Cant take my own advice!

I think i give out good advice but i'll be damned if i know why i cant live by my own advice!! Ive been involved with some sort of addictive substance for almost 30yrs, which at 15 was cigarettes. I quit them once for 2yrs but that was only coz i fell pregnant & really i only gave up for the baby which in actual fact is giving up for someone else & not entirely for me! Over the years ive been hooked on amphetamines (call 'em wot u like) & in the last 5yrs i managed to get off the meth only by getting myself hooked on heroin!! NOT A SUBSTITUTE I WOULD RECOMMEND!! So...i got on a program & 2yrs later finally i was clean of 30yrs of hell. But the story doesnt end there!! As if possessed by the devil itself in the last 6mths have relapsed & back injecting meth again!! Im a stupid stupid biatch i know this coz i tell myself every single day ova & ova again. Which by the way doesnt help my issues with self esteem one little bit. So now i find myself back in the pit of **** & i hate myself for it. Ive tried everything, believe me i have but now recently married to my love of 8yrs & i find his urges for the substance feed mine & vice versa. My hubby & me are in this boat together & i fear its sinking fast! In the past i would have walked away from triggers but now im married to the trigger & so is he. We just dont seem to be able to say 'no' to temptation. We both know where we're at but still it doesnt seem to stop us from indulging. He sees us as casual users now but i dont coz i know theres no 'casual' when meth is involved. When we're not 'on' we smoke pot & drink alcohol but we continue to wait for the next hit!!
Anyone in the same boat?

Hi ~ I've BEEN in the same boat. I'm a recovering alcoholic/addict, and my life was out of control and pure hell when I was using. If there wasn't any chaos, I CREATED it. I didn't know how to live daily life. I was good in a crisis, but worthless in just living day to day. I just couldn't cope.

I knew I was killing myself. For some reason, I finally realized that I didn't WANT to die -- and I had to do something about it for ME, not for ahyone else. My husband at the time was also an alcoholic. Our marriage was lousy -- and when I got sober, it got worse, so we divorced.

Getting sober was the best thing I could have done for myself. Sure, I was afraid that I wouldn't have anything to take the PLACE of the stuff I was abusing --- but as it turned out, I didn't even have TIME to abuse substances. I joined AA, and they kept me so busy that there just wasn't the opportunity (or desire) to go back to living in hell. With the support of the other members, I was able to stay sober -- and I now have 18 years clean/sober.

You have to realize that you're going to DIE if you don't stop this insanity. Do it for YOU -- don't stop for anyone else. Please get some help --- most of us can't stop alone -- we need support. I don't want you to die. God bless. Hugs, Lee

WOW that punched me hard! Thank you for your honesty coz the truth hurts but that's reality & i NEED to hear more like this to punch me back into reality.

I feel ur warmth & passion...thank you

gypsy i can relate to the insanity of addiction. i did almost die and i have had friends who did including my bgf for life. she was 45. had 5 wonderful young adults/kids. in my case i was fortunate that someone lived with me at the time and knew i needed immediate help-ER. i didn't intentionally do this. it is all a blur for about 15 hours-semi coma. so addiction offing ppl is something very personal.
i did go to AA and 6 mos. of outpatient treatment 9-3 M-F. if you know you're in trouble and i believe you do, get clean. if you and hubby are codependents with drug use you're neither good for the other, imo. you may not even really know him.
i'm glad u posted and hope you'll give us updates. there's NA too. just do it for YOURSELF. you deserve to give yourself a life free of being chained in bondage with addiction. you/we aren't living in the true sense of the world when we use. we are escaping reality and isn't that what life is all about/ reality?
we're here for you gypsy.-i'm 21 yrs clean and sober and happy, joyous and free! if i could do it, you can too!

Meth, pot, booze and then some, crippled my mind after many many years of active addiction. Now I'm paying for it and it ain't pretty.

That's right, quitting dope is not a walk in the park. I had to want to be drug free more than life its self. Having some recovery skills don't hurt either.

Knowing what to do about getting out of active addiction is a good start. Following-up that knowledge with action is the next step.

I hope you can get a addiction plan together, get support and commit yourself to recovery 'no matter what'.

Hubby & me found each other during the worst yrs & we have truely helped each other go from the brink of probably wot would have ended then in prison or even worse death! & we stuck by each other thru thick & thin. we made the commitment of marriage together once clean & the one thing we do know is that we have each other. although not totally productive at times & codependant in substance abuse we DO know each other to the core of our souls & we wouldnt be together if we didnt. we both went thru the 2 yrs on the program for heroin withdrawl & thats a place we never will allow ourselves to go back to...its just the stumbling block we've fallen over now. He works 6 days outta 7 & has done for last 2yrs & i run the home/kids etc until i can find a paying job that fits into sch hrs. i guess the use of drugs kills the boredom inbetween that we still havent got quite use to & although the drug use isnt daily or every other day its the effects after use that worries me & then the 'want' of more to contain. We would fall apart completely if we didnt have each other, we truely are best friends & know each other probably better than we know ourselves at times and we do listen & hear what the others saying. Now here's the thing... we generally use the meth for the best sex and thats where the problem really lies. We have wicked sex on it and i think its the sex thats addictive, the high from the sex is better than any drug but it seems the drug is needed in order for that sex to happen. geez thats all very personal isnt it!! oh well here goes i'll press 'submit reply' now

It does not sound like you have anything else in your life. Yes, you stopped for the baby/because you were pregnant but what is wrong with that? You decided to stop and it was for you -- you deemed the baby important enough to you to stop. You need to find or decide to create other things of importance to you. If you truly love your husband, make your and his health a priority and be the "strong" one and work on denying the two of you the immediate pleasure. You say you have helped one another? Well, help him and yourself now by leading the two of you out of this hell?

Your're right Perna, I dont have anything else in my life. Its just me, hubby & my 2 daughters who are 10yrs & 17yrs. We're healthy & generally happy but i am lonely which leads to boredom i guess. Me & hubby took ourselves well & truely out of the circle of friends/acquaintences 2yrs ago when we left the messy scene we were associated with. Which left us with noone but it had to be done. I guess it'll take a little more time to find a job & some friends then maybe the strenghth you talk about. Its just not always that black & white. Sure im not a weak person im just finding it hard to find the strenghth within (again)! But im a survivor so for now i'll keep your words of strenghth & wisdom right along side me & i thank you for your thoughts.