Negative thinking in new job when faced with new challenges

I talk to my pdoc tomorrow, so we shall see.

My Pdoc is writing a note for me, but my dad (who is a psychiatrist) provided the verbiage for the letter. It's a very brief letter stating that I need modifications to the original job for which I was hired, without including any specifics. Great. So I sent that to my doctor to send to my CEO.

I'm really freaked out right now. I am supposed to return to work by Tuesday? And without any specifics around how my job should be modified? I am having a conversation with my CEO and my VP on Monday to discuss this and my "re-integration" back to work.

I know I cannot carry the same level of stress I was carrying before I took a leave of absence. I've realized that I've carried FAR too much stress, and that it's been long-term.... from my last job, from the job before that, from being hospitalized, and from going through a near divorce and separation from my husband. It's like once I entered the new job and stress came on, I immediately caved. It was the straw that finally broke the camel's back so to speak.

IF they let me go, which I sort of want but also do not want, I could at least take the time to find a more suitable position.

I just applied for a job at Harvard University, where I used to work. I don't have high hopes that I will be contacted for this role. It would be a very nice surprise if they did.

I guess what I am saying is I already feel that my new company is a bad fit. They work on the weekends, and at night. Not my cup of tea. And these website audits and presentations that they do are well over my head.

I don't know how I will survive there. I also cannot backslide in terms of my symptoms! What if more stress comes on, and my symptoms all come back with a vengeance? Then I will have to leave work again..... unpaid.

I am very scared, worried and concerned. I need money to survive. This is why I am even attempting to go back to work, but it would really help right about now if Paid Family Medical Leave would accept my application or my appeal, and send me money to survive.

This truly SUCKS.

I return to work today. I am nervous and scared. I have not had to concentrate for 8 hours straight in over a month. They did agree to give me less stressful work for a while. My CEO said she will give me a month, and then at that point she will reassess whether I am a good fit for the job. She could let me go at that point. I am not protected because my doctor's note said nothing about still being symptomatic. I am somewhat symptomatic..... but I can concentrate on tasks and I can get tasks done.

I've already applied for different roles in the last week. I've determined (already) that I don't think this job is the best match for me so I'm looking elsewhere and at different types of positions than the one I've had over recent years. I would like to do more copywriting/copyediting, so I am looking at positions that emphasize these skills.

My husband is also nervous about me potentially being unemployed. And I get it, I would be nervous too if I were him.

good luck have hope hugs

Thank you!

Today was tough - I was thrown 3 diferent projects immediately and I had to put the $170 on my credit card for one of the projects (it will be paid back). I am annoyed about the expense AND about being thrown back in full throttle. This job definitely is not for me.

Oh my gosh!!!! I want to scream right now. Clearly my CEO and VP did not communicate the stressors that brought on my symptoms to my boss, who threw at me today the exact task that brought on enormous stress for me and my symptoms as a result. I am sooo annoyed right now with this company and I want to leave ASAP. I had to ask my boss to take me off the task because it could exacerbate my symptoms. Then my dad told me I shouldn't have even mentioned my symptoms but rather the fact that my job is supposed to be dialed down due to my condition for right now. I already cannot stand being back at this company.

Could they move you across to doing a different job in the same company?

Thanks.

I did think of that too, but I don't think that's possible, unfortunately.

They might not know what to accommodate specifically. They might think that task is just a regular thing in a job description and not know it causes you problems. I think you need to sit down and tell them what exactly you cannot currently do due to illness. They might not be able to accommodate but at least they would know what you cannot do. If I told at work that I need to make my job easier, they’d not know what I want. I’d need to tell them that I cannot do XYZ (broken leg and cannot go upstairs for example). Specific

I was specific with my CEO and VP last Monday. I specifically told them that building complex and sophisticated presentations and audits while under deadline pressure brought on my symptoms and should be avoided for right now. They didn't inform my boss, is the issue. Now my boss wants to meet with me about his expectations of me next Thursday.

So next Thursday show your boss the letter from the pdoc (or actually send him the copy of it now so he can start thinking) and discuss what could be altered in regards of your job tasks and expectations.

If audits and presentations are tasks that could be given to someone else and aren’t required per job description, then they should be able to temporarily remove them. It’s not like a nurse refuses to take care of patients because it causes her symptoms or teachers refuse to interact with students because it causes them symptoms. Those are literally job descriptions. Presentations and audits might not be that essential for your job and aren’t in your job descriptions

Talk to your boss. I am sure they’ll sort it out

The problem lies with the fact that nearly ALL work is presented in sophisticated. powerpoint presentations. So, either I can learn this or I cannot and it's too far of a reach for me, while under deadline and budget constraints.

