Daily addiction check in #1

I got an interesting link from the meeting coordinator at Recovery International when I sent an inquiry about attending and mentioned why. It's written by someone who attended RI and AA.
https://www.recoveryinternational.or...-Alcholism.pdf

On topic - still walkin' the walk.

Thanks for the post, UpDownAround. Interesting reading.

RI wouldn't be for me, though. I keep my bipolar & alcoholism pretty much separate when dealing with addiction. Since I've been around quite a few years, my fellow AA members realize that I'm likely to disappear for a month or more at some point during the year to "take care of myself." They know I have bipolar disorder, but I don't address it fully in meetings; that's my therapist's job (I didn't even like the NAMI meetings I attended).

As far as AA's steps go, I pretty much ignore Steps 3, 6, 7 & 11. I have serious problems with the god-concept, so I don't mix that in with my sobriety. It seems RI sticks with AA's script on those steps, but "take what you need & leave the rest."

The person who wrote the testimonial chose to blend RI with AA and faith. Neither is an integral part of RI; at its core it seems to be self administered CBT learned in a group format. I do see things differently than you; I would rather address my MH issues together rather than separately. My substance use issues are strongly correlated with mood swings. It is when I am depressed that my substance use becomes a problem. It is when I have an elevated mood that I decide I can handle it and allow myself to start back down the path. I have integrated problems and I think I require an integrated solution.

Day 3 and starting to feel marginally human again.

I'm so happy for you, splitimage! I remember what a good feeling it was when the lights came back on again. I'm not blowing smoke up your butt when I write that you've been in my thoughts. Whatever method works for you, I know you'll be able to walk the path of sobriety again; you've done it before.

I think it's great that you recognize your triggers. There was a time when I used alcohol to self-medicate (now I just use total isolation to get me through my rough spots ). I'm 56-years-old...I went to my first AA meeting when I was 20! Lemme tell you, I have nowhere near 36 years of sobriety, nor was I able to get continuously sober in a few stints of sobriety. Heck! I know several folks who have gotten sober without any program at all!

I guess my point (& I totally hear the wonderful message you're laying down) is that pain & fear were the great motivators for me. I got tired of the suicide attempts when I was blind drunk...got tired of spending too much money or ruining relationships when mania & alcohol-fueled irresponsibility screwed me again & again! I just got tired & I hurt so much. I realized that alcohol was a MAJOR contributing factor...& that when I quit drinking my prescribed meds worked better. In my old age, mania isn't as much of a problem where really problematic behaviors are concerned - it's just "happy time!" . Depression? It still kicks my butt mightily a few times a year, but now I just isolate rather than drink. I know if I drink again when depressed it will eventually lead to a suicide attempt that will finally be successful (& I've come frightenly close). If you look at statistics, a majority of suicides take place when folks are under the influence of alcohol or something else. So, I guess pain, fear, & self-realization are my greatest tools where sobriety is concerned...but AA is a major factor in my sobriety, too.

I really enjoy bouncing things off you, UpDownAround (& the rest of you, too!). Really thinking about things & hearing about programs & methods that help others, helps ME! Thank you to those of you who contribute to this forum. And splitimage...We've got your back!

Interesting EMGreen; you are a couple of years younger than I am but you have been confronting the problem a lot longer.

It is about to be Labor Day weekend, so some well meaning admin person was making the rounds with gift bags. Mine had a couple of Oktoberfest beers in it. I swapped them out for a Mexican Coca Cola and Fanta Grape. The Mexican ones still use cane sugar. I didn't have the heart to tell her I am also dieting; besides, my teenagers will enjoy them. I just started the diet a few days ago because I have so much more willpower since wellbutrin was added to the mix. I am one of the lucky ones who get the appetite suppressant effect from it.

2 months, 1 week but I am not one weak yet...

YES!!! "...not one weak yet..." Heh! Heh! Heh!

Congratulations on 2 months Updownaround. That's awesome.

I had a good meeting with my addictions Dr. yesterday. The addictions program at that hospital is undergoing massive changes, and cuts. So one of the groups that I regularly went to has been cancelled completely. I'm sad to lose that source of support.

She asked me if I wanted to repeat their IOP program and I said no. I've been in treatment 7 times and don't feel I need more, I know what to do, it's just a question of doing it. She did however tell me about 2 new groups I might be interested in. One is a psychoeducational group about addictions and mental illness. (Theyre trying to integrate the psychiatric and addictions programs more). The other group is a stress management / introduction to mindfulness group run by a facilitator who I really like. I was lucky I got into both. So now I'll have 2 touchpoints a week with the rehab/hospital, which will both help me stay sober, and give my week some routine through the fall. Both groups run for 12 weeks.

