[BamaSurvivor]

For the past four nights, I've had nothing but dreams about using meth and/or crack. Everytime I wake up fiending for it and I think about it constantly. I can't even function enough to write my poetry right now because all I can think about is wanting a hit of dope. Do any of you ever have these dreams and wake up feeling the same way?

I wish the dreams would stop. I'm on the verge of a serious relapse, I feel it.

[shadowalker164]

I had this drunk dream when I was maybe 60 days dry. In this dream I was carrying around this half gallon jug of Jack Daniel's and in the bottle was all sorts of garbage. Swirling around in it was banana peels, egg shells, coffee grounds, all sorts of crap. I carried that bottle around throughout the entire dream trying to figure out how to get the garbage out of it.
I, like you woke up in a panic, s#%@, I had drank and screwed up my sobriety. Then I realized it was only a dream. The thing I remembered most clearly about that dream was the relief of realizing that I didn't drink after all, it was just a dream.
We all get em'

On the road thru somnambulistic theater.
Richard S.

[shadowalker164]

One more thought, have you spoken with your sponsor about this?
Places like this are OK, but face to face with your sponsor is a better idea. Also my grand sponsor told me he never knew a man to go back out that asked God for help that morning. Bama, expand on your spiritual condition. This is the crunch we wait for. This is when we see exactly how well we have worked the program. When we feel the old stuff closing in on us, we need another sober person to talk to. Call your sponsor.
Richard

[BamaSurvivor]

You're right, I do need to talk to my sponser about it. I'll call first thing in the morning, because the dreams are contiuning and it's driving me crazy. It's a relief when I wake up and know it's not real, but it's stressful at the same time. Thanks for the response, Richard.

[darkeyes]

When I quit cigarettes for about 5 years, I kept dreaming I was smoking, then when I'd wake up I'd either crave them more or feel guilty for even dreaming about them.
I imagine anything that is a habit, can have this effect on us, even in the dream state of sleep, due to the brain still craving the stuff, especially if it a physical addiction.

Take care,
DE

[shadowalker164]

Like I said before, we all get them. And yea, they can be scarry. I am so glad to see your post this morning. I thought about you over the weekend and I hoped you would be OK.

Starbright, are you reading this thread? Now would be a wonderful time for you to give back what was so freely given to you. A little love and support. Just a thought.

Bama,
loneliness consumes me?
Not a good sign.
I don’t know where you go inline for support, but try
http://www.sober24.com/soberpost/tt.asp?appid=11
It is a woman’s forum, a lot of good long term sobriety, and a bunch of newbees as well.
Come visit, You don’t need to be alone anymore, tons of people show up, lots of feedback. I hope to see you there soon.

Take care of yourself, you are here for a reason. Show yourself the same love and hope as you have shown others.

On the road with you to the good stuff,
Richard S.

[BamaSurvivor]

Thank you for the link, Richard. Think I'll go there, I need some support. I'm filled with such loneliness and self-hurt lately. Disappointed in myself because I am having these dreams and because I am craving, it makes me feel like I'm just 'dry', not sober. Does that make sense? Urg, I hate it.

[shadowalker164]

Yea, it makes perfect sense.
We took a long time to get as far into the woods as we got. and it will take a little while to get back out. Just keep walking.
We want what we want, when we want it, and in the quantity we want it in. Be paientent with yourself. You have the rest of your life to grow spiritually. Don’t be an unrealistically big hurry to become the light of the East. Progress not perfection.
My sponsor tells me that when I have extracted the maximum spiritual benefit out of a problem, the problem will go away.
Just don’t do it alone. We get and stay sick alone, we get well together.
I couldn’t do this thing without people like you, thanks
Richard

[BamaSurvivor]

Very true... Thanks. I guess lately I haven't been able to really talk and help as many people as usual and that's my 'therapy', so self-doubt has been setting in like crazy. But I need to realize I can't always help, help, help. Sometimes I need a little help too.

[StargazerLily]

Hey all..

