Cant seem to get this...

I've been attending AA since October 2009. I can't even put together a month. I just left again in january because i convinced myself i never had a problem. I just ended up drinking everyday and all day. Nothing had changed since i stopped drinking. A week after i quit i was doing things that made me sick, and its worse cause i know that i have an option to go back. I called my sponsor and started going to meetings again. I just want to be able to accept being an alcoholic and get better. I am miserable every time i drink. The thing i hate those is having to do stuff. My sponsor makes me hit a mtg every day, and she makes me read the big book and call people and a million other little things that i just don't want to do. i guess I just want to be happy and have the things she has, but i don't want to do anything to get them. I'll have 30 days on the 20 of this month, if i make it till then. I'm really trying to listen this time, i hope i make it. I just can't keep playing this in and out game anymore.

so glad u posted. i'm sure you know the term "surrendering". unless we admit that we are POWERLESS when we drink and SURRENDER to that fact we will continue to fail. your drinking history already has proven you are powerless to alcohol. i was so down and desperate that i finally got it. you don't have to go down as far as i did.
to succed and gain sobriety we need "to go to any lengths to achieve sobriety". it's good you are following your sponsors direction. however listening is part of the key. networking and asking for help also helps. get to know other ppl in your group. i'd add one more thing...raise your hand and talk about how difficult this process has been for you, your inability to admit powerlessness. ask the group to talk about this.
to qualify myself i have 21 years sober. i couldn't do it alone. it's a "we program". you can pm me anytime if you want to chat. i hope i can give you more suggestions about your struggle and perhaps solutions. right now you want to drink more than you want to be sober.

Good luck, geniousjess.

Congratulations on working on your sobriety. I believe you have discovered the secret, which is that we inch towards good lives and that sometimes it might not feel like progress but it really is. Not wanting to play an in and out game anymore is progress of a major kind. I send you

Hi "Jess" ~ I felt the exact same way when I joined AA. I didn't want to do all that "stuff" either. I especially didn't want to call people. I didn't want to call my sponsor all the time, so I just didn't! I figured I had better work the Steps, so I DID do that. But alot of the other stuff, I just didn't do. I went to meetings cause that's the only way I could stay sober. I didn't work the Steps in ORDER either. I jumped around, and did them in the order I wanted. LOL

You know what? I stayed sober, and this year, God willing, I'll have 18yrs clean & sober. So I guess you don't have to do it exactly "by the book" but you have to WANT sobriety more than anything else -- and I did!

So do what you're told (I should talk) and keep going to meetings - and God bless. And congratulatiions on 30 days! That's marvelous! Hugs, Lee

Good luck in figuring out which parts will work for you and which parts you can leave out. That said, I have a new theory that I made up all by myself that no one else ever thought of - Usually if there is something I don't want to do in 12-step, that I am capable of, then there's probably a damn good reason I should be doing it.

I know, nothing special, but letting go is so damn hard. I feel for you bud. Hang in there and keep going back. Eventually, it hurts less than not going.

double dipping here-yes, in AA everything is a suggestion but if i took a short cut to make it easier i found i couldn't stay sober for very long. it would come back and bite me in the butt when i least expected it. finally i decided to do it "their way". it worked.

i've been sober 8yrs..spent the first 2yrs in AA until I decided to listen to what my gut was saying and quit...perhaps AA isn't for you? Wanting what someone else has is the sort of thinking that AA loves...why not try going for what you want? Perhaps if you could find that out you'd be half way to not sabotaging with dRink? AA is ok for identifying the problem after that its for you to discover what you are all about..some need the drama of AA to replace the drama of alcohol, others just qUit the drama..good luck

I have tried quitting. In fact the last time i tried, i walked completely away from AA. However within a few hours i was drunk, which i thought was fine. But when i didn't put a drink down for over a week i started to suspect i wasn't just "getting it out of my system." When i show up to work wasted, when i pick up strangers off the street, when i pick fights with the people closest to me, when i can't even control or predict or stop myself from doing these things, i think i have a problem. So i don't want to drink, but each time i've left AA the first thing i do is drink. The truth is, i don't mind going to meetings. I have lots of friends, i love the people, i just don't like being told what to do.

Hello, geniousjess. Learn the program and tell yourself.