Negative thinking in new job when faced with new challenges

HELP - I really need some good advice about what to do regarding my situation right now and my job,

I received an additional medication from my primary care doctor to help squelch the voices. I went to ER and they sent me home with nothing. I was not admitted basically because I didn't want to go.

However the voices are so intrusive that I don't think I can return to work OR focus very well. And the additional med I was given is a heavy one that slows my cognitive abilities way down.

I haven't told work that I have a mental health condition. They think I am out sick with covid-like symptoms. My employer DOES offer short and long-term disability, but i had read that with short-term disability, IF you had been treated within the last 12 months (which I have), that you're not eligible for short-term benefits.

So, I don't want to be admitted to the hospital, because all they will do there is drug me with loads of new drugs, that then I will have to slowly wean. myself off of when I come out of the hospital. That's not helpful to me right now in my life.

I DO need a pdoc, and will try to find one, referrals from my primary.

SO what do I tell my employer?!?!?? I mean, the best case scenario is that I approach my employer and tell them, that yes, I have been sick with covid-like symptoms, but that the stress of feeling like I cannot reach beyond my current. capabilities to meet their high standards has brought on an onslaught of other symptoms from a condition I have that interferes with my ability to concentrate, focus and get work done.

So, do I approach my employer and ask them if they will just lay me off so that I can go on unemployment to get better? Telling them that this is not the right fit and that I cannot really work?

I cannot apply for disability benefits because that takes YEARS AND it's not enough for me to live on anyways. My solution is to take a lower level job that has less stress involved, once I have my life in order again.

What do you think?

I'm really sorry that you are dealing with these difficulties.

To what extent does your current employer have lower level jobs that might seem suitable once you have your life in order again?

If you ask the employer to lay you off, they will document that, not lay you off and if you quit and apply for unemployment they will contest it and you will be denied.

Your choices now are continuing to work under these circumstances, ask if they can transition you to a lower level position, or possibly applying elsewhere while continuing to work the current job. I’m not including quitting because you have stated you need steady income.

Thanks, guys..... I asked for a leave of absence. I cannot work. I am applying for gov't funding to cover me during my absence. It may be as long as 1 month that I need to be out. The leave of absence is unpaid by my employer and due to exclusions, I do not qualify for short-term disability. But there are other ways to get covered financially. I think it will be OK.

And there was no way I could work under these circumstances.

((((((((Have Hope))))))))

I hope you get right treatment and get better soon. I’d focus on that.

When you feel better, look for easier job. Sure it’s lower pay but there are expenses that you can cut so you can manage. Go over yours and your husbands budget and see what could be cut. I am sure there is a ton.

You can do it. If a job makes one that sick, then no money in the world is worth it. Money is not worth ruining your health

Thanks, divine. I am getting help.... and I may need to step down to a lower level job.

So I'm on an unpaid medical leave for a month from work. I am worried about recovery and being able to return. I am worried about getting fired too. I am worried about everything right now, to be honest. My illness is impacting my marriage badly. My husband is being supportive, but he's also frustrated and doesn't know what to do. We are trying to avoid a hospitalization right now. He is worried sick, but is also kind of snapping at me sometimes too. It's his frustration coming out, I know. I tell him to please watch his tone.

This is just awful - I start a new challenging job and almost immediately, became ill enough that I cannot work. I am sick to my stomach over it. I had to leave projects mid-stream because of this.

I wonder how this is all going to pan out? I have to find a pdoc, and I am told it's nearly impossible due to covid. I am stuck between a rock and a hard place.

You primary doctor might recommend pdoc they know who takes new patients. Or your therapist knows anyone? If you tell your doctor your symptoms he might hurry up finding someone as it’s obviously something you need help with.

I don’t think they would be allowed to fire you while you are on medical leave.

Just focus on getting better.

My doctor referred me to two organizations for a pdoc. Neither one returned my call. I then went to my health insurance provider to find a pdoc within network. All cost over $200 out of pocket.... I need to try and get a hold of one to see if they have availability. My primary doctor said it's very difficult to get a psychiatrist right now due to covid. I just reached out to a friend of mine for a referral. He need med management and was trying to find a pdoc not too long ago. It will take some time to find one.

Things are just so backwards nowadays. People’s well being is so effected by all this and it will have a long last effect on society as a whole, people can’t get care they need. I hope you find someone soon. What a hassle.

I think no matter what you need to apply for disability even if you return to work. Yes it is a long process but since covid they havent been denying as many people like they used to.

I think it’s a good idea plus one can work part time on disability but wouldn’t they want to see that a person sees a psychiatrist (and has a proper diagnosis by a pdoc) and a therapist? Especially if the person has auditory hallucinations.

I have a coworker who applied for her husband and it was denied because he wasn’t under consistent care by a psychiatrist and wasn’t consistently seeing a therapist. He was prescribed meds for depression by his primary doctor but they said it’s not sufficient.