I'm *supposed* to be gone, but the good doc never got rid of this name and I just look at the regular screen usually without loging in. Well I saw this and I thought I'd respond, for the sake of what Richard said.

Anyways, I know the feeling. As much as I'm hating being sober I'm just *supposed* to be. And I hate the after effects. Some nights I don't want to sleep because of dreams or I'll go to bed because I can still taste the alcohol in my mouth. Just I can't fulfill my wants right now. Until later on, maybe. I just don't know how to cut my contacts.

Well, this wasn't about me, it's about you. Well, I don't know much more to say than (((((((((((Bama)))))))))))

You have helped a lot, thanks for just being there, even though I'm still screwing around, sorry 'bout that. And if you ever just want to hear another person's voice, if I'm awake I'll answer.

Yeah, we all need help sometimes

~Kayleigh

[shadowalker164]

Thank you Starbright,
Richard

[StargazerLily]

No problem at all..
Kayleigh

[BamaSurvivor]

Thanks for coming in here, Star. It's nice to know you're still alive and at least doing half way ok. (((starbright)))

Well, I talked to my T and I talked to David. Both said I need to attend more AA and/or NA meetings than usual and that should help with the desire a little and I need to get a better phone contact system to call people at any given time when I need them. I only have two numbers and I don't like waking people up who have families in the middle of the night, so I just sit alone and cry.

I messed up. *cry* I took 12 Klonipons. I know that's not falling off the wagon completely, but it still hurts me and the guilt is so bad. I don't know why I gave in, pills weren't even what I was dreaming about... I feel so weak. I feel so alone. I feel so sufficated.

[shadowalker164]

Bama….
Meetings are a good thing, but working the steps like your life depends on it is where the real relief from the cravings comes from. You are working the steps?
As for bothering someone, just like when Starbright and you share with each other, you feel better about you, so do the people on your list. The same list you are going to expand on. Get more numbers, use them. You know what to do. Do it.

Bama, I keep looking for you but don’t see you.

http://www.sober24.com/SoberPost/default.asp
Here is a bunch of people just like you sitting in front of their computers at 2 in the morning looking for someone just like you. Make yourself available to them. They will benefit, and so will you.

I quote…“I feel so weak. I feel so alone. I feel so suffocated. Loneliness Consumes Me...”
How long do you think you can go on like this?
Baby, you’re breaking my heart.
you are in that hard place where you feel like there is no good point left on your compass, it’s not true.
Do the next right thing, get out of yourself, and into the solution. Go be of help to someone else. They need what you have, and you need them.

God helps those who help themselves, Into action.

Richard

[StargazerLily]

Richard, I think you have good advice to offer, but your words confuse me..lol..

Kayleigh

[BamaSurvivor]

Richard, I did go to the site but it said something about paying after a certain amount of time and when I tried participating in the forums, it said I couldn't post, I could only read. What's that about?

I am working the steps, very slowly... I don't want to work a step I'm not ready for yet, so although I've read through the 10th step, I'm only working on my third step right now. Boy is Step Three an emotional step. *whew* I had to go back to my childhood, which was painful. I needed to talk with people most then, but no one to call who really wanted to listen.

I just have a problem with taking numbers of people who have a family at home. I don't want to wake them up in the middle of the night nor their children. I don't want to call and interrupt family time, you know? It's so hard for me.

[jennefer]

Generally, I tend to have a drug dream when I'm actually going through something else in life emotionally or spiritually.Because I have a disease that wants me back and for death the little red devil chooses to work on me the only way it can. But I must say they still seem so real. I find myself looking around to regain my surroundings to make sure it didn't happen. What I have noticed is there is always something more significant in the dream like a detail of a name or number, old behavior and that's the message I need to focus more on. Someone once told me it's a dream consider it on the house. Hope this helps

[BamaSurvivor]

Thanks Jennifer, now that I think about it... There is always something more significant in my dreams. They usually take place at this old abandoned house and it's always the same people, most of who I don't know or never seen. Hmm, strange.