I told my CEO all of this, and she said we will revisit things in one month to see if I am still the right fit for them, and vice versa.

My boss yesterday told me he needs my help on the largest client that they just acquired. I am sure that he will want me to help him build a powerpoint presentation of the work I am to do.

I feel this job is not the right match for my skillset, so I am applying to jobs as frequently as possible right now. My goal is to try to hang onto my job for as long as possible, do the best I possibly can, and learn their way of presenting work to clients, IF I can in fact learn it. Fingers crossed!

Could you take power point class online? Or even without a class take a tutorial on those applications. I am sure you can learn power point but overall it just sounds like a bad fit. Good luck with finding something more fitting. Hang in there.

I suppose I could, but I started a free content marketing course today to also help me in my job/work.

And thanks... I applied for another job this morning!

I hope you can find another job soon.

THANK YOU!!!

I just wanted to say Have Hope is amazing

Aww, THANK YOU!!!!

I have incredible anxiety right now about work. I’m scared of failing in my job, which would likely effect my self esteem. I’m scared of that. I can’t allow my self esteem to get low. I cannot afford that in my life. I’m really worried. If I fail, I lose my job. Then I’m looking for a job, yet again. Ugh.

And the reason I am so scared of losing my job has to do with my marriage and the strain this will put on my marriage (ie, financial strain). I can actually deal with it if I do lose my job, as long as I don't allow my self esteem to plummet, but it's my husband I am concerned about. He was so stressed recently when I took a leave of absence for medical reasons. At the same time, I didn't have any financial coverage for that leave of absence, so money was very tight. IF I do lose my job and go on unemployment benefits, money will be very tight again, and then my husband will subsequently be very stressed again. I am afraid of placing more strain on my marriage. This is the crux of my concern, and of course, being able to find another job.

My husband had good advice last night about how to approach these massive audits - he said approach it one step and one portion at a time. Focus only on what's right in front of you, and not the entire audit - this way, it doesn't become overwhelming.

My new colleague even is doing full website audits ahead of me, and I am lagging behind. I feel like the third wheel in a party of two - useless. Yesterday I spent the entire day creating 3 blog article outlines for a beauty company. I am waiting to hear feedback from my boss on this work. I've created content outlines before, but not very many, so this task is still relatively new to me. I hope I've done a good enough job, and I hope he doesn't come back with more work for me to do on these. I've taken them about as far as I can - with audience targeting, keywords to target, specific sub-sections and headings to create, links within the article, authorship, and the angle of the article. I don't know what more I could do on these.

I also got rejected for an editor position yesterday, and I applied for an account manager position at another digital agency.

I'm listening to Joel Osteen right now (preacher on TV), and he is talking about how to stop running from challenges and how to allow God to help you overcome each challenge. It's a test, he says.

And it dawned on me: I am running from challenges right now. I am applying for other jobs (seemingly easier jobs) because I don't want the discomfort of having to overcome these new challenges that are being presented to me. I also don't feel I CAN overcome the challenges, despite having overcome every challenge presented thus far. Joel is saying that when you stop running from that which is difficult or uncomfortable, and when you confront the challenges, God swoops in to help.

Along those lines, yesterday I ran up against a major snag while using Google docs. I couldn't figure out a design problem. Then suddenly it occurred to me to use Excel to accomplish the task. I used Excel and it worked! I found a workaround solution! Granted, it's likely not the most efficient solution or method to this design issue, but still, I figured it out and overcame the challenge.

So, maybe I need to stay put and face the challenges that my new job presents to me. My company is taking it easy on me so far, they're not overloading me and they're not giving me any tasks that I feel are beyond my reach. I am actually doing the work so far, and I think I am doing it pretty well. My boss seemed pleased with the work I submitted to him yesterday that has to do with website design changes for a client.

This new outlook is interesting to me. In faith, I will move forward. Perhaps this job WAS the answer to my prayers, and I don't even realize it.

Today I woke up and realized that for a week and a half at work, I've had very little stress - it's such a nice break for a change. Low stress, low pressure. It's exactly what I needed upon my return to work. I really needed a good long break and stress relief. And while I was out on medical leave, I didn't exactly have a stress-free experience due to hearing nasty voices - at least not through the 1st couple weeks - but it did die down after that and got better.

So, I am enjoying this right now. I hope this low stress situation continues for a while.

So good to hear! 😃