Daily addiction check in #1

Not really. I live with my mother, and she doesn't even want to acknowledge that I am in pain, when I am scheduled for surgery.

After care will almost certainly require you to take some heavy meds so you will keep the muscles relaxed during the first few days of healing. You will need to muster some serious will power if it is self administered. Keep posting through this and at least we can offer moral support. Hang tough!

Hi Everyone,

Today is day 7 for me. Happy I made a week. I'm still having really crazy strong cravings to drink, but I'm determinedly staying on my Antabuse until I can get to a better headspace.

I have an appointment with my addictions Dr. today, and will hopefully here whether or not I can repeat the IOP program, and if the answer is yes, when I can start.

splitimage

Way to go, splitimage! It sounds like you're doing everything in your power to stay sober! You've got to want it, & you obviously do!

First week under your belt! Way to go, splitimage!

The stressors in my life coupled with the opportunities to drink are almost getting comical. In an odd way, it is getting easier to resist just because there are so damn many. What? You again? Don't you ever give up? No chinks in my armor; still fighting the good fight. A week from today will be 3 months.

So I am still chasing you, childofchaos. I hope I never catch you and don't stumble myself, either.

Fantastic, UpDownAround. I know the fact your wife was away provided opportunities to "sneak" a drink, but you passed that open door. Three months is on the horizon! In the past I know you've written that six months is a troublesome time for you...& depression, too. Try to avoid the point of view that "I've got this," because I've had that attitude in the past & it jumped up & bit me in the ***. Now that you've got your recovery group, I'm sure it will be easier for you this time around. Keep on, bro!

You know what I hate is all the posts on Facebook of people drinking or going to drink it's like "paint nights" my sister goes to them it's like her opportunity to drink or something then everyone there is always drinking it pisses me off!

emgreen - My wife is back from her first outing and about to go on the second. I still have my guard up. I know when it seems too easy is when you can slip by not avoiding a temptation that you think will be no problem. Something going on with one of the kids requires my vigilance while my wife is gone.

greentires - I am not too bothered by that. It's not like they send it to me on purpose. I am glad that some of my friends don't have any trouble with it. I wouldn't wish this on them. I would wish it on my worst enemy, though. I really hate that guy...

Thanks for the encouragement everyone. Met with my addictions Dr. today and it was very emotionally intense. But she's letting me redo the IOP program, starting this Wed. It's Mon, Wed, and Fri. mornings for 10 weeks.

Looking forward to it.

splitimage

That's great! You did well when you went thru the times before, hopefully it will help again.

I didn't go to a meeting Sunday, Monday, or Tuesday, but that probably doesn't sound like a big deal, to many. I've been known to isolate from meetings for months at a time - no desire to drink during that time. The more I isolate, however, the less I feel comfortable leaving the house. It's no big deal, I'll cope with it. It's just starting to feel that way...

I am also did not go to any meeting this week. With wife out of town and shuttling kids around and needing to be home, it just isn't workable. I saw t today and she asked me to check in since I left her the message to ask. I am too wiped out to even think about a drink. Plus I am titrating wellbutrin to find the right dose; either 200 or 300. I am now thinking 300. A couple of days ago I was going the other way but I had taken too much immediate release at once (I didn't know I needed to break it into 2 doses). Anyway, at that dosage level wellbutrin is a magnifier for hangovers so I have another disincentive. But it is pulling me out of the funk that was my "center" for so long.

Are you sure you want to be missing sessions of your recovery group? It sounds like you're doing well. I disappear from AA for long periods of time...& tend to shut people out if they encroach on my privacy. I've called for an appt. with my T but haven't heard from her. Isolation is just looking like a distinct possibility...for a while, anyways. It sounds like you've got plenty to keep you occupied.

Emgreen,

I can really relate - not to meetings, but wanting to isolate. I have social phobia, and sometimes it's really hard to force myself to leave my apartment to go to groups or even to just go out shopping. But I do know that if I do force myself to go out I do feel better afterward. Isolating and staying in my apartment for too long, just makes it harder and harder to go out, and eventually does weird things to my head.

Hoping you can get out to some of your meetings, even if not all of them, maybe just one a week.

splitimage

Thanks for the empathy. I'm sure you understand, however, that going out becomes an obstacle at times. There's a part of me that knows I'd feel better if I made the attempt to get out once a week, or so, but introspection & taking inventory outside AA seems like the correct path. I know I'm just isolating &, as you wrote, it "does weird things to my head." It's hard to fight inertia, though. I'll try to make my committed meeting on Friday. I'm also not sleeping much lately, which makes me feel even more "out there."

The garbage I've been writing about has nothing to do with sobriety. I'm sorry I wasted time on this thread writing of my personal issues. Fact is, I've gone missing from AA for months before & never had the desire to drink. I'm convinced that's because I've been to so many meetings over the years. If nothing else, Step One saves my arse: "We admitted we were powerless over alcohol - That our lives had become unmanageable." When I drink, I drink too much & do stupid shite...Case closed.

@Emgreen the other greenie it's okay we don't need to go AA I have never gone but I have an addictions counsellor that is free that I see!

You don't need to prove anything to anyone only one ur accountable to is yourself!

Be at peace with yourself and everything will fall into place even being sober!!

One of my kids was IP and released to us with a court order for adult presence; school and work are okay but not at home while I go to a meeting. he didn't work last night, which was the night I would have gone. Urges have not been a problem for the last month or so. Right now I am still hung up in this wellbutrin titration. Every time I think I have decided something changes. 300 mg seemed right for knocking out depression but I was really wiped out last night and I am off my game today. Back to thinking maybe 200. Anyway, the last thing I want to do is bring another substance into the equation, if I didn't already have enough reasons.

On another subject, when I quit drinking and using I came clean with my family including the kids. So when I was talking to one who has started vaping about why he is using a nicotine blend, I got the response "I get it that you don't enjoy nicotine. Some people don't like adderall." Ouch!

UpDownAround, ouch is right - kids really know how to push our buttons. I'm sorry you got that response.

Well day 10 for me. Started IOP and another group yesterday and they were both good. IOP has changed quite a bit from the last time I did it. They're now incorporating DBT principles which I really like.

splitimage

splitimage, it is great to hear that IOP looks so promising!

Double digit days for splitimage!

Closing on 3 months (25th) and shortly after that, I guess I will be in triple digits counting days.

Splits - I did point out that I quit my bad habit while he is just taking his up.

105 days!

childofchaos,
How is it going with the pain management decision?

I'm reading about a lot of time accumulating for everyone, people taking the steps needed to keep on with the struggle, and folks really enjoying the path to long-term sobriety! It does my heart good!

!!Congratulations childofchaos831!!