Maybe that varies by state

I really don't know what's going to happen. I just found a pdoc and have an online appt on Thurs. My doctor needs to complete the paperwork in order for me to take an unpaid leave of absence AND to get paid for my leave from the gov't. I may not be able to return to work at all, in which case, I will have to look into the options. My company does provide long term disability insurance, but I need more details about. the eligibility criteria.

And, I cannot even live on disability, if I have to go on it. I mean, I wouldn't be able to make ends meet in that case. I am really worried.

i hope you dont have to go on disability

Thank you, I am praying.

Once again, I am freaked out. My new company is now hiring for the role I currently have, and I don't know if that means they mean to replace me as soon as I return to work. I could be let go as soon as I go back.... which would be OK, I guess, since it's SUCH a challenge for me there.

But then I also heard from the VP of my former company - the messed up, toxic workplace I was recently at. He needed info from me regarding a former client I had there. He asked how the new job is, so I was honest and told him I had to take medical leave for a while, though I did not say why that is and gave no additional details. Well, he never wrote back after that.... so I reached out to a colleague from that company who took over this particular client account for me when I left the company and asked him what's up. He hasn't replied either.

So, I am freaking out that perhaps bridges are being broken and burnt, without my even knowing why or how. I could be paranoid too, since I am having auditory and visual hallucinations right now.

How could things have gone from bad to worse?????? I don't understand this. I have prayed so many times for positive changes in my life, and this is what is happening? I am experiencing dark voices again. I had to take a medical leave of absence from my new job, and the meds I am on don't seem to help ALL that much.

I am beside myself with grief and worry. And my husband is freaked out too, so right now I am scared he will throw in the towel and will give up on us and our marriage because of my current condition. I don't think he would do that, but he's hinted around being fed up with what I am dealing with, in moments of sheer frustration and upset.

I'm really sorry that so many things are so difficult right now.

Thank you @Bill3.

update: I'm still on medical leave from my job. I am working with my pdoc on medications and I've been working with various practitioners to help with the voices I've been hearing. I aim to probably return to my job by April 4th, even if I am still symptomatic. State gov't aid won't be resolved until later in April, which is too late for me. Even if I weren't symptomatic, I cannot do this job. It is over my head, and I am under-qualified. It's like facing a mountain that is too steep and too many miles high to climb or hike and saying to yourself "no way can I do this". That's how I feel about my job.

Maybe that will change miraculously, and I hope it does. But if it doesn't, then likely I will be let go for underperforming, in which case, I can still collect unemployment benefits.

I applied for a different kind of job today, but I doubt I will hear back. I added my current job on my resume, with just the title, the company name and the timeframe in which I've been employed, with no additional details like the rest of my resume reads. That was stupid. It looks stupid to me. ARGH. So of course, I now highly doubt they will even consider me.

I'm very down. And my husband is having a very difficult time with my symptoms. He's carrying way too much stress between his own work stress, my problems, issues his mother is facing, losing his father not too long ago, and his concerns about a WW3.

I am trying to stay positive and hopeful that all of this will resolve.... somehow and miraculously.

I am considering transitioning out of my niche field in digital marketing to a digital marketing account manager role. I just reached out to a former colleague who works at a new agency to ask how he likes it there since they have an opening. I may apply, if he gives positive feedback. I will ask him if he's willing to give me a reference, too.

I feel kind of desperate to leave my new/current company. I made the analogy to my closest girlfriend of what it's like trying to work there: it's like facing an enormous mountain that is steep with lots of rocks and hurdles, while having bad/hurt knees and a large 50-pound backback on your back, and saying "no, I cannot hike up this mountain". That's how I feel about the challenges I face in my new job. There's SO many challenges that I don't think I am up for facing. I am kind of just done with facing massive challenges at work.

My last job really did me in and did me no favors - it stressed me out SO much, and then I went head-first into a new job with even GREATER stress and challenges. ARGH.

I am waiting to hear back from Paid Family Medical Leave to see if my appeal is accepted and whether they will provide me with financial support while I've been away from work. I am anxiously awaiting their response.

I was going to try to return to work by April 4th, but I am dreading the conversation I must have with my CEO about where I'm really at, mentally and in my current condition. My father, wo is a psychiatrist, says I need to be at least 75% better to return to work, and that my employer will likely require a doctor's note saying I can return to work. I have my appt this Thursday with the psychiatrist with whom I am working.

It's just hard to imagine, even without my condition, that I can actually succeed in my new job. The mountain of challenges is just SO BIG. Then add on to that my condition, and I really don't have the confidence that I will make it through without getting let go or fired for not being able to do the job.

I'm trying to go back to work by next Mon/Tues and have to contact my CEO about this today. I want to ask her if I can ease into the position, given my condition combined with the learning curve. I am nervous...... about returning to work, but I need the money so badly I feel I have to go back. Paid Family and Medical Leave won't have an answer for me until maybe April 7th or as late as April 17th on whether I can be paid for being out of work due to a medical condition. I cannot keep borrowing money from my parents - I already owe them for my $1500.

ARGH. I don't know what to say to her.

My CEO has not replied....and I am worried.

It takes time to reply, she might be busy. Give it time. Does your pdoc think you are ready for work?