Daily addiction check in #1

So far, so good. I haved surgery scheduled for Oct 5th, and I don't know how recovery will be from that. It is supposedly minimally invasive, so it could be not that bad...

I have a torn rotator cuff which will be operated on in November &, like you, I have been making it with tramadol...I've found it's not very effective. Back pain is a mother, though, so take your doctor's advice.

A week without a meeting (no big deal for most), but I usually go to 5-6. Isolation is sinking in, but no desire to drink.

I had my first urge in a while today. It wasn't strong and it came and went pretty quickly. I didn't come close to giving in. It was like an unwelcome thought snuck in and I booted it back out as soon as I noticed it was there. But it was there.

3 days until it is 3 months.

That's pretty common, UpDownAround. I probably shouldn't mention it but there were times early on when I even had "drinking dreams." I was drinking in my dream & woke up in a panic - like I'd screwed up. Our minds can play tricks on us, but it sounds like you dealt with your urge perfectly! Congrats.

I have had the dreams, but I am a fairly lucid dreamer; in the dreams I remember when waking, I usually was aware it was a dream in the dream when I started waking.
The urge was like a thought displaced from another time, back when I was drinking. I noted an opportunity to grab something for later as if I forgot I quit. Pretty quickly I had the "DOH! I don't do that anymore" correction.

I have had 2 major abdominal and 1 shoulder surgery since getting sober. I made it through and didn't drink. I used the medications as prescribed or less as I healed.

If your doctor knows you'll need pain meds then believe them! They've done this before, you probably haven't! Right after surgery, just go with it, you don't need to be in pain. Too much pain can set you up for a "I'll take anything to get rid of this pain" mentality. Avoid that, that's dangerous with a capital D! The disease of addiction can be very subtle and so extremely tricky.

It's also important to know that most pain meds are most effective if there's a certain level in your body. So don't take 1 tablet and then wait until you're in supreme pain again before taking another. Use your brain and keep a maintenance level of pain meds in your system. Stay in touch with your pain level and act accordingly.

My best advice, based on my experiences, is to learn to recognize your motivation for what you do (in all things). Awareness of what you're doing and exactly why you're doing it is key. If I fake excruciating pain and beg for pain meds that's kind of obvious. Be honest with yourself. Sneaky faking or exaggeration can be tough to pick up on. And if you realize you're fudging a little bit, give yourself a break! We're all human!!

I made a promise that I would be honest, evaluate and talk with my spouse about the need for pain meds when I needed them. Get a game plan together, make contingency plans, the what if plans, whatever it takes to be prepared. Your next slip could be your last as in never make it back, don't let necessary medication set you up for a relapse.

I went up to a friends house and well they were again drinking he didn't tell me that over the phone if I knew that I wouldn't have bothered and they were chain smoking and I am allergic to cig smoke!

Wtf he knows I don't drink so why did he invite me up? I took my inhalers I am trying to breathe but it hurts just waiting for the inhaler to kick in can take 5-30mins I thought I was going to fall over so I scoffed down some food. But geeze second time I was not told why didn't he tell me I am starting to think he doesn't value our friendship.

People keep telling me I need to get out and network because my position might not be funded next year. So it could be helpful to make some contacts. There are plenty of meet and greets with other techies, but nearly all of them involve alcohol. I would not have to drink, of course. But when you throw in my social awkwardness it would be a really dangerous situation. Most of the events without alcohol are presentations without much chance for socializing (which i suck at anyway). The risk of blowing my sobriety and coming away with no good contacts seems really high. It is not a done deal that I will be out of work and I do have some recruiter contacts.

greentires4me, this is the second time you've faced the same situation, & both times you emerged sober. I know it would have been far more difficult if you didn't already have two years & change of sobriety. Still, that friend doesn't sound like much of a friend since he must also have known about your asthma. The term "asshat" comes to mind.

UpDownAround, that is a difficult situation. Since your social anxiety & drinking have kind of dovetailed in the past, I really feel for you. It does remind me, however, of something someone said at a meeting. When asked if he wanted a drink, this guy always said, "I don't drink normally"...as if to sound like "usually." I got a kick out of that. If you get the urge to drink at one of these functions, it might also help to get the phone number of a member of your recovery group so you can call if the urge strikes you. Good luck.

emgreen,
I wrote that up with my mind pretty much decided against it. I have been in my current position so long I really have never networked. It sounds like speed dating for professional contacts. It's been a while, but I always did okay in interviews because it isn't awkward; I was there to talk about what I have done in my jobs, their company and their job. I hope it doesn't happen this year, but I will just have to work with the recruiters and answer Indeed.com ads if it does. If you network, you supposedly hear about more jobs and meet people who may be looking to hire. Some jobs never go to recruiters or get posted anywhere. I hope I am the guy who makes it to 2020 (there will probably be only one doing support by then).