So onto Day 5

splitimage

Congrats on Day 5, splitimage! I'm also glad you found some resources which will give you tools the next time you have a craving. The 12 week programs will give you some time to accumulate dry time. I found that the longer away I got from my last drink, the more cravings subsided. Good luck & keep going!

Alcohol
internet
food
self sex
I am bipolar 1

abilify is not working for me.
am already gaining weight.
A friend of mine said I should try lithium.
my aunt took this and has tremors so bad and it killed her thyroid.

Having said this all Anti psychotics run this risk.
My therapist doesn't think I am hypomanic. She thinks this is me not dealing with my addictions.
she could be right.

which came first? the hypomania or the addictions?
bizi

Depends how long you have been drinking for...

I stopped drinking 2 years+ ago myself and alcohol definitely changes the makeup of ones mental health like it's a known depressant!

Congrats, splitimage! Breaking that cycle and getting in a few days makes it easier. I think of it as a lead to protect.

Bizi "good" hypomania (when Happy shows up, not Grumpy) is like a drug to me and I was starting to worry if it was an addiction. Then I crashed and was reminded it isn't up to me. I have more trouble when depressed. I tend to try to get euphoria from alcohol, drugs or orgasms, and surf the net too much (all the time) and eat too much.

Good job splitimage! And I am glad you have access to that support.

I'm once again feeling the urge to disappear. Once or twice a year I stop going to meetings because of depression & paranoia. This wouldn't be a big problem except for the fact that I have a key to the Alano Club & I'm sometimes the only one who has a key to open up for meetings. In addition, this past "safe time," I was calling a lot of people in the program to prevent me from disappearing again. Now that I'm in a bad space again, I wish I hadn't called people so much. I'll be forced to ignore calls & texts, which seems rude. I don't worry about drinking again since I feel I've got Step 1 burned into my brain; I do worry about saying stupid crap at meetings, since I feel my social filters have been down lately (or that's just my paranoia working). I've talked about having bipolar disorder in the past, but this time around it will be more difficult disappearing since I have a key, two sponsees, & several phone contacts. I'm going to need to tick a lot of people off to "take care of myself" this time. I have an appointment with T tomorrow & an appointment with pdoc on the 13th. I'm feeling a need to adjust my attitude & meds.

If money was not a factor I would remain a drug addict forever

Fear that borders on paranoia is my ally as far as illegal drugs go. I was a heavy user in my youth, but once I got out of tech school and was working in a job that I could lose if I were busted I was a lot more careful and used them more infrequently. When I married and started a family, I stopped completely, not because I saw the light and made myself a better person but out of fear. I still jones for pot and psychedelics. My recent troubles were with alcohol and prescribed drugs (opioids and adderall). It crushed me to come clean with my family but again with the fear - I was afraid I would lose them if I kept lying about it.

So um I had a bladder infection that made me feel drunk I went into the hospital last night fearing that my psychosis returned but what really had happened was I was allergic to the antibiotics so they gave me some benedryl! I came home the color to my arms and feet started to come back to normal I was no longer looking like a lobster! Bigger relief is no more antibiotics and another medication to put on my allergic list!

Oh yeah I am close to my 2month mark of being sober plus 2 years! I always revert to saying it's only been a month sober even if it's been two years I wanna stay in that mind set that it took me a harsh turn to make me stay sober!

Congratulations on getting 2+ years Greentiresforme. That's fantastic.

Today is one week for me. Feels good to have most of the withdrawal done, although I still have a low grade headache. So now it's maintaining sobriety which I know I can do with support.

Good on you both - splitimage and greentires4me. I am coming up on 2 + 2, but it is 2 months plus 2 weeks on Friday (but who's counting?). I am back in my low key sulk, which is a danger zone for me. I don't feel like I am about to slip; I just know from my history that this is where I have to be most vigilant.

Friday will be 3 mos if I can make it there.

Hang in there childofchaos831!

childofchaos, you can totally do it. Think about how good it will feel to actually hit 30 days.

Cheering for you.

splitimage

childofchaos, I am still about two and a half weeks behind you; don't ever let me catch you.

I went to my first RI meeting last night. It reminded me of a Star Trek TNG episode where they came across a race that spoke only in titles of historical events. They have a cheat sheet of the most common phrases ("tools"). You break down an incident that occurred in your daily life and how you handled it using the tools and they go around and others mention a tool and how it applies to the situation. The idea is that you will become accustomed to thinking of things from that perspective and react more rationally (this is an oversimplification). Decisions are not rash and reactions are not as volatile. there are tons of self help resources out there that will give you similar techniques but I think what sets this apart is going to the meetings and participating to get the repetition so you will actually do it. A lot of books or seminars will get you really motivated but motivation has a really short shelf life; you need to grind it out to make it stick.