gotten started or soon after.
I also lost my mom at age 2 and spent my teenage years moving in with different family members. My dad was alive, and remarried to my new mom, but they fought and separated so often. Finally, they divorced when I was about 15. He later took his own life when I was about 30.
I’m about to make a move out west, and hoping I can make a fresh start. The last 10 years have been very problematic with job stability. I think it turned into a habit. I started accepting any job that I was offered and then realized I couldn’t or didn’t want to do that type of work. Or the schedule interfered with my children’s activities or the care I was giving my (step)mom. I got really good at finding reasons I couldn’t do the job.
I’m supposed to start a temp job next week and I’m starting to feel the doubt in my mind about being able to handle it. I think it’s definitely a self esteem issue on my end, along with social anxiety and agoraphobia.
I’m in therapy but I really get nowhere with it. I was on antidepressants, but drinking alcohol with them got me in a bad place. I started using alcohol to medicate when I was about 14. And been on and off with drinking over the years.
Guess I’m just blabbing on because I finally found someone with a similar job experience!
Just keep going until you find your place. There will be again.
Xo
Sans

Hi thanks for the reply. You and I definitely sound like we're in the same boat. I just quit another job that actually paid well. I do not know what is wrong with me. I know your post is a few months old but I hope your new job worked out for you!

[sans]

Hey,
I’ve just relocated to Nevada, and got hired at a casino. Worked 4 nights, and decided that wasn’t a good fit. Lol
I’ve interviewed for something really different. An office job that helps with new hire paperwork. Since I’ve been a new hire, a million times, this may be up my alley.
How’s it going with you?
Feel free to pm me anytime. I’ve been moving and all that, so I’m just getting back into the PC mode again.
Sandy

[lostsoul2013]

Hi

Just wanted to post as I'm a serial quitter too. It's got pretty bad over the last few years. I'm good on paper and at interview and then I fall apart when I start the job.

The last job I stayed in for 10 months was great, as I started at the same time as a few other people, so felt like I had a buddy to get through it.

My anxiety has been off the chart again due to starting a new job. I've been wanting to run for the hills, but I'd like to stop running away and put down some roots for a while.

I've been trying meditation - just a few mins to help me try and re-focus. Sometimes just doing a few deeps breaths and concentrating on my feet. It kinds of takes the head rush away. I've also been listening to some hypnotherapy and affirmations videos on youtube and have felt a little braver to try and chat to people. I still take myself off on my own at lunchtime to recharge my batteries, as having to make more small talk with people would finish me off

I hope you find something you enjoy again. It is out there so don't give up hope.

Take care