I am just having anxiety about the whole situation right now. It (the anxiety) comes and goes. What sucks is there will probably be no warning. That's very common in software; pissing people off and then letting them access your network for a few more days is a bad idea.

Up late and it is past midnight. So, 3 months!

Three months is huge! For many people, things really start to change after that threshold...The urges become less & ;ess frequent. I know, however, that six months is the timeframe that's really given you problems in the past. Given the fact that you're in a recovery program now, you'll be able to accumulate more tools to beat time, depression, & anxiety. Congrats, again!

Thanks. I selected the t I see based on expertise in mood disorders and substance abuse. As we inventoried my history, she pointed out the correlations of mood swings and drinking/using. She is concentrating on giving me tools to keep from getting in the bad place where I choose to drink/use rather than attacking it directly, at least not yet. I was in denial from my first BP dx for a long time and have accepted it (had it "rechecked") and I am in treatment and getting more appropriate meds than I did in the past when I had my primary treat it like unipolar depression and kept quitting meds. Now I am on a mix with a mood stabilizer, more carefully titrated AD and a ADHD med that isn't a stimulant. I am also attacking the problem head on as a focal point using the tools I am learning in Recovery International meetings. So I have a lot more things aligned to reduce the odds of slipping back into the old behavior. I have also been a lot more open with family and care team so I have more eyes on me.

Congratulations on hitting the 3 month mark UpDownAround, that's a really big accomplishment.

I hit 2 weeks today, and I'm starting to get some of the pink cloud feelings again.

splitimage

Thanks, splits and congrats to you as well. You are up to counting in weeks and not just days; next will come months, then hopefully years...

110 days, since it is now past midnight!

Awesome. Keep up the great work childofchaos.

Excellent!

☺ childofchaos! childofchaos! ☺

Way to go, childofchaos! You're sneaking up on four months!

Something occurred to me. I might be claiming one extra day by using days since my last drink as opposed to full days of sobriety completed. My last drink was on 6/25. So was yesterday 3 months or today? I would actually rather it be today as 6/25 is kids birthday. My first complete day of sobriety was 6/26. It was so long ago when I was in AA that I forget which way they do it. The last few times I quit for several months I didn't even note the starting date exactly.

EDIT - I think AA does it the way I was doing it because they call the first Day 1 and you have not completed it until midnight when they call it Day 2; there is no Day 0. I still am going to go with the 26th just to move it off the birthday.

It's one of those funky math things:

"Today makes 5 days" = "I have completed 4 days"

As a general rule, I no longer announce my anniversaries at AA meetings. It truely is, "One day at a time." Some say that the person who woke up earliest in the morning has more sobriety than a late-riser! I like that approach...All folks with substance abuse issues are equals.

To your question, however, AA generally uses that day of one's last drink as the anniversary. I suggest keeping 6/25 as your anniversary date...because it's my birthday, too! Seriously, go with 6/25, because that day has other significance to you rather than just being another random day. I think it's extremely important for folks early in sobriety to count their days! EXTREMELY important! In time, however, one day more, or less, doesn't make a difference in the big scheme of things. How you feel will be the biggest issue. The "pink cloud" splitimage described may not last forever, but it's a wonderful feeling after the horrible feelings we had after our last drunk.

My family knows I quit but never asked the exact date and I never brought it up with them, mostly because I will likely get this response -"What? You were drinking on my birthday?" It was actually late that night and we had done a long weekend at the beach to celebrate so we packed, travelled, unpacked and did nothing special on the actual birth date. But I still think I will get hit with that.

Count the days...In AA, newcomers start counting in multiples of days...30, 60, 90...Tell them you have 90 days if that's what it works out to! The day isn't as important as the commitment & the families of alcoholics view changing behaviors (such as seeking counseling/ meetings/tools) as being more important than time.

I can't count the number of times I said, "I'll never drink again!" Or the number of times when I'd accumulated a number of days of sobriety & said, "See I'm over getting drunk!" The important thing is changing behaviors; making them see how important sobriety is to you, & through continually accumulating sobriety, building trust - the absolute number of days won't matter as much to them as it does to us. I just know I treat my loved ones better now that I'm sober, and they see that. When I was drinking there were times when a 12 pack took precidence over my obligations to family. Please don't think I'm minimizing time sober (as I posted before accumulated time is EXTREMELY important for newcomers). However you're counting the days, I can tell from what you write that you're a different person than you were 90 days ago.

My first day sober was July 12th 2015 I quit cold turkey on July 11th